Got a call from the powers that be a couple days ago. They want my ex husband to change from supervised contact with our 4 year old son to unsupervised contact - day and overnight visits - and I have to go to mediation with them next week. I'm having trouble seeing it objectively and don't know whether my fears are based in reality or if it's because of my personal trauma from him along with my childhood trauma.
A bit of background. My ex husband was badly abusive toward me for over 20 years and is a drug addict. We have 3 children together. I left him when pregnant with our 3rd child. The other two are older and have control over their contact with their father which is usually only a few times a year at best. He was emotionally and financially abusive to them. My eldest son is quite withdrawn and is still somewhat caught up in his fathers brainwashing. My daughter is quite strong and now has no problem telling her father when something isn't ok however I know that he still really upsets her. She has told me that she doesn't have a single good memory of him. He doesn't do anything for either of them for birthdays or Christmas and in general doesn't take any interest in their lives at all
Our youngest was conceived after I was raped by my ex. When my youngest son was born I was still struggling with a huge amount of confusion about my ex - I still loved him but was also terrified of him and fiercely angry. In the beginning I sort of supervised contact between him and my son until I couldn't cope with the ongoing emotional and sometimes physical abuse toward me. My ex then agreed through mediation to agency supervised contact to avoid going court, so for 2 years now he's had supervised contact. They have now recommended unsupervised contact because there have been no issues during supervision and they have bonded well.
I have spoken to the mediators, my solicitor and DV service over the last couple of days and they have all said I won't be able to prevent the unsupervised contact because of the glowing reports from the supervisors and the bond he has formed with my son. They think he has changed. He has always had a way of making people think he is a wonderful man while being a monster behind closed doors. I am so terrified for my son and feel so totally helpless. Is that fear based in reality or is it my ptsd talking? I want to do the right thing for my son but how do I get clarity on the situation?
A bit of background. My ex husband was badly abusive toward me for over 20 years and is a drug addict. We have 3 children together. I left him when pregnant with our 3rd child. The other two are older and have control over their contact with their father which is usually only a few times a year at best. He was emotionally and financially abusive to them. My eldest son is quite withdrawn and is still somewhat caught up in his fathers brainwashing. My daughter is quite strong and now has no problem telling her father when something isn't ok however I know that he still really upsets her. She has told me that she doesn't have a single good memory of him. He doesn't do anything for either of them for birthdays or Christmas and in general doesn't take any interest in their lives at all
Our youngest was conceived after I was raped by my ex. When my youngest son was born I was still struggling with a huge amount of confusion about my ex - I still loved him but was also terrified of him and fiercely angry. In the beginning I sort of supervised contact between him and my son until I couldn't cope with the ongoing emotional and sometimes physical abuse toward me. My ex then agreed through mediation to agency supervised contact to avoid going court, so for 2 years now he's had supervised contact. They have now recommended unsupervised contact because there have been no issues during supervision and they have bonded well.
I have spoken to the mediators, my solicitor and DV service over the last couple of days and they have all said I won't be able to prevent the unsupervised contact because of the glowing reports from the supervisors and the bond he has formed with my son. They think he has changed. He has always had a way of making people think he is a wonderful man while being a monster behind closed doors. I am so terrified for my son and feel so totally helpless. Is that fear based in reality or is it my ptsd talking? I want to do the right thing for my son but how do I get clarity on the situation?
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