Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

It sucks living in a small town and being the hot item on the news. Should have been the pedophile getting all the weird attention.

But my dad is known around town for being dangerous. He gets creepy crushes on weird people. Recently (as in two days ago) I found a court board of my dad's from when he got obsessed with a cop who was working with me when I was a little kid. My dad LOVED this dude and clearly wanted to get in his pants. Not consensually either. He started printing and cutting out every article that mentioned Officer B (I made up that initial to be polite) and Officer B was avoiding the shit out of my dad. The entire town started keeping a slight distance from Officer B for about a month, which was the worst part. So Officer B had to stop talking to me.

He is also known for being "that guy" who always bangs on the door at the alcohol stores after hours saying he'll give $20 for a cheap wine.

No idea what anyone sees in this dude. A bad rumor that an ENTIRE TOWN shares would be enough for me to never want to date that guy. These women he picks up are very vulnerable though.

 

[littleoc]

Please don't make any comments about how awful my father is. I already know.

I'm actually here to discuss something that's bothering me.

I am looking for work. I am very good at that, so I'm not worried about it. I'm sure I will get discouraged once or twice because it can take a while to get work, but you know! It's not the worst. :)

The problem is a weird sensation I got. Sorry for sounding weird for a bit. I know it's not my fault but it still gets me anyway. It's Fungus. Fungus taught himself how to teach Brandi how to find work.

Brandi was having a crisis. He texted Fungus for help.

Brandi's situation was that she only had the experience to work part time jobs. And her girlfriend who she cheated on littleoc with was taking all the money and buying useless things. Jamie, being sociopathic, is unable to think ahead and make good decisions. She make incredibly impulsive decisions that are frequently dangerous.

Brandi had had a savings account with thousands of dollars. She agreed to give it all to Jamie and then realized she was broke as f*ck.

She felt that she had no future.

She came to me for help. I was very, very willing to help. I knew it was stressful. It is not the thing I usually can help with. But anyone who needs helps should have access. I kept how much money I had a secret. It was very important to me that she knew how to become financially stable on her own. Her goals were unrealistic but I attempted to help her shape them. I gave her several options. She said she did not understand, so I broke down the steps to become obvious. These are steps that people generally learn to take on their own.

She continued to get so overwhelmed that she would not go on any of the paths laid out. When asked how she would change them, she claimed she wouldn't change them. When I asked what was holding her back, she said she was afraid to mess up.

I believe she did not truly want to get better. But I did not tell her that

I told her how much apartments are. I told her to save up. She would panic and say that older generations were oppressing her

I would say, "Save up, dear, save up! You will be okay"

 

[littleoc]

That's what I keep hearing. "Save up, dear, save up! You will be okay. Save up, dear, save up! You will be okay. Save up, dear, save up! You will be okay!"

It's making me incredibly uneasy for some reason. I can't figure out why. I would like it to stop now.

I hate what you did to me, Brandi.

 

[TTC18]

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

I think it's making me uneasy for the same reason that Fungus's song was making me uneasy. I just can't feel human. It's weird but that's brainwashing, I guess. I know she would think I deserve this, and it infuriates me. That's how she treated Jamie when they first broke up. But, that would mean Brandi wasn't over Jamie. So Brandi clearly has serious problems that don't involve me at all.

I went through way worse shit than her. Not to say that makes her weaker or anything, just to say that it says a lot that I came out okay and Brandi came out hateful and wanting to either control me or not know me at all. Bitch.

 

[littleoc]

She said it was "consensual" with Jamie, but not with me. Brainwashing me made you hurt how?

 

[littleoc]

I wonder what it feels like to Taz to have these memories suddenly haunting out of nowhere. It feels confusing to me. It must be so odd for a cat. I wonder how a cat's sense of identity changes with PTSD. I bet I could find out somewhere . Yay for the info age :)

 

[littleoc]

All I found was stuff about how cats will act extremely defensive while they are anxious. That's obvious though.

I know that my sister stopped medicating him, and started keeping him in only one room. He doesn't hurt anyone, but my sister's husband is mean to him so he's become distrustful of men, which is sad because my brother loves the shit out of this cat.

I know he screams randomly, especially at night, and the vet said that that's what flashbacks in cats can look like on the surface, but we can't help him with whatever he thinks he's seeing. I do know two of his triggers, but my sister says there are probably more. But those include smelling smoke and being thrown (even gently dropping him from a small height, but I think with effort it may be possible to teach him that this is safe). It's a good starting point, at least!

I'm pretty excited to work with Taz, to be honest. I think he will help (indirectly) me with my issues. And I really think he'll benefit from Nestle's presence. I hear he's been doing really well, though.

 

[littleoc]

I hear he's been doing really well, though.

I have seen some evidence against this, though. His back legs are bare, which in cats is a sign of extreme anxiety. He also has been afraid to move whenever I've been in there with him. Sometimes I pet him and he doesn't even react. No purring, just trying to survive the moment. So, his move will be extra stressful to him, but he has a few months to prepare. And I will get him his valium which should also help.

I think I will also try to get him some stuff to do. My sister doesn't have any mental stimulation for them really right now, except for a window that Taz will look out of a little obsessively. And scream at things that come by. So that's probably not the best for him. I was thinking something that lets him hunt so he can get some dopamine and confidence!

 

[TTC18]

How about some of those kitty pheremone things? I had a kitty who had very severe anxiety issues due to being bullied by other cats, and my vet gave her a pheremone collar thing, and it really helped her be a lot more peaceful/happy.

 

[littleoc]

I got him his first flea collar which helped a ton. That was stressing him out big time, and he's clearly very allergic to fleas. My sister didn't want to buy him flea collars that work because "I already bought Frontline" (fleas in my area are immune to Frontline) "and I guess I wasted my money, so I can't get them flea collars until I am out of Frontline." I got mad and got collars cheap as f*ck from Portugal (good thing I can kind of tell what the packaging says! Thanks, Spanish!) because I was a bit afraid for Taz in particular. He really shouldn't be exposed to unnecessary stressors.

 

[littleoc]

How about some of those kitty pheremone things? I had a kitty who had very severe anxiety issues due to being bullied by other cats, and my vet gave her a pheremone collar thing, and it really helped her be a lot more peaceful/happy.

I haven't heard of those! That's a great idea!

Do you need a prescription?

I was also thinking of putting a bell on his collar so when he starts panic-running he'll hear his bell and hopefully it could calm him down a little.