Can't Deal With Anything

[Deleted member 37868]

I don't want to do anything, no I feel paralyzed at the moment. I'm in university, and I have to appeal a class cause I just didn't show up to the final exam. Ever feel like you've just checked out? Work school anything besides watching tv feels like a hassle. I've never been good at schedules, but my motivation and spontaneity always got me through. I've lost my need to succeed, and it's unnerving, I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. Is it depression ? I don't feel that depressed, I do have bad anxiety, and it seems like I've been avoiding all anxiety inducing situations lately. I'm also a master procrastinator, but this is different, I'm not pushing things off, I literally don't want to do them. Thoughts? Experiences? Advice? Please share! I'm very confused

 

[Reclusive]

Hi there! Before being diagnosed with PTSD, I was diagnosed with Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Sometimes, my depression manifests as sadness, but most the time, it manifests as apathy. It isn't that I'm too sad to get out of bed, I just don't care enough to bother. Regardless of how bad my depression is, though, my anxiety is an entirely different creature. Paralyzing. Sometimes I feel trapped in bed and I can't get out - and I'm not sure that I even want to. For me, that's the hardest.

Your mileage may vary, but when my anxiety is severe (like it is right now), I don't do anything that doesn't absolutely have to be done - I just take it off my plate, forget about "shoulding" all over myself. I try to do no more than one responsible thing a day, though, because I get overwhelmed. I guess the reason I do that is to avoid overloading myself, because if I do, I'll just shut down and nothing will get done.

So, I would do something that makes you feel better for now - TV, reading, sleep, whatever and then, when you're feeling safer, decide what you absolutely HAVE to do (and school should be on that list) and then pace yourself.

Hang in there!

 

[Deleted member 37868]

Yes! Apathy, I was searching for that word, it really is the worst emotion for me. I usually care about everything, a lot. I'm so here if you ever need to talk.

 

[mamachick]

Apathy-that is it. My entire life, I have been structured and lived by time management. That is how I have succeeded. My plate has always been more than full, at my own hand. After ptsd I started loosing that. When you say to do only what you must for a period, I thought that too. But overtime, the necessary became less. I use to never leave the house without beds made and dishes in dishwasher and counters wiped off, etc. Everything was always organized pretty well.

Now, what is necessary???Bed never gets made, why bother, never know if I will get back in, and that is if I get out. Been this way for past couple years. Even getting a shower and dressed feels like a major burden. I just don't seem to give a F... I hate being this way. It seemed to begin when I was putting too many jobs on myself. It was my job to paint the outside of 3 story house, at age 56, female with disabilities. I really tried and pushed for motivation. During this time, my husband sat every evening and most weekends. Then my sister got cancer and died in less than 2 months. The house was less than half done-I put brushes away and went to bed. Im not depressed either. My body hurts constantly and I don't want to take meds (cause other problems), so I started out thinking I was resting it. However, it has become weaker from inactivity.

Each day, the question is, what do I absolutely have to do??? Don't let yourself get so bad, that is my only advice. You can talk yourself out of exam, or having to make it up....but life will go by...with or without you.