Child Abuse And Guilt

[scott_1971_h]

For those of you who have (c)PTSD as a result of an abusive treatment during childhood, have your abusers ever expressed any guilt?
Mine havn't expressed any.
Yeti the Abominable Snowmum, diagnosed (ie by a psychologist) NPD, has certainly not expressed any. She tells people she feels guilty, but I think (surprise) she "feels bad" because what she did does not make her look good. She's NPD, after all.
Dud, officially diagnosed by me as a dud, has not expressed any guilt but tries to control conversations so that he does not have to acknowledge that he knew exactly what was going on (I know for a fact he was told on several occasions) and he did nothing whatsoever to stop it. He's a Dud, after all...
I am not sure who I am angry at the most, Yeti for doing it, or Dud for explaining his wifey dearest away his entire life, or Dud for abandoning me to her when he fled for his life.

Has anyone else had this experience? If they expressed guilt, do you think they meant it (either at the time or by subsequent behaviour)?

I have known for quite some time why my parents married. Dud was so good at making excuses for her, she was not letting her get away (until he owned up to having an affair *GOD KNOWS* why he'd been having them for years and Yeti was pathologically unaware of them)

Scott

 

[mamachick]

I have c trauma PTSD (so I am told) but still not sure how and why-yet to discover. I was neglected and emotionally abused mostly by mom, deserted by dad, and emotionally and physically abused by sisters. No specific trauma I can pinpoint. Nobody has ever expressed guilt. Keep in mind, parents are dead, and sisters Im sure were as abused as I was just by someone else. Matter of fact, bet it was worse for some.

Further, they seem to make up stuff-not really relavent but one sis has no memory of anything. Two others pull stuff out of the air. I use to believe them until one day a sister started telling a story from years back (it was a story I had told her) so I knew it didnt happen with her. I began paying more attention and honoring my own memories. Such as, the sisters would say that we never had any food in the house. Yet I remember that we did. My guess is that there were times that we did not and instead of it being during our mothers depressions, it was" never had".

There are certainly things I would feel guilty for but in my family, I seem to be the only one with feelings of guilt, even if I was only 5 when I did something. Go figure????

 

[NIKI]

Oh yeah, CPTSD here. Domestic violence and emotional abuse since birth. My parents have shut it all out as if it never happened. When I talked to mom about it she says, "Oh it wasn't that bad." Dad can't understand what I mean when I tell him he ruined my life. Now I know I am not crazy because both my sibling validate what really happened and we all agree that it was that BAD! I can't speak to them anymore and act as if nothing happened. How can they feel guilty for something they pretend never happened.

 

[scott_1971_h]

You've both answered my question. No you haven't.
It's normal for the notsonuts parent to minimise everything, from what I've read. Otherwise they would have to take some responsibility in the matter.

 

[Lionheart]

My father did express his regret about the way he treated me and my mother when I was a kid and this helped to heal our relationship. Mom does not want to discuss it, because she was also a victim and is triggered by her own untreated PTSD...so I don't push the subject. However, I had multiple perpetrators of child abuse and none of the rest of them expressed any regret whatsoever and if given the chance to abuse me would probably do it again. They won't get the chance! I haven't been a victim in a long time and I am moving from being a survivor to being a thriver. Regardless of anyone's remorse, I no longer carry the guilt and shame that was never mine to begin with. Me = 1 Abuse perps. = 0

 

[shadowchaser]

My abuser shows no guilt "at least that I can tell" over what happened to me. And my mother has been in the situation for so long now that I honestly doubt if she still knows what is real and what is not.

My abuser covers it by saying things only happened once and it wasn't as bad as I make it out to be. My mother refuses to believe me for the fear of losing her boy toy. But I won't go into all of that here. If people want to know more on my story they can look at my trauma diary.

 

[NIKI]

It's normal for the notsonuts parent to minimise everything, from what I've read. Otherwise they would have to take some responsibility in the matter.

EXACTLY RIGHT!

 

[mamachick]

You've both answered my question. No you haven't.
It's normal for the notsonuts parent to minimise everything, from what I've read. Otherwise they would have to take some responsibility in the matter.

Absolutely right. If they owned it they would suffer with guilt and have to admit wrongs. The irony is that the truth sets us free, and I think that when we admit our wrongs and take responsibility, a weight is lifted and we can begin to heal. It is that holding on to the delusion of always being right and correct that is so toxic. I would rather be happy than right.

 

[Amy Jo]

I'm in a similar boat--ptsd/complex trauma from childhood physical/sexual/emotional abuse and abandonment. My stepfather (the abuser) long ago left (I was 18), and my mother stood by and let it all happen since I was five. Now what gets me to my bones is that she, too, ACTS devastated and sorry--but I know deep down a large reason she reacts this fake guilty way is because she looks bad. She was still in love with the bastard after he left and my sisters and I began to feel the magnitude of what he'd done (and what she'd failed to do). She went from threatening my life if I told to telling family members she didn't know it was going on--that she blocked it out--meaning, she was the victim, not her children. I'm disgusted with her at times. I can't imagine what it would do for me if she actually, genuinly felt sorry for what she did. That's partly why I'm so eager to share my confessional poetry about the abuse with anyone--because in a way I'm revealing her guilt she won't own up to. Wow, I'm angrier than I thought

 

[mamachick]

Amy Jo, you have every right to be this angry. You were a little girl and deserved protection from this abuse. You know what happened regardless of what she says. That is the worst betrayal. I am glad that you channel your anger into poetry because that is healthy. Sometimes I think I forget the benefits of anger. Thoughts are with you

 

[freakofnurture]

My mom is hoooooooorribly sorry. For herself. Because she was such a bad bad mother, oh! And how she suffers from me cutting her off. How she misses me. She, she, she, she, she. Such a victim, she is.

My dad is totally at peace with himself because what he did to me was a) not so bad and is b) my challenge, given to me by Life.

I'd like to beat the crap out of them.

 

[Innordinate]

Initially I was going to say no. But as I was writing .... my aunt and uncle killed themselves. Maybe that was out of guilt.
No idea. Probably not. Probably just because they felt sorry for themselves and realized how big of losers they were.
Sister and her boyfriend? Nothing I've heard, I highly doubt it. Haven't seen either one or really talked about them for 7 years. They're screwed in the head anyways.
I wouldn't believe it either.