As I read through this thread (and thank goodness it was only 2 pages), I picked up on a ton of things that scream "Meli", but I found one element that boggled me. None of the comments are actually ramblings, and I find that sort of odd. It makes me wonder if my propensity to ramble comes from some other source.
So here I go with all my details. Do I get a trophy for posting the longest comment? :p I call it my "A to Z Method", in which I cannot express myself by jumping to the middle or the end. I have to begin at "A"; the background, the reason, the imagery, and so forth. I move through each letter of the alphabet successively; elaborating and reiterating unneccessarily along the way. I give multiple examples and summerize. I get angry, and feel as though I've been insulted, should I lose the listener before arriving at "Z". It will bug me to no end if I don't make it to the point (after 15 minutes of leading up to it, of course). It's only much later that I realize I, too, would have been annoyed if I were on the listening end of the conversation. But in the moment, it just seems rude for someone to stop listening or even change the subject. Walk away from me while I'm talking, and I'm liable to blow. Not so proud of that one.
This annoys everyone I know, and then causes me to not want to talk at all. I know I walk around guarded against this effect, but to others it appears stand-offish. I've done some research regarding "learning styles", and everyone is different. The bottom line is that each person has a method of perceiving, comprehending, and retaining information. Of course, this same style is utilized in our communication as well. Off the cuff, there is:
- Touch (a person will physically touch the word or item in order to enter it into their memory)
- Visual (a person will draw a mental picture of the information; I'm sure you've noticed someone closing their eyes to remember something)
- Music or rhythmic (a person will use actual music to enable focus or develop a beat to their reading or memorization as if they were drumming it out)
- Forward learning (my own phrase and my method as well; a person learns from the beginning to the end - cause and effect in chronilogical order, like reading a history text book)
- Reverse learning (again my own phrase and my Bf's method; a person learns by first addressing the end result - effect and then cause, like solving a crime)
These are just a few, and in light of the topic, I won't elaborate any more. I'll place a sub-point here and say that some of these methods are utterly incompatible, which causes a great deal of frustration. Almost everyone I know is offended by the amount of information that I give. Instead of saying "Come down Main St. and turn at the church", I'll list multiple landmarks, suggest the proper lane, and give advice on what to avoid. It seems to them that I think they're stupid, and that I doubt they'll make it there on their own. What's really happening is that I doubt myself, and I'm afraid I've given them bad directions. What if I don't tell them a part of it and they get lost; it would be my fault, and they would get mad at me. Most people I've talked to about it feel they can fill in the blanks on their own, and perceive my inclusion of all the details as condescending. They are in the group of reverse learners and wish I would just get to the point and answer their question.
My perception and absorbance of information is broken into chunks. What comes first must always be known first. If that makes any sense. Everything I do is laid out in the same manner; from how I do dishes to how I answer the phone. And here's the clinker, I was trained very early in life to be this way by my father. We had very stringent SOP's in our household (that's standards of operation; see how I had to include that tid bit). Every part of our lives was regulated, down to the way we spoke and expressed ourselves. Exactly what led up to an action, an offense, or the lack thereof had to be justified by my father, so rambling on about every detail was required in order to keep my butt out of hot water. And if you flip this around, I require others to give much more information than they're willing to give, which also leads to big problems. I'm constantly asking people to elaborate, and they get very frustrated with that.
I have much trouble seeing the big picture (possibly the PTSD element of this), so I chop up information into manageable portions and only deal with one chunk at a time. If that one chunk was the only thing I wanted to relay, it wouldn't be offensive at all because my chunks are pretty concise in the wording. But that one chunk is only part of what I wanted to express; hence the long winded explanations. I just thought of at least 4 examples I could have given in this paragraph alone, and almost any one of these paragraphs could have been a post all by itself. So, maybe you can better understand what's happening deep inside of my ramblings by knowing that.
Now that I've written this post and confident that the reader is realizing the full scope of my thoughts, I look back and think "Wow", it is a long post. Sighhhh! I could go back and cut a lot of things out of it, but then I would feel as though I had cut all of the "Me" out of it, and I'm just not comfortable with that... yet... I suppose. As per usual, I will apologize for its length, and hope no one yells at me for it. :rolleyes:
Excellent thread, by the way, I always thought it was just me too. Although, I'm sure part of it is my upbringing, it seems some of the reasoning behind my acceptance of it is probably the PTSD.
~Meli
