Came Out As Gender Questioning To My Therapist And Her Response Kind Of Sucked

[FireSign8]

I am also gender fluid. Because of this, it does not matter which binary body that I was placed in...

Yes, it most certainly IS a JOURNEY OF CHOICES! I love that term "gender fluid", it has a calming effect. I just feel bad for so many of these "newbies" who I see as victims of grooming by sexual pros looking for their fix. It's my gift/curse. Thanks.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Thanks @FireSign8
I understand your valid concern but with all due respect, anyone can be a victim regardless of age, beginnings, sexual identification or when using a professional.

It is hard sometimes to unplug our past stuff or concerns when we read. :)

 

[Ariadne]

"The study concludes, “Our results show that the white matter microstructure pattern in untreated (pre-transition) FtM transsexuals is closer to the pattern of subjects who share their gender identity (males) than those who share their biological sex (females).” What’s interesting to note about this study show trans men’s brain patterns are similar to cis men’s before trans men undergo medical transitioning." from a "pastemagazine" post

An interesting article showing how being trans isn't a choice, nor is it about just accepting a "flaw" like a vanity issue, it's about living in a body that fits your brain.

 

[kilted]

When reading this type of summary of a neurological paper, it's worth remembering that brain structure is the result of environment, genetics provides the template for development, the feedback between self and environment provides the process that develops the brain, it's structure is a response to environment.

These papers are statistically complex and rarely screen for environmental variables. They are therefore subject to what is called "confounding", where the results can be affected by something that's not been included in the statistical model and replicated for. This is because to do so is almost impossible.

The paper is making an observation, nothing more, do not infer anything from it.

 

[Ariadne]

When reading this type of summary of a neurological paper, it's worth remembering that brain structure is the result of environment,

Actually, having taken not only Research Methods in Psychology as well as graduate level courses in Biopsych, and having an emphasis in gender identity and having been an intern at a reproductive and sexual medicine clinic, I'm pretty familiar with what sorts of research there has been on brain gender and while this excerpt is just a brief synopsis of the trend in research, brain gender is very well established. (things like why males are more likely to survive a stroke due to more neurons overall while females are more likely to recover fully due to more neural connectivity etc.)

 

[kilted]

I'm sorry, I had made an assumption based on the source being Paste Magazine rather than a peer reviewed publication. It would be great to have the original journal reference.

The quote also counters an Nov 2015 article in Science drawing from an article in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "Depending on whether the researchers looked at gray matter, white matter, or the diffusion tensor imaging data, between 23% and 53% of brains contained a mix of regions that fell on the male-end and female-end of the spectrum. Very few of the brains—between 0% and 8%—contained all male or all female structures. “There is no one type of male brain or female brain,” The article is saying that there is no Male/Female difference and says " The findings could change how scientists study the brain and even how society defines gender."

I'd go with the Science article rather than Paste Magazine.

 

[Ariadne]

yeah, I'm sorry it was what I had on hand at the time. It's true there is no one kind of gendered brain, but I wouldn't agree that it means there isn't brain gender. Actually even genetically humans have many biological sexes and at every point during natal development in which gender is determined it can go any which way. Male/female dimorphism is merely a normative condition, not an exclusive one.

There is no one way of being male or female in any way, but I think most would agree that for most people, gender does exist.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I understand your therapist point of view on this.

I guess understanding how much your trauma is playing a part (because she is right on many levels) and how much you feel that is how you would like to live your life. I don't think you or your therapist is wrong but I do think you have a ways to go on your healing journey and that maybe you should before you make your final choice.

 

[Wyska]

I think she brought up a couple good points, and that she is being realistic with you. There are plenty of cases of people getting sexual reassignment surgery and deeply regretting it, and there are some articles saying that up to 20% of people who transition regret it. There are also plenty of cases where even after surgery trans people commit suicide. There are also cases of people feeling um...I'm not sure how to describe it better...but pseudo gender dysphoria? because of abuse. It seems to be one of those things that work for some and not others. I'd suggest doing as much research as you can on both sides and probably waiting until your brain is fully developed. I think this whole PC/SJW movement is normalizing surgery and hormone therapy and it's quite frankly disgusting and unfair that people think they need to mutilate their bodies to make themselves feel normal, and people are so OK with this. And it's because of this that there is barely any work going into finding other treatment or cures for gender dysphoria. But I digress, I hope you don't actually have this disease and wish you the best of luck regardless of your discussion to transition or not.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Leisel I thought about you and how sad you were concerning your T's feedback.
:hug:'s if you accept

Perhaps it was the specific area that the T's response fell within that did not address your need set at that time. So, I found an older compilation from Transgender Studies Quarterly *Vol1, Numbers 1-2 *May 2014 from Duke University Press for free on PDF which specifies key terminology by several academic experts (unlike myself in this area;)) that offer up 86 essays with specific words/terms that may assist within your communication. Some terms may have moved forward a bit but those articles are extremely informative on many aspects not mentioned by your T and your pondering in choice.

If this article does not work for you...I understand. Personally, I am still reading:roflmao: ...as it is helluv long (225 pages on my computer).

Dead Link Removed
^^^ this is one site which condensed from the http format from TSQ (Transgender Studies Quarterly)

Dead Link Removed
:)

^^^ This should prove to be the PDF
Good luck with your journey in effective communication and perhaps an more compassionate T.!

 

[GwenDR]

I don't think transition causes you to be happy, anymore than therapy does. It helps you to be yourself, though, and not being able to do that can make you pretty unhappy. And there's lots of reasons why depression and suicide is so common among transgender people, and transition isn't going to magically solve all those problems. You But from your post, you understand that and she doesn't.

As for waiting until 26 because of some wierd claim about brain development? I think that would be a harmful requirement. You need to transition when you're ready to, and not at some magic age she made up with no basis whatsoever. The earlier you can transition, the better it will work. I wish so much that I'd figured this out and started ten or even twenty years ago. As it is I'm just hoping for anything. That doesn't mean rush and do it before you're ready. But her telling you you have to wait if you were otherwise ready, is very wrong.

That said, going through a therapy process with a gender specialist before you begin, if that's what you need to do, is a good idea if you're able to and think you need help working it out. Regret is pretty rare, actually, and it's not like transitioning means instant irreversible surgery.

Wishing you the best of luck in this. Finding a gender therapist === very good idea. A non specialist, even a well meaning one, may not have the resources to help you. And she is definitely acting on some misconceptions.

 

[sundailk]

I'm aware there are different forms of therapy, but this therapist definitely did jump the gun. There's talk about transgender and gay people being that way because of abuse vs the other way around like conversion therapy and being an easy target for being trans.

Of course there are complexities that come with being transgender because we're human. There are going to be people that de-transition and so on. I'm still as genderfluid as ever and glad I didn't take T in 2013 because I don't have a good support system. If you're going to bring up people that have de-transitioned it is also a good idea to not lump them all together.

If this therapist wanted to talk the negative effects of transitioning it could be done without being condescending and not ASSuming it's tied to abuse. Like at least try to get to know your patient and help them learn more about themselves to take the steps best for them.

I'm pretty sure people disagreeing with me wouldn't want their therapist to treat them like they're their parents vs someone that worked hard to become a professional. It's their job and if they don't want to dedicate themselves to a patient or feel they can't that's what recommendations are for.