Can't Get Through The Day

[Bookoffee]

How do you get over the ridicule and fear? I am trying through art and writing but it is not helping.

When my wife becomes frustrated I get scared and my body remembers the pain from my step-father and brother. I cower from her and start to sob, hyperventilate, and have flashbacks.

I am so scared and overwhelmed. I need to keep myself in check because I can not afford to take any time off.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Have you tried talking to her on the exact moment you are having the panic attack? Stopping the panic attack in the middle of it, through talking, and comfort, helps the brains realize there is no real threat. Also, not just any random subject. I mean discuss the panic attack when it happens.

 

[Bookoffee]

I was able to do that today. I don't remember what happened after the attack.

 

[RussH]

Book, we get through the day by remembering is is just one day, and as far as when your wife gets frustrated; try to remember to stay in the moment, and not go back into the past. What you step father and brother did is in the past, and your wife will never treat you like that, she loves you.

I know these are difficult times and the emotions are hard to deal with, but it will get better.

 

[Bookoffee]

As soon as she gets frustrated, I start to panic and can no longer control my mind. I haven't been able to find that moment to stay put in the present. It is too overwhelming and hard to control. I am not trying to whine or complain, I just expressing how I can't stop the flow of panic. I can't think fast enough. I get lost and panic.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I will often put my hands over my ears or run away and hide when my husband gets upset. We then wait until I am calm and try to start our conversation over. My husband hardly ever raises his voice, but sometimes the tone or the look that makes me feel like a little kid again. I think when you start to calm, it is best to remind yourself of the current date and that your wife loves you. It is not the past. Eventually, hopefully, the panic will lessen. And maybe once you and your wife have worked out whatever the issue is, you can point that out to yourself, too- like, see we made it through safely.

 

[Justmehere]

I tell myself over and over "something in my present is reminding me of the past, but I am safe now." Even when I don't believe this, it helps me.

It also might be helpful to do some "containment" work around this. Instead of trying to process the past, which can make symptoms much worse, it might be good to contain it for later, and instead process the present. One thing I do is to write a list of what from the past is stirred up, and put it in an envelope/box marked "later." I actually usually have paper nearby so that I can actually do this throughout the day if I need to. I physically write it out and put it in the box, but some people do it by just imagining it.

Then I will use CBT or DBT style techniques to deal with how I am feeling. My therapist lately has been encouraging me to actually write a list of what about a person is triggering me. Like "My friend Amy is late." And then I am supposed to actually write out a list of facts I know about Amy to evaluate if I am in danger in this moment or not. It helps me change my thinking pattern, and changing thinking patterns can help with physical panic. It sometimes works for me, sometimes doesn't.

I hope you find something that helps you.