can’t get out of this low

[Rachel2535]

I’m stuck and I can’t find my way out. Hit a low a few weeks ago, lots of suicidal ideation. It let up for a few days and I thought the slump was temporary. But I’m back to this feeling. Woke up a couple days ago and immediately started sobbing. Today feels so dark. So empty. Spent lots of it so far sobbing. The depression where I’m low and dark but mostly numb is one thing. But i know it’s bad when I switch between empty and full on sobbing. It feels like it’s never going to end. I don’t want to keep going through this.

I experienced this from the time I was 5 till 30 years old. So lost I just wanted to be gone, permanently gone. A lot of this was due to childhood abuse and I didn’t understand that at the time. I thought I had worked through it but I was so wrong. I hated myself and my thought processes just made everything else so much worse. Please know this. There is hope. I have been free from the darkness for over 10 years now. The only therapy or help that saved me was my faith in Jesus. I now see my worth. You are worth healing also and happiness. Please find someone to talk too. Thank you for having the courage to be here and chat about it. Praying for you -Rachel