Child Abuse And Guilt

[Sethe]

For me, one of the hardest things about dealing with abuse is the wall of denial. I've a strong sense of justice, which hurts me even more when I can see that there is none. The only thing is to walk away knowing they're ... well, I think they're mentally ill.

I used to shut myself in the cupboard when I was little too Scott. That was one of the first things the therapist asked me, whether I'd hidden in a cupboard, and it blew my mind that she knew!

Wall of denial? Yes. Not me though.

I used to hide under the bathroom sink.

 

[Sethe]

"... but you provoked him a lot!"

Wow, so it's not just me...

 

[Sethe]

My parents show no guilt that I can see. My mother continues to support my father even though living with him scared the crap out of me- not literally (though I'm very surprised by that- I did learn to hold it for hours due to the fear).

I wish they would at least acknowledge something. My mother blamed me (when I was hit) for 'instigating' my father.

Uh huh. How in the f*cking hell does a CHILD instigate a parent and DESERVE to be hit???!!!!

The terror still lies with me. How do I know this? I just had a major panic attack/flashback or whatever the hell it was. I know that I am ashamed of them. I feel guilty about feeling this way. Nobody else seems to feel any damn guilt in my family. My brother will only recognize that they're crazy, but he'll also rat me out- which he just did.

 

[Spero3]

I used to curl up in front of a heating vent in our living room. When my dad was building some cupboards in the kitchen, I would crawl into the cupboard with my blanket and fall asleep. Somewhere there is a picture of me asleep in the cupboard. What we will do to escape the fear and pain.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I used to curl up in front of a heating vent in our living room. When my dad was building some cupboards in the kitchen, I would crawl into the cupboard with my blanket and fall asleep. Somewhere there is a picture of me asleep in the cupboard. What we will do to escape the fear and pain.

Mine was my wardrobe. I used to hide in there while Hell rained down everywhere else.
Scott

 

[Sethe]

Mine was my wardrobe. I used to hide in there while Hell rained down everywhere else.
Scott

You know, it seems we're all still in 'Hell.' We may have left physically, but emotionally/mentally- we're still there.

Sorry for the sidetrack, I've just been thinking about this a lot lately.

 

[Sethe]

I used to curl up in front of a heating vent in our living room.

I used to sit over the heating vents too. I'd pull my nightgown over it and pull my arms inside, so I was in a little oven (hee hee little Sethe). We lived up north. For some reason, I found that act to be very comforting (usually when my father was out of the house).

 

[Spero3]

Glad to know I'm not the only one that sought out the heating vent! I used to sit on the dryer too

 

[The Albatross]

Mine was my wardrobe. I used to hide in there ...Scott

I curled up in fetal position and wedged myself between the wall and my long dresser with my hands over both ears and was silently screaming... for years when I'd get upset, my mouth would open but no sound would come out. I would want to scream but was afraid to.

 

[The Albatross]

I sucked my thumb much longer than most kids... 10 I think and liked fuzzy blankets on my bed. That is the only self soothing thing I can think of.

 

[Sethe]

I sucked my thumb much longer than most kids... 10 I think and liked fuzzy blankets on my bed. That is the only self soothing thing I can think of.

Me too! I still have my blanket. *looks sheepish*

 

[scott_1971_h]

I sucked my thumb too, until Yeti kicked me in the face and I still have a scar on my thumb.
Scott