General Can A Breakup Really Be This Overwhelming? Sheesh!

[novemberDark]

It's probably to do with protection. If you are able to be open about what you see about yourself and you question it, isn't that in a way positive? .

I have seen first hand that cycle of abuse being broken. Its been done its being done.

Can't hate yourself and brake it at the same time!. Doesn't work. I wish you find peace and self acceptance.

Then the defences are not so much necessary because it's a way back to self trust that others can register.

 

[felicia]

Well here I am again to report an update of how I am doing. So you know how people say "a good way to get over someone is to date somebody new"? Well I have a met someone new by accident that I have been dating for 4 months now and he's a wonderful guy, BUT I can't report that I am over my ex. WOW! I know.

I feel disgusted with myself because I really do care about the guy I am seeing now but I just don't have the passion as I did for my ex and still do. I'm in debate if I should ride it out longer to see how it goes or just break it off with him because it doesn't seem fair to him. Maybe I'm just more emotional this month because my birthday is soon or if its because it seems like everybody around me is engaged, getting married, or having babies with the people they truly have love and passion for and I'm kind of just here on the back burner waiting for something great to happen but it doesn't.

I really don't know what to do? I feel like I am mentally ill not being able to shake this guy that I have been away from for a long time now. I still dream about him and I can still see his smile every time I close my eyes. I see him. I sound like a complete lunatic I'm sure. I want to be done already and I don't know how. I feel so defeated. :blackeye:

On a more positive note though I can end this little rant by saying that I did stick with the VA and I really enjoy working with those guys now and made some nice new friends there. :inlove:

Thank you all for the responses and inputs. Keep your heads held high.

 

[mamachick]

felicia-I know what they say, and you will find what is best for you. It never worked for me. It took me most of 4 yrs to get over a 2 yr relationship. During that time, I held on to pictures and things that reminded me of him.

I dated but did not get sexually involved a couple of times. I felt a bit guilty knowing that he liked me much more and wanted it to go further. I would never make a good player. I just cant settle without the feelings of potential growth, connection, passion, etc. Please know there is no judgement here-I wish I could but its just not me.

I fear sometimes that I am not realistic or have an immature kind of love. I need to have the feeling of "I cant wait to see him". When its not there for me, Im very ambivilant.

 

[felicia]

brat17: It took you 4 years? Wow that's a lot of hard days and I'm glad you were able to overcome that situation. I hope it doesn't take me much longer or that it's not a forever thing for me like some people. Kind of like the "one who got away" type of ordeal. It's already been a year and I'm still having a hard time as if it were a few days ago that it happened.

I hope that I can figure out what to do about the guy I am dating now because he really is a great guy and there a plenty enough feeling going on with him. I don't want it to last for a long time with the lack of feelings on my end because it would just hurt him. I don't want him to develop more and get hurt worse.

Like you I also think I have an immature kind of love, but isn't that what it should feel like? The "I can't wait to see him" or the whole " That's my man!" kind of feeling? Like you are so proud of that person and to be with him and that you love to show him off. Maybe just me but those feelings aren't there with this guy.:bag:

 

[Velvetstar]

Got to cut those energetic cords! It sounds kindof out there if you're not into this kindof thing, but it really REALLY helps to do some work on this! <3 P.S. Sexual chakra is in the pelvis!

 

[mamachick]

That is an awesome video. I agree strongly with the theory of the cords and being stuck. It is not about that person and they are not evil, they have stirred up something that we still have baggage with. This is why I dont belong in a relationship. Each person that I have loved have been very different, yet they share some common characteristic.

Why are we attracted to some people and not others? What is that power of attraction? What is that chemistry that happens with some and is impossible with others (not dependent on their physical attractiveness)?

I can honestly say that about all my adult life problems have stemmed from the men that I have chosen. I am not a victim-I think I have just never healed something that is so at the core or me.

 

[Gingerly]

It's so hard to get over someone you have a deep love for. You can't just think it away. I know I am trying everything to get him out of my heart and my head. I truly believe it just takes time... a long time. But let's keep our heads held high and do what we know is best for us!

 

[felicia]

Thanks Gingerly. :-)

 

[Gingerly]

@felicia, If your new guy is treating you right, why not continue seeing him? Try not to think of your ex and get out there and enjoy yourself. I have been going out with my girlfriends for happy hour and we talk and laugh, laugh, laugh. We lift each other's spirits up. If you don't want to go out with him, then go out with your friends.

Be in the present and love yourself!

 

[mamachick]

I have been having a relationship for the past 4 months that was off and on about once a month. Sheesh, about once a month he got really mean verbally. I ended it for good and then found out that he was raped by a priest as a boy. Now all his behaviors make more sense, how he attacks others, etc. However bad I feel for his situation, he is 55 yrs old and has attacked me verbally for being raped. Then I have body reactions. He deals with his stuff by abusing others and alcohol. I am sitting with hurts but know I will survive.

 

[felicia]

@Gingerly thank you for your response. I actually had thought my new guy was a good guy and in a way he some what was. I found out that he still has friendly little conversations with his ex wife (nothing sexual), she sends him old family photos and she sends pics of some girl her now ex cheated on her with asking my bf if he thinks she prettier than she is. Not one time in all those conversations did he ever defend me as his gf. No (hey I have a gf please don't be disrespectful) NOTHING. It's like going from one jerk boyfriend to the next. Am I over reacting? Because I feel totally emotionally violated and I feel like a joke.

 

[Gingerly]

@felicia, I think some guys just don’t think! When I was dating my ex-husband (not my Sufferer) we ran into somebody he knew from his past. The guy asked if he was married and my boyfriend said, “no, I’m divorced”. I later asked him if I should define myself as “single” if someone were to ask. We had been living together for a few years at that point. I don’t know why he didn’t tell his friend that he was divorced from his first wife and now living with his girlfriend (me). He didn’t say a word about me and I was standing right there. Duh!!