General Can A Breakup Really Be This Overwhelming? Sheesh!

[aj1]

I am only three weeks into my breakup but I just cannot shake it. I don't know if anyone else felt this way, but for me, when I found out about her past and PTSD, I wanted nothing more than to be the best human being on the planet for her. I guess in a sense, maybe I fell into this "rescue" mode. I didn't really think I was at the time, because I always try to be my best self for whomever I am with.

I think it hurts the most that we had such a connection and I did everything in my power but it just was not meant to be. Blindly I was thinking I am all in for her. I never said this, but I think she knew. Now, I am worried she will come back. I sort of feel guilty that I don't want her back. But I do at the same time. My birthday is coming up, and I feel like I flipping a coin of do I want her to acknowledge it or not.

I honestly think we could never go back to the way things were. There will always be this ticking clock that we do not know the exact time of, but we know it will go off one day, and we will be right back in the silence.

I struggle to believe what we had was real. I feel what we might have had was a fairy tale because when it was good, it was all too good to be true.

 

[nursenurse]

It is a month for me, and a very painful and sordid break up. I no longer know the man I thought I loved, nor love the man I thought I knew. Everything was a lie. I would dearly love just a hint of validation, that there was a shred of honesty in his caring. I think we would all love that for ourselves. The sooner we understand that it is not coming, the better. And maybe they cared as much as they ever could care for anyone, just not in a way that is sustainable or even healthy. Then it is easier to move on. Time, time, and more time.

 

[ds112496]

nursenurse....your words ring true to my situation as well. It has been 2 months since my husband pulled the rug out from under me. Time is helping, but I still find myself questioning his motives and how long he had been considering walking out on me. It is hard to accept that I will probably never get the answers I need for closure.

I have good days and bad. Today hasn't been that good. Not sure why I am feeling so sad when yesterday I felt so strong and positive. I just have to keep taking the days as they come and deal with all the emotions I have as best I can because he made his choice and it doesn't matter how I feel or what I want. He has convinced himself that this is what he wants.

 

[sisu]

It has been 3 months for me since the painful surprise break up but only 1 week since I decided to quit talking to him. I should have quit talking to him when he decided he was done and I would be 3 months closer to healing. He kept engaging me in conversation and we would meet for lunch every week or so. I finally asked him if he wanted to rekindle and he said he could only offer me friendship as he had too much to do. It was then I found him trolling on dating sites... Like nursenurse, I don't even know what was true anymore. I don't want to believe that I endured 3 years of lies, but honestly I don't even know anymore.

I am trying to move on but it is so very difficult. I am working on myself and have recognized my codependent tendancies. Time is the healer but I grow impatient - the pain is so great both emotionally and physically at times that I just want it gone. I want to be happy again.

I would love to know that he is hurting too (sorry) but I don't know if he has that ability. I think he has lost empathy for others and really cannot feel much of anything, which is another sad thing. The good ole Army is sending home shells of humans.

 

[comfortinnending]

This is my first post, and this thread really hits home for me. I was with my ex for 3 years and he was deployed while we were together. When he returned, he wasn't the same person. He broke up with me a month after returning from deployment. After that, it was a year of on and off "working things out." I really thought he was trying, but he was seeing and talking to other girls. This guy was the sweetest guy in the world, we were madly in love, and told me many a times that we would get married and grow old together. He was an extension of me, and vice versa.

He completely stopped talking to me about 4 months ago. Part of me is relieved that I no longer have to be unsure of where we stand, but the other misses him like crazy. I have not been able to move on and am so hurt that I was so disposable to him. I was there for him during his basic training, deployment, and everything in between. He always said that his mom and I were the only two people he could count on. Whenever he came home, I'd take all the time off from work, just to spend it with him. How is it so easy for him to move on? He'd talk to me about his depression and his experiences overseas, and tell me things he'd never told anyone else, did all feelings really just disappear like that? I helped him apply to school and get his financial aid ready and I helped him with his resume, and always told me that I'd always be his girl. What's worse is that I still have hope. I still hope that one day, he'll call me and tell me to pick him up from the airport, just like old times. That he'd finally return from his deployment, someday. And that I'd have my old guy back. This guy is unrecognizable, and he has no idea how much I am still hurting even though we haven't spoken in months. How have you all coped? How have you gotten over it? I'm desperately trying to stay afloat, but I really feel like I'm drowning. I feel pathetic that I still cling onto hope and that despite the clear signs that he's never going to come back, that there is still an ounce of optimism.

 

[Sandi79]

Im going through this too. Its comforting to know that I am not infact insane. I have nightmares. I dream he is here, I wake up and I'm alone. All his stuff is still here so it's like he is coming back any day and we all know, he isn't. I feel insane. I walk into a room and can smell him and he hasn't been here. Every car I hear, I rush to see if it's him. I can't eat, can;t sleep. I have panic attacks. I cant even function. Its awful.

You are not alone. I know you posted this awhile back, I hope that you are doing better

 

[FinallyFree]

I have been waking up every morning screaming bloody murder and waking up the house. I keep having the same dream that the person from my past is trying to kill me.

 

[mamachick]

I had given up all hope of meeting someone. Then I met someone that I really like. After about 2 months of a great relationship, we had an ugly fight about nothing and broke up for a week. It was like a flashback of the past-where I dated a sociopath and everything was a lie. I realize that I am so changed by past relationships and have a lot of difficulty trusting. My heart ached during that week. We did begin talking again and realize how stupid the arguement was.

He still does not know that I have ptsd. I dont know when and if I will tell him. My symptoms are mostly anxiety and depression now. I have finally stopped having regular nightmares.

Some would think that it is foolish that we have gotten back together, especially since it was so short of a relationship. Yet we talked more in 2 months than my husband and I did in 17 years.

Those of you who have ended the relationship permenantly and know that it is right for you, please be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time that you deserve. I know that it feels like you can die of heartache-it is that real. I think that we have the tendency to think in black and white after a break up, and question the other persons love and intentions and motives-often seeing the dark side of it. Thinking that they did not love us. I think we need to be sure to remind ourselves that just because it ended, the partners were not all bad or we would not have been with them. (exception is the sociopath that seeks power).

I still keep getting these little tinges of distrust. Is my gut correct or is it my distorted thinking? At the moment, I tend to think that my thinking is distorted. Relationships are so hard with ptsd, particularly if a previous partner had anything to do with the ptsd.

 

[novemberDark]

Brat17 I was married to a sociopath as well, later they found he also had psychopathic brain patterns.

It took me many years but I was able to trust again.

The thing is with that partner there was friendship first and brutal honesty from the get go. His ptsd diagnosis came late and he told me about it right away (made him decide not to pursue a relationship romantically then).

Five years (treatment, long vet hospitalization etc) later we had a wonderful romantic relationship.

Back to friends again since late diagnosis of tbi with all the trust still there. It made me sad, but he told me. It explained a view things too, stuff that happened while he wasn't aware of the tbi.

It is possible, just takes a lot of time.

I wanted to say this because it made a big difference to me, that he told me about the ptsd.

I'm set free to do as I want, I'm alive knowing I have the ability to trust.

 

[mamachick]

novedmberdark-Thanks for your post. He denies anything is wrong with him. We were back together less than a month before he started brewing again.....This time I paid very close attention and got good feedback from good friends. When he finally lashed out, he told me many very mean things....including that a past rape was my own fault, took no responsibility for any of his behavior. I needed to hear him say these things face to face and it clicked.

My biggest denial was that when only 4% of population is sociopath, how could I pick a second one? Well I did. I am strong and I will be fine. The best advice I have for anyone is to move forward, do good everyday, and dont look back. Avoid reminicing about the good or the bad.

 

[novemberDark]

Feedback from friends that don't know PTSD is really hard to take but I can say that id you get emotionally attacked it is not about PTSD there something really wrong there and good that your not stuck to get away from hurt. Shit I can no longer erase my thread above venting Yapping about long past.

 

[mamachick]

I know that it is hard for others to understand. In 2006 I had a head injury that changed my personality. In 2008, I began serious symptoms of ptsd. Since this time, my life has been little more than survival. I met this man. At first it was wonderful. A couple of months later he got real nasty because I went out with a female friend. We had a week break up. We ironed things out but within a month, I felt him brewing and was on egg shells. This went on for days. Its complicated. I am realizing how much the term (abused people-abuse people). I am guilty of it myself. I feel like I have hate in my heart that I cant escape from. Im having depression and panic attacks. He sends me a text and I have panic. Hours later, I text something mean back-like its not even me.

I have a few supportive friends. I dont get mad easily. Yet when someone pushes my buttons with cruelity, (my self esteem already low and just surviving) I just cant imagine the meaness. My symptoms increase and I become so vicious and mean. I dont know why. Its like my emotions are ruling my intellegence. Then I hate myself for it. Its like a cycle.