Caring For Someone With Ptsd That Is Pushing You Away

[Mitch]

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament Anna. I know how you feel. I had a similar problem with my wife when we first met. I couldn't understand her pushme-pullme behaviour. It wasn't until she trusted me enough to tell me about her past that I realised she had PTSD. I still have the same problem but I am getting used to it. It isn't easy.

It is not easy riding a relationship rollercoaster. One moment you are the best thing since sliced bread, the next you are a vile intrusion into their life!
Don't take it too personally. Just because he pushed you away does not mean you did anything to precipitate this reaction. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. If he is not able to provide that, it is sadly his loss. Of course that doesn't take away the hurt you feel. I'm sorry about that.

This man might have a good heart, knows how to be romantic, and have a kind loving side to him. If he is a soldier and has undergone some very bad experiences it can leave him mentally scarred. That part of him that would normally halt his push-away behaviour has been damaged. He may not be ready to admit that he has a problem and to deal with it.

My advice, for what it is worth (by no means do I have all the answers!), is to let him go. Even if you are completely head over heals in love with him, you will still find it difficult to maintain a relationship with someone with PTSD. I'm sure there are other guys out there that are capable of loving you that don't have PTSD. I wish you well and hope you don't have to go through too many painful moments.

If you decide to pursue the relationship then be prepared for a lot of rejection and the need to be very patient. Insults heading your way may be commonplace in that sort of relationship. I'm not saying there won't be good times. Just a lot of hard ones.
Good luck
Mitch

 

[Tinyflame]

Mitch, with all due respect, insults shouldn't be commonplace with or without ptsd. Not disagreeing at all, just saying not everything is ptsd. Including what sufferers think and do or feel.
But oh yes, it could be much easier.

 

[Anna1954]

Thanks Mitch for your lovely words. I know I have to let him go and I have not contacted him since this all happened. I know he is the only guy I have let into my life in about 19 yrs. I had put up such a wall that no man was able to penetrate. I know we connected the first time we met. I have my own commitment issues as well and maybe we saw something in each other that we both recognized in ourselves.

Yes he is a retired Marine with 32 yrs of service and multiple deployments in Iraq as well as Afganistan.
But I can not say this might all be because of his ptsd he is the only one that can answer that.

Mitch I hope you and your wife continue in the your journey of healing.

Thanks again Mitch
God Bless

 

[Mitch]

Mitch, with all due respect, insults shouldn't be commonplace with or without ptsd. Not disagreeing at all, just saying not everything is ptsd. Including what sufferers think and do or feel.
But oh yes, it could be much easier.

Yes I agree! Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between personality imperfections (which we all have, including myself) and the effects of PTSD.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, we all do it Mtch, but we shouldn't give ourselves permission to do so.
But hey- I can be a bad offender.

I learned something funny though Mitch, I know I for one (and many ptsd sufferers on this site), have often expressed that 'we' are All to blame always (by virtue of the ptsd) for how we feel or you may say our responses or reactions.
But then I realized, sometimes it isn't all 'our' fault, and in the realization comes both relief and a certain sadness.
I think 'sufferers' (or their behaviours, and the ptsd), just speaking for myself, can be both forgiven and blamed for too much. It's sad but it's a double edged sword. :(

 

[Tinyflame]

PS, Dear Anna, I don't mean you've done anything wrong! -You sound like a kind and wonderful person, it would be his loss.
(((((Hugs))))))

 

[Anna1954]

Don't worry Junebug I didn't take it like that at all. I know in my hearts of hearts I did nothing wrong, but to care too much.

thanks