Called my therapist a 'stupid motherf*cker' today...would you?

[Stephernovas]

You had a panic attack & started becoming violent.

I thought about becoming violent. I didn't actually do anything but toss out a few words in an effort to release my anger. Actually aside from those few words, I was able to use breathing techniques to calm myself down. I was just highly annoyed that she wouldn't stop talking and allow me to collect my thoughts for a minute. I would have preferred to not be surprised with it. In the moment I would be like..'oh. I'm sorry. you're right. how can we do this differently?'. but in session bringing up more than one issue leaves me feeling attacked and well,...you know the rest

Also, I'd generally ask before I followed a staff member in through an open door as to whether I was allowed to be in there. Once again, a Wayne rule

This staff member held the door open for me. Also, I had been allowed to sit in the front waiting for them to open many times before. This is exactly what I mean about mixed messages and etc. If I do bring this to management it will largely be about mixed messages, and how I feel that one staff member (assistant) is making me uncomfortable every time I attend the office. I don't like waiting in the waiting room. Any place I go and they tell me to sit, I kindly let them know I prefer to stand/pace/whatever. As a human, I'm allowed that. I feel like I'm in quite a vulnerable position, and if they want to be proudly known as a supportive mental health facility then offering unwavering support for those struggling should occur all the time. Not just to ones they think are deserving. For some reason this woman doesn't like me and has a huge issue with everything I do. I can see her dismay from the corner of my eye every time I'm in the office. It has made me not want to attend

 

[Swift]

Yeah, the mixed messages suck.
Maybe bring it up with your T, even as a courtesy, before you bring it up with management?
And... some people are just not great.
Part of PTSD is dealing with these people sometimes.

 

[Stephernovas]

Yeah, the mixed messages suck.
Maybe bring it up with your T, even as a courtesy, before you bring it up...

That’s what I’m wondering. By no means am I looking to throw her under the bus. I think she’s a great therapist. I’m just really not liking how it was eluded that I was the one behaving inappropriately out of my own volition. I feel degraded how they seem to be like...”ew. Clients go in that room only”. Sorry, but I did counselling and case management before. You do not need to behave as though you have power over ppl so that makes u better than them. And for confidentiality..things should be locked up and files away safely unless you are in your office anyways. Ugh. Whatever. I’m mostly upset with this assistant manager. She makes me want to quit therapy

 

[Justmehere]

Yes, they should accommodate and work with you to find an option other than sitting in a chair. But I don’t think that always means a patient should be allowed to anxiously pace wherever they choose in a busy therapy practice.

I really think it fits along the lines of patient confidentiality. Even at pharmacies here in the US, they have very specific places where lines must form and etc. It’s not about controlling patients or looking down on them, but managing needs and privacy.

I don’t think their effort to ask you to wait in the waiting room is a matter of “ew.”

In fact, they thought so highly of you they let you use their office equipment and office space, even when they were not around. Their actions actually suggest considerable regard for you. So much that they disregarded patient confidentially and really screwed up... in an effort to help you. Don’t lose sight of that in the middle addressing what went wrong.

 

[Stephernovas]

Yes, they should accommodate and work with you to find an option other than sitting in a chair. But...

I meant that about in regards to the one woman who watches me like a hawk when I come in. Our pharmacies are not that controlled. Also, when I’m pacing/walking, it’s not when the place is busy. In fact waiting in the area they’d prefer clients to be is busier. I did it in the morning when not many people had walked into session yet. As well, washrooms are located down this hall, so realistically it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Whatever. I’m still pretty irked by all of this. Namely with the one woman who complains to everyone else about me but refuses to talk to me directly

 

[Suzetig]

I thought it was weird she was letting me behind the desk, but I am not going to question them, as I was not in a rational state of mind.

I think that’s the crux of it, you weren’t in a rational state of mind. I wouldn’t expect admin staff to talk to you about concerns for exactly that reason. They don’t know how you’ll react and frankly aren’t paid enough to deal with whatever the fall out might be.

The person you describe as not liking you sounds like she’s trying to work ethically and keep appropriate boundaries in a place where they seem really lax. She may be deeply uncomfortable with a client pacing the office before it’s open - those few minutes after staff arrive is usually time for staff to get themselves organised for the day, to check in with each other, maybe get a coffee before needing to deal with clients etc. It’s fair enough that they might want to do that in privacy and in quiet. Your needs in terms of waiting are for you to address and resolve with your therapist - if the issue is exacerbated by her being consistently late it’s especially her problem.

In terms of your workers comp paperwork, is this something you had asked for and they agreed to help with? Or did you go as part of a wider drop in clinic - what I mean was, did you pop in on the off chance and they were effectively doing you a favour or was it a planned part of their job? It sounds like you needed quite a lot of help with it in any event and possibly people left work they had planned in their day to help you. That’s on them, not you but I can see why there would be an issue with it. The staff should have either said they couldn’t help, arranged a time for you to meet someone there who could help or found an unused or public office space for you to work at. Given by your own admission you weren’t rational at the time, I wonder how able they felt go tell you - someone they like and who was clearly very stressed - that they weren’t able to help you. I totally understand why they would have tried to help you as quickly as they could at the time and bring it for discussion later.

If I was another Client in the same clinic and saw you behind the reception desk looking at the computer, coming and going from a private office space on your own and knew you were often allowed in to the office before it opened, I’d complain loudly because I’d be concerned about my privacy, staff boundaries and about favouritism and I would expect that in this case someone has really had to challenge the staff team on their behaviour and restate where professional ethics sit within the clinic.

One of the agreements reached from whatever process they followed in dealing with the staff issues may have been to reinforce boundaries with clients so I don’t see anything wrong in your therapist telling you not to come to the clinic without an appointment. The admin staff aren’t equipped to support you and it’s not their job. Your reaction to that sounds very over the top - I literally can’t imagine a scenario where I would call my T a motherf*cker - and yes you were triggered but now you seem to want to justify your outburst rather than reflecting on what actually happened and how and why that needs to be different.

I can imagine the assistant manager does struggle with you because she’s in a team where boundaries have slipped massively and I expect it’s part of her job to pull the staff team back into professional processes and ways of work so of course she’s going to look like the bad guy - to them and to you.

 

[ILoveLife]

Your reaction to that sounds very over the top - I literally can’t imagine a scenario where I would call my T a motherf*cker

^^^^ this.

Despite their boundaries not being in place, it's our responsibility to effectively assess where they might be. Not all boundaries need to be verbalized, most are common knowledge and common sense.

And above all else, it's our responsibility to regulate how we react to things.
If we're confronted with a difficult situation and we start being verbally abusive, it's on us, regardless of what happened to get us there.

 

[Sideways]

I think perhaps you’ve made this scenario a lot more complex and emotional than it needed to be. Reading the OP:

You went to your T’s office on a non-appointment day for help with a workcover issue;
They (inappropriately) gave you staff support, access to confidential areas, computer facilities, and even office space;
At least 1 person has identified this was a disaster, and it has been discussed by management;
Your T has passed on the message to you “Please don’t do that again”.

We can probably agree that they don’t have the resources to provide that sort of support to all patients on an as-needs basis, even before we’ve dealt with the issue of confidentiality (if I’d been a patient there and seen that all unfold - I’d be absolutely livid at the privacy breach!!).

To me, your T seems to have simply passed on what appears to be a fairly reasonable request from management...??

 

[blackemerald1]

Yeah...the swearing and 'wanting your therapist to stop talking' etc., completely over the top mate. I haven't met a therapist/doctor etc., that thought there was any therapeutic value in being sworn at.

I think your worker's comp issues might have been the underlying stressor here. Perhaps you could ask your therapist to refer you to a social worker who can assist you with doing this kind of paperwork in a place designed for this kind of issue? Workers comp are bastards and belligerent and their paperwork stuff would kill a forest. Get that under control and most of what you described in your OP just would not have happened.

Make appointments when the clinic is actually open and ready to receive clients and if waiting in the waiting room is not appropriate for you then speak to your therapist about where you can wait.

Many years ago post appointment I was given a coffee and sent out to the back car park for half an hour to get ready for a really long drive (6 hours) - back home. But it was still a public space and I sat on the lawn. I could have been anyone and anyone could have joined me I suppose.

I'd apologise to the therapist and press reset.

I just want to mention that everyone makes mistakes...especially when we are led to believe they are not mistakes and everything is okay. You were given liberties that you should not have been given. The Assistant Manager is simply doing her job. I would not be complaining to anyone really. You have not been treated badly, discriminated etc. Learn from it and move on.

 

[Rumors]

You didn't have ptsd before the car accident? It just seems as if your reaction to this runs deeper than a car accident. Personally, I wouldn't tell my therapist she is a f*cking idiot or whatever you said but as well your response doesn't fit the crime. It IS their job to protect your privacy along with everyone else that is a client there. As a social worker you should know this. If you were in some sort of anxiety attack I am sure the office staff did what they could or thought was best BUT they ARE NOT trainedprofessionals. You put them in a precarious position. Your therapeutic support needs to come from your therapist. If your therapist is late and that bothers you then you need to have that conversation with her and let her know you will be there at 9am sharp. The fact the office staff didn't let you in before 9 is the right thing to do. If you went to Lowe's at 6:45 am they won't let you in until 7... gosh, that seems reasonable. I think the thing that bothers me the most about this story is that you think the rules don't apply to you and that somehow this is personal. It's not... they have rules to follow. Some chose not to follow those rules and they allowed the boundaries to be skewed. You don't like the rule follower bc you like to push the boundaries then you get mad at the therapist for enforcing the boundaries. I think you need to step back... I'm sorry if that seems harsh and certainly I have tremendous empathy for you in that figuring this out is tough but you asked for an opinion and I gave you mine. Perhaps you won't like it but my intent is NOT to be mean but only to shake you up a bit and perhaps think in a healthier way. Best wishes

 

[Missycat]

i think your therapist handled it poorly and maybe should have had a better understanding of what you were trying to achieve - basically some kind friendly office staff tried not to be ‘jobs worth’ and helped you. If they broke some policy or guidelines then the manager should have addressed with them and not you.
I dont know if there is need to complain however i would talk to your t about it. Whilst i dont condone you calling her what you did ... i actually fully understand it.

 

[Stephernovas]

Thanks for your input. Of course I will address the triggered outburst with her as I’m not about calling others names. Given our relationship, I can guarantee she will not even bring it up as an issue, however she will dig as to why I got so upset.


In reading all of these responses it’s unteresting to see everyone’s particulars about what they find tolerable, and what was crossing the line. Although it’s hardbto get the entire picture without knowing me and being there, it’s good to have these points to consider.

Someone suggested I had PTSD before the crash. That is largely why I went to her to begin with, but after like 2-3 sessions my accident happened and I had a bad concussion and was assessed to have developed PTSD there, so it’s hard to discern. She has commented that I am a “walking trauma” though, so honestly something like this was bound to happen anyways. Therapeutically, in session I think this has given her a lot to work with as a “breakthrough” (no one ever said it wouldn’t be messy). But operation-wise I am not happy how I was misled. If there are boundaries, they need to be consistent throughout. What if I truthfully didn’t know any better? What if I didn’t have a good rapport with them and they invited me into a room or office? Point is, that’s more of a staff issue regarding the function of the office. Not mine. Putting policy infractions by staff into a client is wrong.