What I mean is, could there not be a specific thing I am flashing back to? I did not have a recognizable trigger or memory, I just started to cry hysterically. Ill explain a little more:
Friday night I had a situation that is vaguely reminiscent in theme to my trauma. I saw one of the landlords of my apartment building outside walking around at 10:30pm. (He doesn't come to the building ever. I've only spoke to him on the phone -- I was able to identify him via google by finding a picture). It scared me because - what are you doing around the building late on a Friday night? Why are you walking around? Why not ring the doorbell? I don't think that he would come to hurt me but why do people have to approach me in my own territory?? I also had someone who followed me during college - he was later arrested. This current situation feels a little bit like that. I guess I feel like I can't hide. But the real trauma is the CSA. But I guess as I am writing this I'm realizing it is all traumatizing....
Anyway on Saturday morning when I woke up for work (6a) I just started hysterically crying when I woke up. It's not like I jumped up out of my sleep, but I woke up and as I was laying there I just felt the crying coming. (This is unusual, I'm so not a morning person so I don't feel really intensely until after 10am -- haha). This crying wasn't typical for me, this was like the snot coming out of my nose with actual sobbing. Normally when I cry, a few drops of water come out of my eyes. I was pretty much beside myself for 10 minutes which is a pretty long time when you are crying hard. I don't remember any thoughts really, just felt very very afraid. I also remember hitting myself in the forehead, not hard thought. I was also underneath all my blankets in my bed curled up in a ball.
So I just felt like, the flashback was the emotion ambushing me? I just immediately felt like a little kid.
Has this ever happened to anyone before?
Friday night I had a situation that is vaguely reminiscent in theme to my trauma. I saw one of the landlords of my apartment building outside walking around at 10:30pm. (He doesn't come to the building ever. I've only spoke to him on the phone -- I was able to identify him via google by finding a picture). It scared me because - what are you doing around the building late on a Friday night? Why are you walking around? Why not ring the doorbell? I don't think that he would come to hurt me but why do people have to approach me in my own territory?? I also had someone who followed me during college - he was later arrested. This current situation feels a little bit like that. I guess I feel like I can't hide. But the real trauma is the CSA. But I guess as I am writing this I'm realizing it is all traumatizing....
Anyway on Saturday morning when I woke up for work (6a) I just started hysterically crying when I woke up. It's not like I jumped up out of my sleep, but I woke up and as I was laying there I just felt the crying coming. (This is unusual, I'm so not a morning person so I don't feel really intensely until after 10am -- haha). This crying wasn't typical for me, this was like the snot coming out of my nose with actual sobbing. Normally when I cry, a few drops of water come out of my eyes. I was pretty much beside myself for 10 minutes which is a pretty long time when you are crying hard. I don't remember any thoughts really, just felt very very afraid. I also remember hitting myself in the forehead, not hard thought. I was also underneath all my blankets in my bed curled up in a ball.
So I just felt like, the flashback was the emotion ambushing me? I just immediately felt like a little kid.
Has this ever happened to anyone before?
