Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I am a female

Feels weird

 

[ladee]

Ha!!:DYes we can say 'boobs' here... you are just too precious!! I know some of my back problems, along with being old, working hard all my life, a few car wrecks, AND big boobs has contributed to my back hurting so bad... seems like I was about 12 and I just woke up one day, and O M G... there they were...

Some women think this is what they want... uh no, no you don't... not from a physical standpoint for sure... glad you are getting to do PT... i found out Medicare will pay for Chiropractor visits... I think that would help a lot... while on vacation,, one day D and I are going to get a massage.. I stepped out of the shower this morning, and somehow, someway , twisted my back... maybe the boobs were swinging one way and my body the other, and boom... who knows...

And don't blame you for not wanting back surgery... D has had five,,, and still in pain every single day of her life.. so, hope the PT and back brace helps... tender hugs for that hurting back, I do understand.

 

[LuckiLee]

My friend is in planning on getting a boob reduction soon. She has a bad back too. I used to be a bit bigger myself then lost some weight. All in my boobs.

Glad the back brace is helping!

 

[littleoc]

tender hugs for that hurting back, I do understand.

Glad the back brace is helping!

Thank you :)

All in my boobs.

Haha! I feel that. A PT weighed mine and scored them to be “about 14 pounds” (6.5 kg ish) and I really knew why my back was hurting after that. Doctor joked that was more than half my weight :P

I think if I do lose weight (by exercising) then I should be able to make them at least more manageable. They talked about putting me on male hormone therapy for my “male brain” but that’s an awfully big thing to just “do”

I came back at midnight to say

(1) I forgot it actually

(2) an arsonist tried to burn down where I’m living, apparently. I’m a little nervous now. Obviously. Who wouldn’t be, even without PTSD? But I’m trying to not worry about it. Evidently he broke in through a back door and set the place on fire. Luckily my room is fine, and my service dog knows how to spot fire and remove me from it if the fire alarm causes me to dissociate (which it can)

Not sure why people are dumb though. I hope they catch that guy

 

[littleoc]

Remembered (1):

I forgot I am just slightly allergic to a certain oil and followed advice to use it to clean my ear and a part of my sinuses

It burns a bit (though I’ll be fine) and I can’t really remember why I needed to say this in my trauma diary, or why I’m having troubles remembering it in the first place?

I’m 105% it isn’t traumatic :P

Have a good night

 

[littleoc]

I would edit the last post to a big strike through. But I forgot how to.

Today was an anniversary for me (death of two friends, though I learned about one way earlier than the other) and I got a lot of emails about it. It was fine until it started thundering while I was bike riding? They aren’t connected at all.

I decided to go back to my old job to help a new guy. He has supposedly been trained but he definitely was not. So despite me not being a manager anymore, I trained him. Friendly kid. Mows lawns when he isn’t working at the theatre.

I’m very protective of that theater and I will probably protect long after I’m not around. It’s a very special place for me. And, for a lot of people. Was built in 1940, actually rebuilt after a fire — took down an ice cream shop with it. Our origional reel — from the 40s — is sitting in our hallway. It caught fire in 2004, when the projectionist that night fell asleep (he was known for that). So, now it’s all digital, but the 200 pound or however much it is projector was moved down those stairs into the hallway. People love to tell it hi.

Anabel the creep doll used to live in there, but we haven’t seen her in a while. She moves around the theater a lot. Usually into little gaps in the stone walls.

Anyway, I did a favor for a friend and went there, but instead of staying for fifteen minutes I stayed for the whole night. Citizen Kane. I bet my grandfather knew that one :D Was one of the best and very popular before Hitchcock’s Vertigo.

I rode my bike home way after dark, without having taken any of my medications at the right times. And I was getting stressed because I didn’t want to get caught in the storm, because it was clearly a strong one, and then my service dog wouldn’t go poo and I had to cancel it. And I took my shower to calm myself because I don’t want to lose my temper at the dog, and then it all kind of sunk down on me.

I remember a news report saying that the paramedics heard the phones ringing of the victims. Family members desperately tying to reach their loved ones.

 

[littleoc]

Long story short, I didn’t not appreciate the emails, but I didn’t want them. But it’s nice to see they’re supported in death. Nice to see people going out and remembering them and going on to not just honor them but change things.

So many people just become martyrs for odd causes. Thinking of a kid in Egypt now but I’m not going to talk about “politics” right now.

One of the people’s moms wrote the email. Calling for support and honoring her son, who also died there. 48 people died.

Not as bad a 9/11 I guess but I still have pictures of the inside of the Twin Towers. Of my grandpa in that big old offices. Can’t remmeber of the context of that photo. I wonder if I should just sell it...?



Last summer I was in basically the same place as the first time. I didn’t really get to process it correctly because I was Fungus-ing. Instead of being a normal person and respecting the dead.

Although last year was when an “active shooter” also walked up to me and pet my service dog and called her good. No one died, though. So that was awesome. The “shooter” got mental help, a free police ride to the hospital, and no murder charges. The last shooter in this area shot one cop, but the cop survived and shot him back. Not fatally.

To be clear though, I’ve never seen shootings up close. I’m very, very thankful for that. The guy walking up to me ended up not hurting anyone. Thanks, my pupper :)

 

[littleoc]

I sort of feel like I shouldn’t be saying anything. It’s not my tragedy.

 

[littleoc]

I'm glad you survived!!!!

That’s still helping, thank you :)

I’m glad you did, too!!!

 

[Swift]

It doesn't have to be "your" tragedy to effect you.
That is scary, heartwrenching stuff.
Good doggie.

 

[ILoveLife]

I didn’t really get to process it correctly because I was Fungus-ing. Instead of being a normal person and respecting the dead.

I have the feeling you don't go Fungus on purpose. It's a part of you, and I get it that it's hard to try and accept it as important.
Have you considered why Fungus is important?
Fungus seems to come up usually when something is off. Or tragic.
Seems like Fungus protects you in it's own way.
If I'm off, let me know. Hope it's not too intrusive either.

I'm glad you survived all that.
I'm sorry about your friends.
:hug:

 

[Freida]

wow. just wow. Each time you add something that has happened to you it just increases my flat out awe that you came through as such a loving person.

You are right - the staff should have NEVER had treated you that way. You were a child who needed help - not a criminal who somehow deserved to be punished with life threatening indifference. It makes me so sad that these things kept coming into your life.
You are worth so much more than that. I am so happy you are still here with us, so you can see that we value you, your input, your empathy, your kindness. You are amazing