Can Two Divergent Worlds Be Bridged?

[Lady Vet]

I am ready to start hacking huge groups of people out of my life, because I am no longer willing to die inside just so that other people are comfortable! What I am finding is that here, in this forum, there is such an unconditional freedom to talk about PTSD and the hard truths we all live with every day. But moving out of this world and back into the "other" world, I feel nauseated when I find myself forcing my dark truth back down into the box of silent shame!

So I would really love to hear how other people have faced this issue in their own journey.

Feedback welcome :) Thank you!

 

[Shellbell]

I only have one friend who understands the PTSD, all my other friends and family have no experience of the level of trauma I have experienced, or living with PTSD or the other illnesses I have. The ones that know about the PTSD are often very invalidating. But, I have learned to just accept they cannot know, as they have not experienced my history. They can't understand, even when they try. Having invisible illnesses is hard. I try not to talk about my PTSD etc, to most people now and I do avoid most people due to anxiety. It's too hard trying to explain things and too hard listening to their inappropriate, although often well meaning advice, such as 'let it go', 'time heals all' etc.

I talk more on this forum than I do in my non forum world. I can say things here I can't even tell my T yet. It's like a form of 'pre-exposure' therapy and it is good support.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, the only place I talk about my ptsd is here on the forums. I have learned to keep it to myself. I used to try to explain myself to others only to feel worse about myself. Until someone has experienced it for themselves they will not understand. My self respect has grown since I took this approach with people. I figure that it is none of their buisiness and so i do not talk about it.

I do not have the insensitive remarks to deal with. I do not feel the shame of overexposure. I do not feel afraid of the afteraffects of what I have said. It is sad but it is what experience has taught me. I wish you the best on your endeavor. If you can keep any of your friends I would advise you to nurture the healthier ones.

I remember how badly I wanted people to understand me. Now it is important that I understand me. I am working on being a friend to myself. I hope this helped you. Hugs.

 

[Hashi]

In my case, I don't want to tell people in my life about what happened to me. I can't expect them to understand what this is like, and I don't want to have to educate them or manage their reactions. Dealing with my own feelings is enough.

I have told the people I'm closest to that I'm struggling with something. They know that I have depression and anxiety, am having counselling, am finding life difficult and am trying to deal with some serious issues. They just don't know the details. Those are things they can understand and be supportive about, if they're true friends. I feel like I can be myself and talk about how I'm feeling, to the extent that I'm comfortable with. If I'm keeping anything from them, it's my choice and not because of their unwillingness to hear it.

Unfortunately, some people didn't even want to know that much. I had to let them go. That hasn't left me with a large group of friends, but I don't want a large group of "friends" who aren't supportive. Culling friends, especially one group in particular, was hard. I had to mourn the friendship, but I think what I was mourning really was that I'd thought they were better friends than that. I was grieving because the friendship I'd believed in hadn't been there anyway.

There are people who I say much less or nothing to - for example, work colleagues or people in a club I go to. But then I wouldn't talk to them much about my personal life anyway.

I think we have to be realistic about other people's capacity for understanding. I don't know about anyone else, but it's taken a long time for me to get to my own understanding of all this, and I'm the one experiencing it first hand. For me, it's more important that people close to me care about me and want to support me generally. I can be authentic around them without telling them everything.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think most everyone's experience is that understanding is quite rare! I think it's possible, just not common. Someone who is kind already, might be kind still, even if they don't understand.

 

[Meadowsweet]

This is a great thread and I agree with what everyone has said :) .

 

[Lady Vet]

But, I have learned to just accept they cannot know, as they have not experienced my history. They can't understand, even when they try. Having invisible illnesses is hard.

Shellbell, I wanted to quote your entire post, because it's all so sad (and true). I have been thinking about this all day feeling so deeply sad, but also very angry (both for myself and the rest of us who suffer in isolation). I thank you for sharing your own experience, and also what you have had to accept so that you can move through your own life with integrity. Accepting that other people really can't know or understand, even when they try, seems like a hard price to pay, but I suppose that's what's needed. Again, thank you for reading my post and responding.

 

[Lady Vet]

I remember how badly I wanted people to understand me. Now it is important that I understand me. I am working on being a friend to myself.

Dear Gizmo,

Thank you for reading my post and responding. I think this is where I am right now, in that place of standing at the edge of my need/desire to be understood, to feel understood, but I'm not. I really love what you said, about how it's important for you to understand you, to be a friend to yourself.

There is much grief to accept that people we want to be and feel understood by are just not able to. That acceptance is not easy. I so appreciate your honesty about your own journey.

Oh, god this hurts :( to feel the truth that I really am alone in this journey. I know that God is always with me, but that's not the alone feeling I mean. But you would already understand that :)

 

[Shellbell]

I've come to learn quickly that expecting people to understand is setting myself up for failure and hurt. It is a more positive way to view it that they won't, don't and can't understand. I think it is something valuable to know and realise.

 

[Lady Vet]

I don't want to have to educate them or manage their reactions

Dear Hashi,

Yes, I understand. This (for me) feels exhausting! And my anticipation of their reactions is even moreso.

I think what I was mourning really was that I'd thought they were better friends than that. I was grieving because the friendship I'd believed in hadn't been there anyway.

This really sunk in deep. A loss of what you believed to be true with the people who mattered to you. This prepares me for what I am experiencing now, what I am going through now, the shattered beliefs about what I hoped my friends and family could ("should") have been for me. It means that I have to stand up, dust myself off, and trudge on, but it hurts to move on.

There is such wonderful wisdom in what you you've shared. I feel drained from this process today. But I thank you so much for sharing your own experience. :)

 

[Lady Vet]

I think most everyone's experience is that understanding is quite rare!

Hi, Junebug,

Thank you for reading this thread and responding. It's sad that you are right that it IS rare for someone to understand. And I am only now starting to accept this truth. Blessings :)

 

[Lady Vet]

This is a great thread and I agree with what everyone has said

Dear Meadowsweet,

Thank you for reading this thread and responding. It's not an easy subject to work through, but knowing that other people with PTSD are struggling through it, too, really helps :) Blessings :)