Can't Cope With This Today.

[Yellow Butterfly]

So it's been a very weird week for me. It felt like I was floating away and watching myself. I saw Dawn as I unusually do every Tuesday. It made for a very weird session too. I'm SO glad I was with Dawn and that she understands what was happening. My head was everywhere during our session and Dawn managed to keep me grounded at least a little.
But then right in the middle of our session one of my flashbacks struck. It was the one where he used the scissors inside to rape me. I can feel the scissors inside me, scraping me. It REALLY hurts. Dawn says it is a body memory and the pain IS real. On top of the pain I'm my v area , I see his face watching me with glee in his eyes....
Dawn was talking me through everything as it was happening, which made it eaiser to get through.
I can't cope with this today.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

So it's been a very weird week for me. It felt like I was floating away and watching myself....

Oh @Yellow Butterfly - at a loss for words for what you just described in your flashback. Dreadful and horrible, precious Yellow Butterfly. So sorry this happened to you! Sending too many hugs to count. So saddened to hear this happened to you, beloved Yellow Butterfly. I don't want to take away from what you are sharing here, I would like to share that I go to youtube and there are many soothing and calming - inner child - music sites within youtube. I go there after I come home from EMDR session (got one tomorrow). Sure understand why you are so grateful for Dawn in your life and that she was able to help ground you to some extent, precious Yellow Butterfly. Sad for your precious vagina and what this monster did to you. Crying now. So sorry you endured this. I am here for you. I care how you feel, and I care that you are hurting and trying to find healing. Love, JadesJewel

 

[trying2movefwd]

I am sorry to hear your having flashbacks. They feel so real and pain is relived. You say you can't cope, but you did cope through the flashback with Dawn's help. I was taught to use my five senses when i felt a flashback coming on (there were and are times they come out of no where though). I found forcing myself to use my five senses and then do some deep breathing really helps me even after a flashback too. It doesn't feel like it, but "this to shall pass". We are here for you.

 

[Jadie Rose]

So it's been a very weird week for me. It felt like I was floating away and watching myself....

Hang in there Yellow Butterfly, I know it hurts and is hard, your body and mind just need time to process all - words don't make it feel any better, as it's happening, I know. For hours and hours I can feel that way some days. If you can get outside, even in a yard/balcony, to just be one with nature...or if you have a pet, they can help ground you and bring your mind back towards feeling happy again...or a nice bubble bath with some candles and/or music...can you do something to comfort yourself during all this? Thinking about you and sending lots of hugs :hug: