Calm During Chaos.

[macbeth]

Before I begin I want to say a big thank you to members @Privateer, @Eedara and @Sammyiam for the inspiration for this thread. :hug:s to you.
It appeared to me in chat this evening that a number of us have experienced a strange occurrence or reaction when faced with a serious and threatening situation. We have experienced calm when faced with big challenges. For me it was a car accident a few years ago. When it happened the driver of the car (I was the passenger) broke down and suffered shock it was that bad, however, I with PTSD, remained calm and in control. I have also had other experiences with medical emergencies etc. where I was able to cope really well. It is the day to day things such as hyper vigilance and startled response reactions and also general anxiety I have had hard time with. I was wondering how many of us are ok and calm when the big things happen but fall apart at the little things?

 

[Sammyiam]

I am exactly the same Macbeth, I can handle the huge things but look in the mirror think I'm going to die and end up in the corner in a ball unable to move or speak.

Why ? Is what I ask myself.....

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I would say shock rather then calm and that another part of your brain takes over and you just go through the motions. Panic isn't shock...

 

[macbeth]

The calm we were discussing was similar to the calm we felt when faced with the life changing, life threatening experience that lead to our PTSD. I think that is different to a response of shock. Our discussion was in reference to our responses regarding further trauma and how we responded with calm and control, as opposed to everyday stresses where we tend to be over stimulated and respond negatively.

 

[desiderata310]

I work in an environment of looming deadlines where things can and DO go wrong and problems have to be solved NOW or a work around found.
I think in some way having PTSD helps? Another part of my brain takes over and I deal with the issue. I am usually pretty dissociated when I deal with a big problem at work but I am working and giving orders. Which now that I think about it, is pretty scary.

 

[littlelostchild]

I respond very calmly to high stress situations. I have had to deal with a number of emergency situations during which I go into uber calm. I have a clear head and use common sense along with protocols. I have no problem jumping in to help in a tough situation.

Ask me about my strengths and the chances are I will become a self conscious, self hating idiot. So weird.

 

[Tippi]

I so relate to this. I can handle the big stuff, true. I am calm, collected, a voice of reason. It's not shock that I experience but a sort of an "autopilot" of strength and resolve. I did that so many times during my abusive childhood. Just an example: Drunk father with loaded guns....I take the small sisters, hide them in closet, sing to them to take their mind off of their hysteria, calm them and hug them. I wasn't in shock during those situations......but I went into some sort of a take-charge mode.

Accident? I can handle that. Emergency? I can handle that, too. Acute injury or illness? I can deal with that.

But day-to-day stressors? They never let up. And they tend to add up. And I think that's because they are relentless and seemingly never-ending; I don't get much of a break or a respite from them. And it's all of that constant stress (along with the flashbacks) that erode away at my psyche and my soul, bit by bit, like erosion taking place on a riverbank. I don't even recognize, at times, just how much the stressors are affecting me. I am beaten down by them because they have gone on for sooooooo long.

But put me in an emergency situation......and I feel competent.

I guess I just learned that there would be no one else to lean on, I don't know. If I wasn't calm, who else was going to take care of us?

 

[littlelostchild]

I wonder too if it may be that the feeling of being chronically stressed/anxious is just my normal. I grew up in an environment where I had to be constantly on guard and most experiences were abusive and demeaning. I continue to see life through that view although I am learning to fight it. But when the rubber met the road, I could always handle it.

We are all survivors of horrors, so our capacity to manage horrific situations must be very high.

 

[franciemarnie]

I feel like maybe I get calm in big emergencies because that's when my insides (generally always in a state of emergency) are in harmony with the outside world around me, suddenly in crisis. Everything fits. No disparity between outer and inner. I mesh!

And, of course, emergency is my home. That was the world of my formative years. I know this place.

 

[Friday]

Yep. Confirmed adrenaline junkie. Means I have 2 choices: Take control and meet that in healthy ways, or spiral out of control and just let it run riot and have my life implode all around me.

They're 2 sides of the same coin, and right now I'm doing a lot of balancing on the edge. This is not the kind of balance that's good.

For example... If I'm being healthy I may have running as part of my daily life. I may even be doing 5&5s (run up the beach 5miles, swim 5back). I'm using the exercise as a way of moderating and utilizing the way my brain functions, and I'm doing it in a healthy way, improving both my daily life & outlook as well as keeping my body strong. ... If I'm being unhealthy, I'm running to the point of injury. Whether that's 1 mile or 10. Whatever is past my body's ability to handle it. Worse, I'm running through and past injuries. Feeding on the pain, tearing myself up, causing myself serious -and often permanent- damage. And then I take the bit between my teeth, and do it again. And again. And again. Or the inverse, which is equally unhealthy... I'm not moving at all*. Either way my body is being broken down, and I'm the one doing it to myself.
*This is different than depression, although it can be a part of my depression.

If I'm being healthy, I may still pick a fight. Sparring with friends down to agreed upon real fights. ...But if I'm being unhealthy I'm "not picking on someone my own size". I'm either going out looking to get my ass handed to me, or bringing the fight to those who haven't agreed to it / minding their own business, or the inverse; refusing to fight when a fight is necessary.

If I'm being healthy, I'm probably working a fairly dangerous job. One that requires my concentration, focus, ability to adapt, etc. Think military, first response, sports, toddlers. (Toddlers are too, dangerous. I've worked in all 4 fields. You have to be on the ball with little kids)....If Im being unhealthy I'm either working a death wish job, OR I'm taking risks in a moderately dangerous job that are out of effing order in order to make them more dangerous. Or the inverse. I am unable to work at all.

If I'm being healthy I may be using medication as needed in order to deal with things that are outside of my ability to control them.... If I'm being unhealthy I'm obliterating myself on drugs/alcohol in order to numb myself and not have to deal with things that are outside of my control.

If I'm being healthy I'm choosing some very high value/ stimulating relationships. There needs to be a level of intensity in my relationships at can be met numerous ways -intellectually, emotionally, sexually, physically, etc. All of these things can be had in grounded, sane, normal, healthy people with good boundaries ... If I'm being unhealthy I'm choosing train wrecks. Abusive, insecure/needy, no boundaries, untreated disorders, OR people with whom I have no risk of caring for (normal, healthy, perfectly lovely people that need things from me I'm incapable of giving, and are equally incapable of giving me what I need). Or the inverse. I'm a hermit, and refusing to form or take care of my relationships with other people at all.

 

[Hope4Now]

I've always been the calm and clear-headed one in a crisis. Time slows way down for me, and my emotions shut off, and I deal with the practical needs then and there--whether they be soothing someone in a panic, administering CPR or first-aid, or lining up services for someone who needs them. Then I fall apart when the crisis is over. A shaking, dissociated mess, generally, that takes from days to years to get over (well, the only one that really took years was when I was the first person on site at a what ended up being a fatal motorcycle accident and I couldn't save the guy).

I cannot do any of these things in my day-to-day life very well. I don't self-soothe with any skill, I freak out or get dissociated when I am injured (e.g., I waited 3 days to see to a really bad hand injury a few years ago), and I seem to be systemically unable to reach out for help and support when I most need it (although this forum has helped a lot on that issue).

I think, for me, this comes from the difference between what I call short/fast crises and long/slow crises. My childhood and adolescence were one long, slow crisis punctuated by short/fast ones. In the former, I was unable to do much or escape. In the latter (at least as I got older) I could act. So what @Tippi said rings so true for me. It's the accumulation of little things (daily stress) and long/slow crises (e.g., family illness or financial worries) that I can't seem to do anything about that send me into shutdown.

 

[shimmerz]

Not knowing I had PTSD and during my 'marital bliss breakdown', I noticed what I called a 'creepy calm' while my world was being torn down around me. I felt like I knew exactly what to do but didn't know why. However, the moment I stepped away I would fall into a kazillion pieces. Had no idea why at the time. I get it now. Survival means get serious - no time for emotion. Creepy calm....

Melt when I can breathe again. Melt HUGE.