Childhood Abuse And Adult Domestic Violence

[MissPlumDrop]

I am wondering if anyone else that has suffered childhood abuse has had subsequent abuse in adult intimate relationships. Supposedly, if you are or have been in abusive adult relationships, this is because of the conditioning received as a child, i.e Repetition Compulsion. I am interested in knowing if others have found this to be true like I have.

 

[pandora]

Miss PD...yep...that is me! I am only 38 and have been married twice, actually by 28, married twice. I picked terrible, horrible men. I took the good with the bad because I had experienced so much bad I do not think I deserved any better. Now at least I know there is such a thing as a healthy relationship.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I too, raise my hand in this one to....I just discussed this with my Therapist today. My ability to pick the *losers* for partners. The ones that are emotionally unavailable, verbally abusive, don't or can't give me what I am looking for...I am told this is a pattern, most likely learned from childhood. We seek out what we are comfortable with...At least this is the therory that some of my old therapist have told me...

After trying to find Mr right, and only getting the LOSERS, I gave up looking 11 almost 12 years ago. I can't seem to get it right, so why put myself through the pain. I KNOW what I want, but always mange to pick the complete opposite of what i am looking for...

 

[Aine]

I was in one abusive relationship and so far I've never made the same mistake again.

 

[intothelight]

I had the same experience. Childhood abuse and then an adult abusive relationship. I think we spend a lot of time "rationalizing" our parents abusive behavior and do/did the same as adults. Fortunately, my husband is a really good and loving person; and unfortunately, this only makes the prior abuse more awful. When you receive unconditional love, you realize how selfish your abusers were.

Intothelight

 

[MissPlumDrop]

Intothelight, I like what you said about receiving unconditional love and realizing how selfish abusers are. This is something that I have found to be very true. For me, I had been self medicating my pain for years.....until about 4 years ago. I didn't not even realize I HAD childhood abuse issues and PTSD until I reconnected with my current love and became involved in a healthy and loving relationship. In fact, I don't think I really understood the extent of the damage until I was shown the difference between unconditional love and love based on meeting the "standards" of some very, very sick and abusive people.

 

[pandora]

It is hard to be in a normal relationship. I often feel like my PTSD just set the tone for the failure of my second marriage. It was wonderful at the beginning (although I have learned that was the honeymoon period) he would say I love you and say nice things and I would look at him like he was going crazy. I was sooo not used to hearing nice comments..We went to conselling a couple of times and he actually cried and told her..she just won't let me in. I hope the next relationship I will be able to use the tools I have learned to make it successful and stop hating myself so much. I am worth love, affection and good things...We all are. Now to just really make it sink in and beleive it!

 

[his_swallow]

This is me as well. Childhood molestation followed by an abusive teen relationship, 3 rapes and 8 years of domestic violence.

 

[freakofnurture]

I'm the lucky exception to the rule and for that I am thankful every second of my life.

 

[emmat]

I was neglected as a child then fell prey to a very abusive relationship, a rather abusive relationship and a very abusive group of 'friends'.

I can see how many of the behaviours I 'learned' as a child contributed to me staying in those relationships and not seeing them for what they were sooner.