Came Out As Gender Questioning To My Therapist And Her Response Kind Of Sucked

[FireSign8]

I'm a bit confused on why waiting isn't a smart idea. This age of 26 or older is the time of self discovery & a lot of sexual activity goes on when a person starts hanging out in the club/bar scene. A person needs to explore life before boxing themselves into any type if perceived sexual orientation. You might change your mind & it's hard to transition back once you start the process of injections & surgeries. People once tried to convince me I was a lesbian because I was having sex with other females. But I was also having sex with men as well as with bi's & trans people. I enmeshed myself in that world & although it was in the 70's-90's, I was often judged harshly because I would not choose a group! So, I labeled myself TRY, because I enjoyed trying everything whenever I wanted to & refused to allow anyone to own me or tell me what I should be.

I am glad I never fell for being pressured into joining any group & today, I choose to live a celibate life after my many years of sexual experimentation & failed attempts at relationships. We all deserve the right to choose. Perhaps your therapist wants to spare you some of the pain they have helped people to deal with over their lives. Still, you can always find a therapist who will tell you what you want to hear, but is that why we go to a therapist? I hate paying people to hold my hand. I want them to force my brain to go in a different direction, so I can learn more about why, I am, who I am.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am so sorry, we are just bringing to come out of the dark ages when it come to sexual identity and gender identity. Unfortunately, a lot of people are still stuck there. I am straight cisgendered (with some wiggle room) but I don't think sexual abuse is has any bearing on your nature. If you are transgendered than that is the result of how you developed in the womb.

@FireSign8 I get what you are saying, but that sound more to me like you are sexually fluid or pansexual. I have tried having sex with another woman and it just didn't do it for me. Experimentation just wasn't an option for me even though I was open to the idea. My nature is totally straight.

Basically I'm 90% sure that I'm trans and I've been questioning it for years and recently I've been seriously thinking about transitioning

I can tell you that cisgendered people even with a history of sexual abuse who struggles with societies view of my gender and sexuality and violence against my gender as you say, does not contemplate transitioning.

She also said that I would face a lot of judgement if I did transition and people wouldn't want to date me because I wouldn't fit into a box of what they think gender "should" mean and I would have to "find someone who would be okay with that."

Ugg! That is a good thing, you wanted want to date those people anyways because trying to conform to their ideals.

I don't want or expect it to solve all my problems! I just want to be my truest self.

Here here!

 

[Fadeaway]

*You don't want to date those people because you would be miserable trying to conform to their ideals.

 

[Spectrum10]

Basically I'm 90% sure that I'm trans and I've been questioning it for years and recently I've been seri...

Your counsellor is not getting it. You are trans and need to start exploring that in order to be happy and fully understand yourself. Get someone who is onboard and try again, sorry to hear that you had a bad experience when coming out about it but please don't give up, you have a lot of exploring ahead x

 

[Ariadne]

I'm a bit confused on why waiting isn't a smart idea. This age of 26 or older is the time of self discovery & a lot of sexual activity goes on when a person starts hanging out in the club/bar scene.
I am glad I never fell for being pressured into joining any group & today, I choose to live a celibate life after my many years of sexual experimentation & failed attempts at relationships. We all deserve the right to choose.

First, it is important not to conflate gender identity with sexual orientation. The only thing regarding sexual orientation that should be questioned in regards to someone who is genderfluid, trans or non-binary is what kind of language to use to describe that orientation, not the orientation itself. (most orientation descriptors are based on the gender of the person with the orientation, hence we say hetero/homo/bi as opposed to gynophile or androphile)

Also, there is a difference between someone pressuring someone to define themselves who does not wish to be defined and pressuring someone not to define themselves when they need to. Validating someone's identity is important and yours wasn't when you were pressured to pick a label, but so is the act of not giving someone the right to choose their identity when they want to.

 

[FireSign8]

Well. to all who seem to want to direct shit in my direction, let me remind you that Leisel & others come here for ideas, answers & just a safe place to go to share their current issues with PTSD & so much more. I was not pretending to be an expert. I was sharing my view & if I was 10% unsure of my sexual identity (as Leisel states in the first paragraph she is 90% certain...) & went to a Therapist to explore, I would want that Therapist to push me in every direction possible until I was 100% that I knew I wanted to make a change based on fact rather than fear. I chose not to have injections & surgery & I know I'm different. I didn't want to put myself in jeopardy or in the hands of a scalpel for fear I would be altered in permanent ways I could never be free from.

I saw too many botch jobs done on others. If my words are not PC for this forum, I'm afraid it's something that's out of my hands for the moment. No offense was meant by the way I use old terms from days that shall never return...I saw too many die from AIDS & botched sex change operations. Others committed suicide when their vanity issues overtook their common sense. The fashion industry & linking up with cosmetic surgeons & preying on people with good insurance or a big bank account. They don't give a rats ass about a persons mental health....it's all vanity based. It's killing people & that's my point. Know before you go under the knife.

 

[Fadeaway]

@FireSign8 If I came across that way I certainly didn't mean to. My comment to you was more of a question about my interpretation of what you were saying. I left out a question mark that I intended to be there. I have a bad habit of not editing before I hit send and my reply was in massive need of editing.

 

[Muttly]

@FireSign8 I didn't read anyone here pushing the original poster to be boxed into any identity. It did seem, to me, like their therapist was trying to box them in. I'm sorry you felt like folks were directing shit in your direction.

I can't speak for anyone else, but to clarify why I don't think waiting is necessary. First of all, as far as sexual orientation is concerned (gay, straight, bi, etc, etc, etc), I don't see that as the topic. If I'm wrong, the OP can correct me. So going to bars and exploring their orientation doesn't really come into it. As far as gender identity goes, I wasn't meaning to imply they leap into transitioning now. I agree, if there's a 10% uncertainty right now, that's not the time to start medical transition. What I don't agree with is that waiting until 26, when the person is certain, is the right thing to do. Current medical studies don't suggest that's good for a person due to the psychological impacts of living as the wrong gender. We also don't know what the OP wants to do, in terms of transitioning. They may not even know. And what they want right now, will likely change as they begin to exploring being transgender. Not everyone who is trans has surgery or does hormones. That's why it's important to have a therapist who is comfortable talking about this or having a good trans support group. As great as my therapist was, driving to the city and going to meetings with other transgender people really helped clarified my process. The good news is things have changed a lot since the 70s and 80s and trans people have a lot more options.

 

[Fayne Jane]

I agree get a gender therapist or any one but her. She is not being objective nor are her opinions professional

 

[Rumors]

I agree with the therapist that at age 26 you don't need to make quick decisions particularly if you are just beginning the journey. I think back to some of the things I wanted at age 26 and they are clearly not what I want now. Thankfully I didn't make any life altering decisions that would make me regret something.
Certainly, I am not saying you shouldn't explore the possibilities or deny who you are HOWEVER, proceed with caution. You are young and you have lots going on that is already confusing and scary without having to take that on too. Figure out who you are exactly and what makes you who you are. Then, decide if transitioning is what you still need. If so, great.... I think you need to have more clarity on the subject though. I really can't speak about your therapist. I think presenting a logical point of view is less sexy than the emotional point of view. I think she made valid points but it certainly wasn't what you wanted to hear. Perhaps someone with more experience would be better. Or, perhaps hanging tough with someone who challenges your thinking is better. I don't know. Best wishes though....

 

[FireSign8]

@FireSign8 I didn't read anyone here pushing the original poster to be boxed into an...

@Muttly- You said "...good news that things have changed a lot since the 70's & 80's..." Not Really! I think it has gotten far worse in the predatory aspect. Very few seem interested in teaching the fine art of ACCEPTANCE to others. Instead I see a disturbing TREND to lure & entrap people in a world that will leave them in the hands of predators & people with fetish behavior issues. But I suppose this is the way the world is going. We are born & I think we should just learn to accept ourselves & our faults as best we can. Things like a hair lip need to be fixed in order to eat & drink. It's not a vanity thing. But that's MY take on life. I can find beauty in the things others seems to find ugly. I just have no understanding of why we are not evolving as beings that accept what is put in front of us rather than always trying to change it or market it to select groups for a profit & instant fame.:confused::rolleyes::sour:

 

[Recovery4Me]

I am also gender fluid. Because of this, it does not matter which binary body that I was placed in but for a few of my friends they wanted to transition for themselves. Not all of them were successful as personal funding can run short and sometimes there are various complications within the procedures : some later wished they hadn't.

It is a journey of choices. May you find the one that gives you peace.