Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Go eat some plastic

 

[littleoc]

????

 

[littleoc]

I think, if I can get a new service dog, and if I decide having a second one will still provide benefits to me, I need one who doesn’t shed as much as Nestle.

I love Nestle. But she sheds so much that I vacuum once a week in spaces where I can vacuum. And it’s hard to do that here. Nestle is not allowed under my covers, but my covers are covered in fur... it aggravates my OCD a bit, which is weird and my problem — not Nestle’s — but it will certainly play into my choice of next dog.

Poodles don’t shed much... do labs? Baby didn’t — pitbull boxer mix, but could never have been a service dog in a million years.

I miss Baby. We were very, very close. It’s still hard to talk about her for me, because I know she felt abandoned. It must have broken her heart. I’m so sad about it still. I wish I could tell her

 

[littleoc]

I’m close to Nestle, but in a different way. Nestle wasn’t a service dog when she first warned me something was wrong. Nestle is strong and independent, but loyal and friendly. Our personalities match more

Baby was depressed. She was healing from serious abuse, and was convinced she was useless. She was surprised when we showed affection after she tried to carry my guinea pig to the front yard with her favorite toys. She kept her head down for hours until I said, verbatim, “We still love you, Baby.” When she got minor wounds, she begged for attention and total care, like she was looking for reassurance that someone would care.

I think what got me was wanting her to feel strong and awesome. Like Nestle does. But she ended up thinking we abandoned her, and I hope she found a good home. But I am worried about it and I miss her.

She reminded me of Billie too. Past of abuse.

That’s why the beastiality people are so concerned. They said my pedophile seems to be looking for vulnerable people. It wasn’t love

I do miss Baby. But she and Nestle couldn’t have lived in the same house. I am not happy about events. But I am very thankful for the time I got to spend with Baby and for the meeting of Nestle randomly. Nestle looks way better now than she did when she was skin and bones

 

[littleoc]

My brain is suddenly quit on me. While I was bathing Nestle. Legs got very weak and I fell and it got very, very hard to see. And then I got very, very, very hungry. Still am. Nothing seems to be satisfying it, but I’d already eaten lunch today. And gotten eleven hours of sleep or something.

No fever though. My head feels very thick right now. I’m going to drink water, eat until I don’t feel like I’m starving? or until I’ve eaten a second full lunch, because I don’t feel like getting fat.

Good thing I’m seeing the doc tomorrow. I’m guessing my blood pressure is too low or something.

Nestle smells nice now, exept for the skunk on her collar lol

I don’t have a good time to mention it to others here but that’s probably for the best anyway. I’m sure it’s nothing. I haven’t have a seizure in a long time

 

[littleoc]

The guests arrived and are in a lot of pain apparently but also making a lot of noise

Nestle loves guests

 

[frogthroat]

Hey, I guess this seems kind of random because I don't post much to other people's posts anymore. I read some of your recent diary entries and your "professional organizer" thread and I really think you should move out. I'm not trying to be bossy or make you upset and I don't want to say anything bad about your family BUT....
You would be so much better off on your own. I'm not going to lie it's stressful at first but when you can come home and it's just you it's so worth it. You can decorate your own apartment how you want. It can be clean and free of clutter. You can do whatever you want whenever You want. You deserve it.
Your mom might have problems but she's chosen her path. You can't make her get help. You can care about her but you deserve to live your own life and figure out who YOU are without worrying about what your family chooses or chooses not to do. I would imagine living in a hoarder house with so much going on where lots of trauma occurred or near the place it occurred would just keep you stuck. I haven't been back to my hometown in over 11 years.
ANYWAY, I just I thought I would pop in and be your internet auntie. This is actually something I felt I could give advice on. You should start looking at furniture and stuff and writing a list of stuff you need for an apartment. It's pretty exciting.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you, @RuffledFeathers :hug: You don’t sound bossy at all! No worries. That’s the great thing about the internet, actually, is that technically no one can be bossy :P

Anyway, I really like the idea of looking at furniture. I actually have been looking at bed frames for about a month now... I probably won’t move out right away, but since you’re not the only one saying that either, I’m thinking moving out at least to not look at the pedophile’s house every day might be nice! I could be my brother’s neighbor at his apartment complex, lol. As long as I can be separate from their drama, that is.

My mom does seem to be ready for help, which was her choice. So I can help with that without having to live here, also. So that’s a thing

And then I could worry less about my bird’s lack of immune system, maybe?

We shall see!! It has been easier to live here ever since my mom agreed that the house has gotten crazy. But it’s not livable here either. I will get my lisence, get a job, and see what’s available once it makes sense to. I found out a lot of people are looking for roommates too, so that could even be a temporary solution if needed :D

Thank you :) :) Also I know what you mean! I always want to give advice to literally every person but I’m not usually experienced enough to do much more than give internet hugs. :P

 

[littleoc]

Some updates:

(1) My mom won’t be able to make it to her dad’s funeral. I looked up prices for flights, but besides being expensive, my mom said she wouldn’t want to go alone. So I will let her make that call, but this absolutely means that her Friday (the day of her dad’s funeral) will be hard. So I will make a nice fried bologna sandwich and serve with something fancy (will decide later) and make dinner so she can chill a bit. I might recommend to her that she make the day off, but I know she won’t. She’s already got tomorrow off, and on top of that, she has nothing to do but think about how her dad was abusive all Friday, so that wouldn’t be fun

(2) I am starting to think I have staph! That would explain today. And how bad I feel, and the pain. But hopefully I don’t! But either way, I’m seeing the doc tomorrow morning, so that ought to finalize it :)

(3) hi ??

 

[littleoc]

(4) peanut mochi tastes like peanut butter fudge

 

[frogthroat]

thinking moving out at least to not look at the pedophile’s house every day might be nice!

How can you not get dragged down everytime you see it or go past that? How can you even live like that? I did too though when I was still real young like you. I think you'll be surprised at how much you're still in survival mode once you've settled in your own little nest. You can't fully grow or start to heal until you're away from any kind of toxic situation. I live my family from far away. I'm starting to finally be able to not care what they think.
When I was saving up money I shopped around and took down the prices of furniture etc. Then when it was time I looked for sales. It was so weird how everything worked out. I was going to skip a bedroom set because it's not really necessary but then I found a beautiful wood set on sale and I had the extra money.
I'm curious. When you get an apartment how do you want to decorate. Girl, my apartment is like an 80 year old grandma's apartment. I have a bunch of chickens, bird stuff, and chalkware. What would you paint the walls if you can? I'm excited for you.

 

[littleoc]

How can you not get dragged down everytime you see it or go past that? How can you even live like that?

Honestly, I have no clue! Seriously though. I even walk down the same road he used to walk his dog on at night. I handle that well because that space was mine before he was in my life much, but I have to say, seeing their daughter live in that house really messes with me. And the dogs. Uuuugh. So... yeah, I guess I’m able to live with it now because I’m used to it? But I’m sure once I move out I’ll never be able to look at it right for a while at least. I returned their escaped dog once and the parents invited me in and I about RAN. Haha. The dude who lives there now is a Marine with PTSD and he’s very chill also, but still.

I'm curious. When you get an apartment how do you want to decorate. Girl, my apartment is like an 80 year old grandma's apartment. I have a bunch of chickens, bird stuff, and chalkware. What would you paint the walls if you can? I'm excited for you.

Haha, that’s awesome!! Hmmm. Dorm rooms I had always had tapestries of dragonflies and the world on them. I had maps of the world up also, recent ones, one from the 1500s, and one of Middle Earth :P and paintings that were splatters made into animals by Marc Allante (the bird, the jellyfish, and the whale shark). And I had a stuffed octopus thumb tacked to the wall with a stuffed squid :P

I never quite had a bedroom. So I’d probably decorate like a high schooler! And also have literally to a of plants everywhere. And space for the pets :)

It will probably be a bit before I can do that, but I totally will at some point soon. It would be really nice :)

Someone let me look at their house for sale, but it’s worth $250,000 on a reduced price, so that won’t happen :P It doesn’t have a porch anyway!