Christian Religion Causes Me Anxiety And Fear.

[The Albatross]

Well stated I think. No matter how noble and just the tenents of organized religion, it is a human instutition and bound to be flawed.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I have not told anyone in the Christian community about my asexuality (from s.a.) . However, I did tell them about my sexual assault and then i was attacked by a friend, I have PTSD from it.

They said I was playing a victim...And that I have hurt people just like my rapist/attacker has hurt people. I am sorry, but I do not go around like my rapist and give people an anxiety disorder the equivelant of a WWII veteran.

i am a christian, yes, but I see a lot of whats wrong in the christian community. I am very sorry that these self identified christians have judged you, as I do not believe it is our place to judge one another in such a fashion. But, unfortunately, much of the religion is made up of extremely vocal, extremely judgmental people. Really, I believe that the judging is up to god and god alone, and he is loving, so do you think he's judging you? No, more like loving you and forgiving you for any transgressions you have done. Anyone else is just hijacking christianity for their own means. I don't like to judge others, and it seems that the only time I do is when I'm judging others for being so judgmental! (If this makes any sense!) I hope I haven't upset you by saying any of this, as I know what its like to struggle with religion. I was molested by someone of the church and have struggled with religion my whole life. I was fortunate to have a good friend make me realize that I was angry at one person, not an entire religion or even God. And, I'm fortunate enough to have found an open and accepting church in which free thought is encouraged and I am fully accepted.

And I struggle with the feeling of passing on the horribleness that was bestowed upon me. Yes, I was molested, and no, I have never molested anyone else (or done anything even remotely close), but I feel that in a way I am spreading the evil so to speak when I have an episode or get triggered, and treat other people around me horribly by saying nasty things. I constantly have to remind myself that it is NOT the same thing. Nobody else has ever said anything like this to me, that I hurt people just like my molester, so I am appalled that anyone would say such things to you! Rather for me, its all my own nasty thinking. (Such horrible people, I hope you gave them the boot!)

I learned about the purity trend and those things called purity rings and was so very troubled with it. I don't agree with the concept of purity and feel that that's all that should be attributed to the word, a concept.

I also disagree with the purity ring concept. I can understand wanting to abstain from sex until you're married or in a stable, committed relationship, but the purity ring is something for teenagers mainly, and as such it can add heaps of guilt onto a teenager who "lost" their purity against their own will. Talk about unnecessary guilt! (Not to mention revictimization.)

Does PTSD change people's views on religion? Or does religion change people's views about trauma? I know trauma can turn your world upside down--Loosing faith; thinking you have a short life to live.

I think it's both. PTSD made me a skeptic, a non-believer for many years. I thought "how could god let this happen to me?!?" But, I have found my spiritual side and now see things differently. I can't pinpoint exactly WHAT it is, I just know that I've changed.

perhaps I told the wrong people, maybe I should just keep it to myself...The Church is not the best place for sexual assault victims.

I believe it depends on the church you attend.

 

[PerfectlyFlawed]

Again, thanks for all the replies everyone! So much insight on something I have been struggling with for a long time!

 

[Eleanor]

I wonder if it makes it harder to think about Christianity (or any religion) when we use misleading words: For example "The Church." I guess there might be a mystical type "The Church" but it doesn't have an address and you can't point to anyone who is in it. So I'm not sure what "The Church" means. Oh, different groups (Mormons, Roman Catholics, etc.) call their particular institutional arrangements "The Church" - but apart from these highly centralized monolithic (and even they aren't really) international institutions there is not "The Church." There are only a thousand thousand little churches. And all the individuals, good, bad, and indifferent, in them.

I always think it is kind of funny when the two best "Christians" in action in recent history that my students (college) can think of are Gandhi and the Dalai Lama. A Hindu and Buddhist respectively. Go figure. :confused:

Still, there is a common core to the virtue teachings of world religions (and philosophical systems of ethics). It might help to think about religious organizations as more like hospitals than... I don't know, dinner parties full of olympic athletes or a club for nobel prize winners or something. I mean, here is the thing, you wouldn't expect to find a bunch of healthy people in a hospital, would you? And yet if a church is not a place for spiritual healing,(among other things) then what is it? And, as far as I know, there is no "science" of spiritual medicine, so you are somewhat more likely to get a con man pushing snake oil, or a well meaning quack than a real healer in any random church group you encounter. Just my opinion, but, it really isn't fair to generalize, and it is possible to miss out on really super communities if one writes them all off at one stroke.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I consider myself a spiritual person who believes in the higher power. I do not push my beliefs on others.

But the christian religon both triggers and terrifies me. I am sure that there are healthy churches.

I personally have been burned and branded by toxic faith people in the christian religon. I think it is a widespread problem that is epidemic. It is called spiritual abuse and the dynamics are like those of incest. I have had retraumatization and secondary wounding to the point that i will never enter a church again because it is too triggering.

I will admit I was not wise when I went there. But some lessons are painful and costly and I learned once more in the school of hard knocks. It was so lethal with the gossip that we sold our home and moved far away where no one knows us. I admit it is lonely but I do not have crazymaking or high drama in my life anymore.

Just my 2 cents to this thread I came across. No offense meant to anyone here on the forums.

 

[heidi]

I am so sorry you guys. I think I agree that god can be nature or that you can have a relationship outside of church. I'm not religious, but I mean I do believe in reverence and I mean I think as a human it's hard to get away from spiritual impulses. They've been with us since man, it seems.

So even though I don't have religion I can't say I'm free from reverence and life. I don't know. I think those are good things to hang on to and I think it's okay to figure out what that means for you even if it doesn't fit into a square base.

But obviously it's not okay that they hurt you, shame you, etc.
I think even as a non-religious woman it can be hard to work past feelings of accusatory shame and guilt that come from the christian denomination.
Actually I think that is present in many religions, so it may just be a form of early misogyny that carries on.

I don't mean to get to political with that last part. But I think it is hard to argue that misogyny isn't seen across many religions. And of course all those holy books were written by early man. So it reflects their views toward woman.

I think it takes a long time to turn it around in your head.

Anyway, sorry if I got off track or political. Again, I am so so sorry and my heart goes out to both of you.

 

[zbztster]

I, too, am confused about religion and the church. Much of my trauma is relative to serving as a missionary in a third world country in chaos and revolution. The church hailed me as a hero for my many acts of bravery in the face of danger. When the stressors built up and I broke down I was judged and deemed unfit, left adrift by those who could have, should have been part of my healing.

My confusion is this: if Jesus taught us to leave the ninety nine and seek out the one who is lost, one of the founding principles of His teaching, where was the church when I got lost?

The cliches were pitiful. "God is in control."

We are part of each others healing. I was thinking about this last night. How we need each other. Those of us who understand, who want to be a part of each others positive growth. This platform is good. And I want to give and receive as much as possible toward our mutual growth.

But I am sad for the lack of understanding in our religious circles, the one place we should be able to go and be warmly encouraged.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I just wanted to include that I too have had a really hard time in my own religion. It was really difficult. I was able to differentiate between the gospel principles and the failings of the people involved(i.e. the 'culture' of the church) and I too generalized for a very long time that all members of my church were the same. I am very sure I missed out on many meaningful opportunities to make friends with wonderful people, but I was doing what I needed to in order to feel safe. I was in survivor mode. I think I still am.

But it is so important to remember that while the teachings are wonderful and the principles are worthy of being followed, the people following them alongside us are imperfect and make as many (or even more) mistakes as we do. In my personal opinion, belief has to outweigh the people. In my life it simply has to. But if people are mistreating you and taking part in hate and ridicule, you do need to find a new location to worship. It doesn't matter what you've been through or even IF you've done something bad. Church and God have no room for hate.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't need anybody. Least of all the people in a church. Always hear someone slamming someone else there. Single women don't fit in, either, not welcome and no place for them. JMHO.

One thing I don't understand, is that in explanation, people often say, "well, it's just made up of 'people' ". But isn't everything, everywhere, just made up of 'people', always? :unsure:

 

[Eleanor]

where was the church when I got lost?

But I am sad for the lack of understanding in our religious circles, the one place we should be able to go and be warmly encouraged.

"the church." I think you mean by this the people who thought you were heroic when you first went on your mission? It's a nice story, isn't it, that people go off to dangerous and difficult places, perform acts of derring-do that help whole communities get back on their feet and then come home unscathed? Too bad its not true. But don't tell (most of) the folks on the sidelines that. Remember, one of the big counts AGAINST Jesus in his time was that he hung out with the damaged and disenfranchised. Why would anyone spend time with "those people." Most churches, not all by any stretch of the imagination, but likely a majority (and I mean not only Christian congregations, but Hindu, Jewish, etc etc.) are peopled by kind of narrow, scared small minded people who want to be comfortable in their own "group." It would be nice if joining "the church" magically made people better than they are. But it doesn't. Maybe that's what Jesus had in mind when he said "where-ever two or three are gathered in my name..." I'm pretty sure he was not imagining the Crystal Cathedral!

Some churches are pretty nice bunches of people tho. The one my parents belonged to when I grew up was a very accepting and friendly and brave place. I am pretty sure there were a few members who were athiests, I know of two for sure who were. One was really Hindu. And one of the "pillars" of the church was (as my Dad described her, and only because it will conjure up Exactly the right image) a dignified, Yankee spinster lady. She seemed quite forbidding to me as a child, actually, and I was scared of her for a long time, but then I got to know her a bit more and she was a lovely lady. So single ladies were most welcome there. That group tried hard to walk the talk. Still do, so far as I know.

So, "its just people" means, to me, that there are better and worse groups and group dynamics. Labeling the group a "church" doesn't make them any better or worse than labeling them a "social club" or "gang" or anything else.

 

[Springer80]

Hi,

I'm atheist and secularist. That does not mean I wish to remove a persons faith from them though. There are a number of research papers on post traumatic growth and spiritual/religious experience. I have had some myself and I have made sense of them in my own way. I have faith in the personal lessons that those experiences taught me and how they have eased me into my own skin. I do not quantify them as literally religious but the physical experience of what religious allegory tries to codify.

Dear PerfectlyFlawed,

Regardless of their religious denomination or who believes what on here or even, to a certain extent, what your religious beliefs are, those people are harmful and you don't deserve it. All the extra arguments come second. You aren't ruined and your not perfectly flawed either. I wish I could send you all the support you need. Much Love :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Eleanor, perhaps you said it- the dynamics and such (like the 'lovely spinster lady'). I am sure all churches can be different, but there is definitely a grouping I see in the ones I've gone to as mostly young-ish families, or senior citizens. Not many I see in-between age, let alone in-between, single and female. However, that being said, I'm glad for families or seniors or whomever benefits or finds comfort there. I don't personally hope for it though. It's kind of gone from a positive to becoming dreaded to me, I don't think it's anyone else's fault, it's just 'me', I myself don't belong there. But hopefully as many people as possible can, and hopefully people don't have PerfectlyFlawed's experience.

I agree PF, you are not flawed. I hope you can find a way to not see yourself that way. ((((((Hugs))))).

I would never however bring up ptsd there though.

That's funny, re: Jesus, the 'damaged and disinfranchised', yes I think He would understand how it feels.