Can You Pray?

[seedling]

I have been thinking about this a lot this week and wanted to post about it.

Since my trauma last Dec. I have not been able to pray like I used to. I feel that I still have my faith in God (however you want to say it) but I am blinded to feeling connected.

When my friend's dad was diagnosed with brain cancer this spring I could not tell her "I will pray for you." When we say the prayers together during a church service I feel the energy of those around me but my personally saying the prayer feels like a blank.

I can't say a prayer for myself or anyone else or for a situation. I can't "rest" the outcome of any situation in the hands of a greater power like I used to. It's become a huge lack of comfort for me.

I used to be able to think about people in quiet moments, meditating on them,their well-being, their situations; sending up thoughts for them. I could feel my energy going out to them, feel connected to them.

If I think about something I would have normally prayed about I just hit a blank wall. It's a very strange thing and I don't think I can describe it. It's like a big empty space that can't be crossed - like a void in outer space - a nothingness. There, I tried.

A very few times, in great distress, I have squeaked out a "help", like a little mouse squeak sent into who-knows-where.

This also seems to manifest along the same lines when I give a massage. I can no longer feel the person's energy connected to me through my hands. It's a subtle thing I took for granted and now it's gone. The person will say that I still give a great massage, but I don't feel the same when I am giving it - it's more only mechanical/physical than it used to be.

I am feeling the loss of these things and afraid I will never get them back. I think of the prayer about the footprints in the sand, where God is carrying the person - hence only one set of footprints. I feel like I am being carried, like a sack of potatoes - it's a bumpy ride :wink:

Wondered what anyone else felt along these lines.

 

[kers]

I am not in your situation, as I was raised in a non-religious household, but I think the trauma and PTSD contributed to me never taking on any religious beliefs. I think many people with PTSD struggle with a crisis of religious faith, as trauma challenges all our understandings of safety, security, and faith in a good and just world. I tried to attend a religious community that held my beliefs, but got enraged during a discussion of victims, perpetrators, blame and forgiveness. Maybe I will go back when everything is more resolved for me. I think some people are able to find a subset in their communities of other people dealing with a crisis of faith...maybe there is one in your religious community?

 

[Artista]

I did think about the footprints analogy too in your post! It is so different for us all how we seek something of a spiritual or soulful nature. I found my praying has changed. It is more a constant discussion of me wondering and asking and thinking and then listening. It is less constructed than I used to pray. In some ways I think the divine is even more present i just was failing to see it. Dunno if that helps at all and I wish I had more time to write more, but that's as succinct as i can say it has been for me. I think it has become almost too large to see in a way??!! Always there, not disconnected but changed. Perhaps I was always doing more talking than listening before... and I think that takes practice. Especially over the din of what we go through!

 

[Iam]

This struck a strong cord with me Seedling. In fact in my 2nd session yesterday with the EMDR specialist she was asking me about goals (aside from the trauma), what I want to work on first that is affecting my life currently. I told her my relationship with God. I think much of my breakdown 9 years ago was due to a crisis of faith. Or at least that was the resulting cause of it? IDK

I can't say a prayer for myself or anyone else or for a situation. I can't "rest" the outcome of any situation in the hands of a greater power like I used to. It's become a huge lack of comfort for me.

This has been true for me too. I used to have a vibrant & unstructured prayer life. It was a constant communion for me. Now I do have to say that I am different as my crisis of faith includes a lack of trusting God and at times at a gut level, even believing in His existance. When my T and I were talking about faith, I told him I had none. I found his next suggestion very comforting. He told me to borrow his for now, that he had enough for both of us. Wow, have I held on to that. I know there were times in the past, when I just couldn't preay for a "specific thing" anymore, I would give it to my christian brothers and sisters to pray for it for me. What a comfort to share burdens. My T also suggested that I ask my christian women's group and others to pray for my spiritual protection. I have sensed God's presence so much more since all of this.

I still have trouble praying, but am believing it will become a vital part of my life again. I ask others to pray for me and am in a Bible study. God's word is coming alive again, so my prayer life can't be too far behind!

I will pray for you in faith Seedling. He loves you and misses talking with you as much as you miss talking with Him..

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

All I can say is I feel the same way,seedling. And I've told my religious leader about my feelings, and My T. Hopefully that can help, but I can when I feel better I might be able to more. I can still do some things religious but...don't really feel it, like emotions.

 

[Iam]

One thing that just struck me about what we are talking about here.....feelings. It is wonderful to feel connected to our higher power (for me that is God the Father and Christ Jesus), but faith is not about feelings. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

So do we praise and pray to God, do we believe Him only when we feel it and feel like it or do we trust and believe and pray to Him even when the emotional feelings aren't there. I suppose the latter would be a test of our faith, not meaning that in a bad way....but if we can pass this test, our faith is proven unshakable and will be stronger in the future. A test after all simply shows what we know and what we still need to learn!

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Not really the same thing but what you were saying reminds me of this;

"Whoever survives a test, whatever it may be, must tell the story. That is his duty."

-Elie Wiesel

 

[Iam]

How true Ayesha......and we are telling our stories here ;o)

 

[seedling]

So glad to hear everyone's experiences with this.

I have had people say they would pray for me/us and this is a wonderful feeling. I don't feel that I have lost my faith - or even hope - and I get a lot out of going to church, the service is actually the easiest part - the chatting and conversation after is harder:)

Just had this verse in our service - "Endurance builds character, character builds hope and hope in God never disappoints." Something like that. I think Paul writing to one of the early churches. I feel that is what I do a lot of - enduring.

I guess I feel that I am grieving this loss right now. Haven't talked about it to my T or to our pastor. I will think on everything that's been said here, thanks, it does help.

 

[Tinyflame]

Deer seedling, I hear you. Remember too, sometimes the best prayer is a groan.

Am sure God knows of every one of your tears and heartaches, and feels even worse than you do about them, for you. To persevere sometimes is the biggest prayer- the blood, sweat and tears kind. To be 'here' and not giving up is your best testimony of faith- that is a prayer.

 

[seedling]

Thanks Junebug, I do groan a lot! Went to church yesterday and, guess what, the whole theme was prayer. I turned it all over in my head again and again, trying to make some sense of it from my new perspective and thinking about everyone's answers. I did get some peace from it all, trying to see it from a different point of view - that it is a bigger thing now like Artista said, that it is something different, that there are different ways to pray.

Before, my biggest challenge was remembering to pray and I was getting good at it, to not worry so much. Now I feel that I'm carrying all my worries (and they are magnified by PTSD) and I wish I could pray, to feel the relief of it.

If all I get out is a groan or a simple word, then maybe I should just take that as my prayer now. I still keep trying the way I used to and feel that wall and the pain that's there somehow. Maybe I can get to whatever that is in therapy and it will open up to me.

I feel better, thanks.

 

[Jagged Angel]

To start with, I'm going to say that I am not affiliated with any religion, church, or spirituality of any form (it's easier if I say that first).

Many people struggle with their spirituality when something rotten happens to them in life. During WWII, many people turned away from spirituality... this is how Exstentialism was born. I've seen people who have turned away from God/Allah/Buddha/whoever saying that how can there be a God (etc) when bad things happen, how can God (etc) allow bad things to happen? I have a theory on this. God (etc) does not intervene on the world as much as believers would like to believe. It is possible that God (etc) does intervene sometimes, in fact I have evidence that God (etc) does intervene on the odd occassion. This intervention includes good things as well as bad things (despite what many Christians would love to believe, the God of the Old Testament is not all-loving, God is, in fact wrathful and vengeful). Ok, so what does this have to do with praying? Most of the time, it appears that God (etc) is not listening, because nothing changes. God (etc) is listening, because God (etc) is necessarily omniprescent. It is just that God (etc) - and here is where I run off with my theory - has an entire universe to run. God (etc) created the universe and everything in it because it was the best of all worlds to do so... thus, God (etc) in the spirit of this having the best of all worlds, gave humans free will, and left humans to it. This way God (etc) doesn't interfere in the world of humans. To be honest, when I'm asked about why God (etc) doesn't interefere in the world as much as some like to think, I tend to say 'God is a busy person, they have the entire universe to run, why would God interfere in the lives of humans?'

This does not mean that you shoujldn't pray. And here comes the next part of the theory... when you pray, you send your thoughts and feelings out into the universe. Now, the universe is a living thing, and 'accepts' the thoughts and feelings you send out there. I don't pray (in the Christian sense) but I do what I call 'hippy prayers' - non-denominational praying to the universe. Soemtimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, but at least the thought is out there. So why shouldn't you give up on prayer if it only works sometimes? Because the universe is a funny place. I find that often, I will get precisely what I ask for... so I have to be careful what I ask for. Sometimes, I find that there is a lesson to be learnt from not getting what I want. Sometimes I find that there is a higher purpose for something happening or not happening. Sometimes I find that it is not for 20 years that I discover the positive side of an horrific act that was perpetrated on me. Sometimes I am left thinking that there is no purpose in something for me, but the purpose is for someone else. And sometimes, I feel as though there is no reason, rhyme or purpose for something at all... these are the hardest ones, and often feel insurmountable.

You also have to remember that we have free will, and when humans do rotten things to other humans, it is not God's (etc) fault that this happens. You cannot blame God (etc) for letting bad things happen to you.

I'm not going to say that everything has a purpose, I'm not going to say that prayer always works, I'm not going to say (and this one actually drives me mad when I hear it) that 'what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. What I am going to say is that re-assessing your relationship with God (etc) is not a bad thing. I know that it feels like you're flailing in the wind, but God (etc) does not want you to blindly follow.... otherwise we would not have free will. Sometimes people can move away from spirituality and move back.

And sometimes people find comfort in their spirituality in hard times.