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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

Even more news:

Nestle's doing really well! Very excited for her!

A tiny dog escaped my neighbor's house as we walked by and they didn't notice, so it was nice that the lil dog and Nestle got along just fine. And the lil dog let me pick her up, which was cool. The dad came out and looked at me, and I said "I found a dog!" and he forgot to reply :P my mom says it's because people these days are cruel and don't know how to behave, but I say it's because this man was tired from his teenage daughter's boyfriend being over

also these are our Californian neighbors, they're honestly a bit unusual. I mean, they did cut down the neighborhood's most prized trees since the 1980s because they wanted "more grass" instead of pink flowers people were visiting from other areas lol

To be fair this is secretly the mentality of every American. People suffer to bring us luxury. I've seen it with my own eyes, and I am very unhappy with it, I say, as I type on a computer made by a factory that has suicide nets using a battery that is part of Chile's deforestation problem that no one in Congress sees as an issue, while eating my pizza that has many ingredients that I promise you don't want to hear me talk about (but humans and animals had problems)

they tell me I'm too woke but I think people have gotten comfortable with ignoring how horrible the American lifestyle is to everyone else :)

aaaaaand I wanted to report for my own use that I did have a nightmare last night, didn't just dream about the dog. But the dog I dreamed about, I stole for him, stole a bed and a comfy thing to lay on and some other stuff. In the dream.

The nightmare was about the fishtank. It smelled like death and the dead fish were swimming around and I couldn't tell if they were alive. I know it sounds weird but you haven't had to watch your fish die from afar.

or an aloe plant that was ten years old and huge
 
can't even buy bananas without guilt.

If it weren't for Dole, Chiquita, and President Eisenhower, Venezuela wouldn't be full of people eating dogs and rats. I'm very serious about this.

But not even Obama was educated about this, so why would Trump care? )-:<
 
Obama wasn't educated about the middle east well enough and accidentally made several issues last years after his presidency. Not sure why our current president thinks he can master that in other areas of the world with far less education in this very particular area but whatever

sorry, stuff gets on my nerves, it's gotta go somewhere!
 
I can never sleep if I have something important to do in the mornings. If I have to sleep well, f*cking forget it.

I just don’t understand why no one will help me. I call for help and no one will answer. No one. I didn’t do anything wrong. I trusted my mom with one thing and now no one will help me.

I could have had a normal childhood after my dad left, but no. It was even worse. It was worse than living with a psychopath. I wish he would’ve killed us and I wish he would’ve made me more afraid of him so I wouldn’t have gotten him to leave. Making him leave this family was the worst thing that ever happened to us. He only pushed her down the stairs a few times.

Brandi only liked me because my dad hated me. She only loved me because my past was worse than hers. I’m just a game. No one will help.
 
Brandi actively hid in public that my dad was trying to kill us. She told Ms Slinker I was just having PMS and that’s why I showed up late and crying. Then told all her friends how cool it was that I had such a life that. I had to fight past that to get him in trouble and he wasn’t even arrested. He could have been but no one did anything right. Then Brandi told everyone that it was because she taught me how to have a backbone and her mom got my mom to divorce him. She never even knew I risked going into foster care and never seeing her again. She didn’t care either and that was when she liked me

She broke into my room to get a look at how horrible of s person I’d become and her entertainment plummeted because bedroom was the worst thing she’d ever seen. It wasn’t my fault.
 
I just don’t understand why they won’t help me. The Hoarders people wont answer me, companies nearby won’t answer me. No one will help. No one sees any entertainment value in helping me anymore. i didn’t do anything wrong. It was my mom.
 
I’m trying to sleep. It just isn’t working. I have to call a hoarding therapist tomorrow morning but she’s not going to help me. So I’m losing sleep over nothing, have a bad headache, and my bed is still too small for a human and a dog.

I’m good now though.
 
I’m sorry, my brain at night is scary. I try to have a sleep ritual but I must not be doing enough. There’s still the service dog. I can’t get another one to start training because I live in a place that’s not even suitable for one dog but she’s here even if the cold is making her knee stiff.
 
I feel so out of control when I’m here.

Me trying to get in control from my dad made this house possible. If my grandparents ever find out how bad it’s gotten since they funded my mom to divorce their son they would never talk to me again.
 

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