Cancelling My T Appt

[Allie21]

I am really contemplating cancelling my T appt for Tuesday. I would just be wasting her time and too complicated for her. Maybe this is denial or minimizing but nothing horrific or terrible happened to me. The therapist will see this and would tell me I'm just overreacting. I don't want to think or talk about the past. I should just leave those things where they are, in the past. I can just get over my issues on my own, right?

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi Allie.

It seems that you've been experiencing some highly disruptive and distressing symptoms. I went through your posting history (welcome, by the way), and your experience is not that far off from my own. I can tell you that I think therapy helps immensely, and if you are experiencing these distressing symptoms, it would benefit you to find a T who works well with you to try and mitigate some of your symptoms and process some of your memories. I'm not using the word trauma, because it seems like maybe you aren't quite "there" yet in seeing your memories as traumatic, although it is my first instinct to call them such.

Hugs for you, if you accept them, because I can tell in your posts that you are experiencing a lot of emotion and anxiety about this T appointment. It probably will not be easy, but if you find a good professional, things can get much better. (((((Allie)))))

 

[Casey_03]

This is avoidance and denial, plain and simple. You've been dreading this appt. for weeks and now you're trying to back out because you're scared, because you don't want to face things, or you're just not ready to admit there are "things" to face. But not going to this appointment is just going to set you back, probably make you feel like crap, and ultimately lead to more anxiety (because you'll just end up in this same place again, probably soon). You wrote in an earlier post you'd been self-harming -- that's a pretty serious sign you need help, even if it wasn't a suicide attempt. So stop looking for ways out, and do what you know you have to do -- go to the appointment. (I say this all as someone who has been where you are. Trust me, you NEED to go)

 

[Justmehere]

I don't believe you are overreacting at all.

If you are struggling with what had happened in the past, you have a legit need for therapy. No matter how good or bad the past was, if you are struggling you are struggling. That's enough.

I also believe that you have been through some really awful experiences and you are having a very understandable and reasonable reaction and struggle with them.

Plus, if you could just "put the past in the past," I think you would have done that.

I'm going to gently challenge you to try to avoid doing your therapist's thinking for her. You don't yet know if she thinks you are overreacting.

I hope you go and you tell your therapist about your concerns and fears. They are really common fears people have prior to starting therapy. I hope you go and share them with her and see what she actually thinks and says about these fears. You don't even have to get into the past. The beginning phase of therapy with a good trauma therapist should be about skills and relationship building prior to diving into work about the past. The first appointment is about going and trying it out to see if she's a good fit for you and what you want to eventually deal with in therapy. Sharing these fears might help you get a sense of how she handles things, prior to diving deeply into the past.

I have shared very simmilar fears with my therapist and those sessions have been some of the most helpful sessions I have ever had.

You are really brave to consider going and I'm proud of you for taking the steps you have already taken to schedule therapy and make this investment in your healing and getting support to build the kind of future you want to have.

:hug:s

 

[Sideways]

I've accumulated a hefty load of hours in therapy over the years with all sorts - shrinks, paychologists, social workers, OT's, mental health nurses, consumer companions, etc. I'm not going to say it CAN'T happen, but never once have I been told I'm 'over-reacting'. And there's been times when that would've been a fair call!

But one thing I routinely get when things are really tough is T's suggesting ways I can react differently to my situation/thoughts/feelings. That might sound like a fine line, but getting suggestions for how to react and cope differently is really helpful, validating, and most often an expression of compassion and concern.

I absolutely relate to the feeling that when things are are their worst, I want to avoid everything and everyone, especially my T. And one appointment isn't always enough for them to work miracles and change my situation completely. But it is caring human contact, and that helps fight the isolation if nothing else. So I remind myself "I'm just gonna go to the appointment, let it run it's course, and see what happens".

I'm always glad I keep my appointments - especially when things are really tough. You can do this. Maybe you won't walk out completely healed, but the chance for any amount of help in these sorts of times is worth a shot, yeah?

Hope this period passes for you and things ease up for you soon.

 

[EveHarrington]

Food for thought-----

If you could just get over your issues on your own, you would have done so by now, right?

There is no shame in reaching out for help from a therapist. (I'd even argue that it's a sign of strength!)

:hug:

 

[Rumors]

Try not to judge yourself... Give it a whirl. You may find it helps just to air your thoughts and have someone listen. Perhaps you do hold all of the answers but running it past someone with great experience is not a bad thing. Hang in there... I can tell you have angst over this and I just want to tell you that you deserve to feel better. Please take good care.

 

[mary1979]

You speak my mind hun.

I made it as far as the referal step, made my appointment with a psychiatrist and since then managed to miss my first appointment, then then second one i reschedule for as well.

Why? I have asked myself that a lot.
One of the answers I.had was my.self doubt about how seriously id be taken, how messed up I really am (or am not) and how wrong it seems to be seeking help and playing victim YET AGAIN, when its.me getting myself into the mess that requires.therapy now I'm an adult.
Like really, how many times can I bounce back to the childhood abuse excuse.
I start thinking 'its my fault I'm like this now, I may not have chosen my childhood but I am choosing my now, have been over 20 years.

The good news is you made.it to this part, you are strong enough,
feelings are important, your therapist will see how much you are hurting and that is more relevant than how bad you feel your trauma may or may not have been.
Nobody, not even therapists, get to decide what time constitutes a worthy trauma, that is all up to you.

And you are worth effort xx

 

[Allie21]

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement! I am with you guys and know I need to keep the appointment. The one thing I do know is that I do not want to keep living like this. I am going to the appointment so we will see how it goes.

@Simply Simon- you are right, I'm not seeing my memories as that bad. On the other hand I know that I would keep thinking about them and the panic. Thanks for the hugs! :)


@Casey_03- you are so right. I don't want to admit there are things I have problems with. I'm the queen of avoidance and denial! ;) I have learned to pretend like everything is ok and nothing is wrong. I don't know why this is such a problem!

@Justmehere- thank-you for the kind words! I know that if I could put the past in the past I probably would have already. I'm trying not to think for my therapist but it is so hard not to. :banghead: I always think that people are judging me or have a skewed view of me. Thank you again for the words and the hugs! :)

@Ragdoll Circus- thank-you for the advice. I am going to go to the appointment and see how it goes. What's the worst that could happen?

@EveHarrington- yes you are right. I would have fixed the problems by now. I'm slowly getting over that asking for help isn't a bad thing. ;)

@mary1979- I couldn't have said it better myself! I feel the exact same way. :) Thank- you for the encouragement.

 

[hodge]

Allie, it was always when I felt my worst that I wanted to avoid therapy appts. Luckily, my husband would always tell me that this is especially when I should go. He was right. I'm glad I stuck with it. Painful? Hell, yes. But I would have continued going through even more pain if I hadn't stuck with it. Everyone else has shared so much great insight, I can't think of anything to add, except that when you really don't want to go is when you really should go. Good luck :hug:s

 

[Leigh925]

Whatever I am really resistant to....unusually find I need to do...or at least get curious about why I am experiencing the resistance. I think all of the comments abo e are spot on and you got really good advice. I still stress over my appointments but I always find that I am grateful I went....whether it is good or bad....it is another step on the journey towards figuring yourself out.

 

[Allie21]

Thank- you Hodge and Leigh925 for the insights and advice. Hodge thanks for the hugs!

I just got back from the appointment and it wasn't that bad at all! She was really nice and professional. We seemed to be a good fit so I'm going to keep going to her and see how it goes.

Thank-you again for all the advice, encouragement, and insights, I really appreciate it.