I hate brandi. I think we should send her to ths spoon cage match with the other monsters.
I wonder if the whole save up thing is upsetting you because you told brandi - and she didn't do it. So maybe you are afraid you won't either? But you are not like her. You are a survivor. You are kind and gentle and fabulous. She is a psycho nutjob who lives to hurt others. She needs to blame others for not reaching her goals. You do what you need to do and excel at reaching goals. See the difference??? :hug:
Hm. I don’t know. Maybe. It’s such a hard feeling to identify. I felt helpless to help? When I gave her all those instructions. She just kept finding more reasons it wouldn’t work. Kept blaming Baby Boomers, even for apartment prices o.O
I did notice today that I haven’t worked through anything that happened that year. I had friends get shot dead and one reason I didn’t attend the funeral was because I wouldn’t want to text through it while Fungus comforted Brandi for being upset that people should attack gay people (even though she would claim she hated me later because Brandi “wasn’t into women” and I looked like a woman. Maybe that’s why she wanted me to be a man so badly? Her favorite was H, then Luke.) So for the entire time she wanted Fungus, I dropped everything and just let her have him. I embodied 100% of her daily problems without any kind of break. Ever. So... I may be having to work through a couple of her problems as I heal my own?
Which might be why I keep bringing up her traumas. I have a serious empathy problem in general and have brought up people’s issues to my doctors multiple times as if they’d happened to me, sort of (though I wasn’t delusional, I’m exaggerating a bit — maybe more accurate to say — “like it happened to a close family member”? I suck at language sometimes, haha.)
I’m a bit worried that Brandi may join this site and say I was the villain for some reason? I have dreams about it. That and her condemning me in a court room (though those dreams ususlly end up with me defending myself completely fine, unlike when I was first having those dreams, so I should be able to stop having those dreams soon since they’re mostly resolved).
But anyway. Brandi seemed very convinced just I had been trying to brainwash her and trying to make her look stupid. But then again, I’ve spent a lot of this diary realizing that that’s only partially the truth. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been asking me if I was lying every single day, nor quizzing me on her daily activities.
