Childhood Childhood "spanking" that caused ptsd and sexual trauma

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Gs172003

MyPTSD Pro
One more thing. If both of these were one time incidents, and then much later you developed your fetish, what makes you think they are related? Could it possibly be you would have developed it regardless?

This is why you really really need to be in therapy. Someone needs to help you figure all this out.
 

Breathe

Learning
I think it was brave of you to tell your parents what happened and a testament to the trust you must have had in them during that time. While you don't think your parents responded appropriately, the most important thing is they believed you and they took action by firing the babysitter. This is significant. You have also discussed this in family therapy with your parents and they were supportive. This is all positive.

I think for many of us on this forum telling parents would never have happened because it either would have resulted in more abuse, being ignored or blamed or the parents were the abusers themselves.

A technical question though, if you were 3-4, a parent would have still helped you with dressing and bathing. The type of beating you describe would likely have left some bruising and/or red hand marks. Did your parents notice that?
Unfortunately they did not notice any bruising. If they did they did not mention it. I also know it is possible from my experience as an adult to spank someone pretty hard without bruising them. It’s also possible I was slightly older like 4/5 and wasn’t needing too much help getting dressed at that point. I do know I wasn’t in school yet and I was a small child.

One more thing. If both of these were one time incidents, and then much later you developed your fetish, what makes you think they are related? Could it possibly be you would have developed it regardless?

This is why you really really need to be in therapy. Someone needs to help you figure all this out.
If you read my original post, it stated that I developed the fetish very quickly after the incident. As a young child I had spanking fantasies that were a direct result of my suffering. It’s been suggested to me before that sexualizing trauma can be a way for a child to sort of soothe themselves or convert the bad feelings into better ones. I have had a fetish ever since that happened. It did not develop much later at all. And it’s unlikely my fetish would be as strong if it weren’t for that particular incident.

At 3-4 years old, if you aren't used to being spanked, ANY spanking could have felt more painful than it actually was. Also at 3-4 years old concept of time is off so two minutes could feel like twenty. Keep all that in mind.
How is it possible for it to feel more painful than it actually was?? If I sat it really hurt then it really hurt and there’s no arguing that.

How is it possible for it to feel more painful than it actually was?? If I sat it really hurt then it really hurt and there’s no arguing that.
Also, two full minutes is too long to keep spanking a 4 year old who is crying and screaming because she is in pain. Even if I percoit to last longer than it did, it doesn’t change the fact that it was excessive and plain wrong. He f*cked me up.

At 3-4 years old, if you aren't used to being spanked, ANY spanking could have felt more painful than it actually was. Also at 3-4 years old concept of time is off so two minutes could feel like twenty. Keep all that in mind.
You’re basically saying I don’t actually know what happened to me.

I think it was brave of you to tell your parents what happened and a testament to the trust you must have had in them during that time. While you don't think your parents responded appropriately, the most important thing is they believed you and they took action by firing the babysitter. This is significant. You have also discussed this in family therapy with your parents and they were supportive. This is all positive.

I think for many of us on this forum telling parents would never have happened because it either would have resulted in more abuse, being ignored or blamed or the parents were the abusers themselves.

A technical question though, if you were 3-4, a parent would have still helped you with dressing and bathing. The type of beating you describe would likely have left some bruising and/or red hand marks. Did your parents notice that?
Thank you. And I’m sorry to anyone who would have been abused more for speaking up. I can’t imagine the horror
 

Gs172003

MyPTSD Pro
Also, two full minutes is too long to keep spanking a 4 year old who is crying and screaming because she is in pain. Even if I percoit to last longer than it did, it doesn’t change the fact that it was excessive and plain wrong. He f*cked me up.
That's just an example. I have no idea how long he spanked you for. The point is to a three year old a short amount of time feels like forever.

Also, two full minutes is too long to keep spanking a 4 year old who is crying and screaming because she is in pain. Even if I percoit to last longer than it did, it doesn’t change the fact that it was excessive and plain wrong. He f*cked me up.
Ok so then, now what? What are you looking for? You don't want anybody to give you any other possibilities so then what do you want?
 
As a young child I had spanking fantasies that were a direct result of my suffering. It’s been suggested to me before that sexualizing trauma can be a way for a child to sort of soothe themselves or convert the bad feelings into better ones.
Yeah, I also sexualized my spanking at a very young age and it probably contributed to my preference for both pain and passivity in sexual encounters. While I'm skeptical that spanking on its own can be a cause of PTSD as it doesn't meet Crit A, it was definitely traumatic for me and snowballed into the later behaviors that eventually DID lead to the trauma that caused my PTSD.
 

Friday

Moderator
I’m going to go ahead and close this thread as the same questions are being asked/answered of the OP that have already been asked/answered several times earlier in thread by several other people... and at this point -with the length of the thread- it’s unlikely that people will read through 7 pages to see the questions they have, have already been asked/answered.

@Breathe If you’re still finding the ongoing conversation valuable and you’d like to discuss reopening this thread with staff, please use Contact Us (Always the best place to get in touch with staff regarding any issue! :)) However, my suggestion is simply to start new threads on individual thoughts/issues/questions you may have... or to start a trauma diary if you’d prefer a more narrative “all in one place” approach where responders are only typically going to be reading the most recent posts & responding to those.

Friday,
MyPTSD Mod
 
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