Can a therapist protect you, and should they? (Or, "How to feel safe in a therapist's office.")

[ILoveLife]

Ah yes that makes sense :laugh:

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Great point

I will get into it later — more worse stressors came up and I am dealing with those — but my therapist mirrored that and what @recoveringfromptsd said, by saying that she was concerned that I wasn’t taking as much away as I would if I felt safe.

But yes, I did tell her, and we talked. It was scary. So, yes, I’d call it avoidance. If not irrational fear? I will give more details later for people in similar boats! I need a bit though.

@littleoc I applaud you for sticking it out and taking the scary risk of trying to talk/work it out with your T. Sometimes that works sometimes it doesn't, but its still the right thing to try. Not trying is avoidance. In my case I tried and it did not work out. I pat myself on the back form trying anyway.

Feeling safe is critical in any T relationship, in many ways feeling unsafe with a T is like swimming in your trauma.

I want to point out that in my case my not feeling safe came from when my T engaged in conduct that amounted to taking control from me, a very huge trigger, by inviting another therapist (DBT) into session without even asking me first because they felt that DBT was causing me problems.

And it was, I don't disagree with their logic, but once my T and the DBT T did that I could no longer trust them, it became a one way relationship not one where we work together. In essence a betrayal.

While they may have felt it was no big deal and ok, for me my trauma took over in response.

I pat myself on the back, I struggled afterwards giving time for things to work themselves out, then my T did something that made me see her as a threat, as some statements she made if repeated to the wrong people could render me homeless.

Again I pat myself on the back, I wrote her a letter about these issues, I expected we would try to work it out in our next session, but she did it again, instead she without asking was having her supervisor in the session.

I had just checked on alternatives, and when this last session took place, I was in an awkward position, I had no choice but to tell them I was changing providers, where they jumped on that as being my termination session. I wanted to approach this in a way where if me and my T could not work it out, I would have an orderly transition process.

Instead it was abrupt, The next day I went for intake at my new provider, they could not take me that day, I went into crisis as I had no provider, psychiatrist for meds, or therapist. If it was not for mobile crisis, and another T with another provider lending a hand I would have ended up in the hospital that night. But night came, I slept, and tried the intake again. Successfully.

My current T sees my past one as unqualified and toxic for me needs. My current T has taken the time to read every thing there is about me, including my trauma history. She has shown me she is committed to my interests. I hate her for challenging me with stuff I find painful to think about, but I love that she cares enough to do that. She has and continues to go for the core of my trauma and the behaviors and cognitive distortions, very progressive, she is already talking about having me do equine therapy to change and rebuild my ability to trust.

I actually feel hopeful for the first time. Everyone else just let things stay as they were, including letting my hyper-vigilance shut me down.

In my entire life I never heard any T tell me I am making progress, it's always been judgments, and criticism. My current T has told me I am making progress, and she has backed it up with examples. Even I see it. Just saying it is HUGE.

I hold no ill will with my old T, she was just wrong for me.

What is difficult for all of us, is sometimes it can take months or years to find out a T is bad for you. And it can take many T's till you find the one who is going to be the T that see's you and what's inside the way you need them too.

I wish you all the best with your T.