Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[ILoveLife]

Nooo, terrible soap. Worst of the supermarket kind.
Wasn't a nice comb either :(

 

[littleoc]

:( How weird...

These mugs are pretty nice, I just think they were purchased as part of an illness, haha. You knew that.

I’d get you awesome foaming soap that smells like Christmas and would last three months (I still have mine from last year)

And I’d get you a gift card to a coffee place :P

 

[ILoveLife]

Aww :) Thanks :hug:

I've got pretty great soap now! I love my soaps. I bought a pack of three! Rose and something, honey and almond milk, and another - too tired to move 2 meters to check it out lol :) I'm currently using the rose with something one.

I think you do great in understanding your mom's predicaments, don't worry about that. Just don't be too hard on yourself :hug: We don't have to be saints, we can be a little resentful when life doesn't go all that well. And again, you are doing everything you can.
In this case is mugs, not cans :P Silly sleepless humor, forgive me.

 

[littleoc]

I mug do it! ️

I HAVE A HONEY AND ALMOND MILK. Somewhere! Lol. I bet we got them from different stores though :P

 

[ILoveLife]

Ahah! Awesome.
Mine's from Body Shop!

 

[ILoveLife]

 

[littleoc]

Bath and Body Works! Close!! Lol

️️️
Also:

I got a message on Facebook recently that really shocked me. A guy named Greg said he’s been really troubled by the sexual harassment stuff that’s been going on, and he wanted to apologize for sexually harassing me in high school. I wasn’t sure how to respond so I told him I appreciated that he was willing to do that. Pretty surprising and honestly pretty brave because I don’t have much of a reason to forgive him either, but he at least let it be known that it was bothering him

Pretty cool stuff

He barely left a mark on my life to be fair, other ladies filed way more than I did, and teachers weren’t always correcting him. So hopefully he’s apologizing to other people as well, cool that he knows it was inappropriate! Being a teenager in the south must be a weird experience

 

[littleoc]

I guess it’s possible that he’s worried someone will file something, but he’s smart enough to know that it would be evidence and he’s not rich enough to get out of it, lol

 

[ILoveLife]

Man that's great.
I'm happy for you and him :)

 

[littleoc]

Me too!

I wish the people who bullied me for being gay would apologize! Although they never were Successful with me, haha. I would just start laughing with them and agreeing with everything they said, confused the crap out of them!

And when I saw the main bully crying one day I asked her if she was okay and she quit bothering me after that

Brandi had done the same thing (asking her what was wrong) without us collaborating, so that was cool! We both kinda assumed she had a rough home life or something.

Brandi was way worse at dealing with bullies in general though. She didn’t quite get that they were more upset about being gay than about either one of us being gay. It was really frustrating to be honest. My mom told me she wasn’t as mature as me and that’s she wouldn’t understand that you could just play along, but even as an “adult” she still wasn’t over it so I’m not positive that that was fully it, but it’s fine. The bullying stopped a way long time ago! :)

Only time it sucked was when adults starting talking shit

FUN STORY

I had a coach called Coach Dawson who was known for being incredibly sexist. I eventually found out (from him) that he was going through a divorce and he REALLY wanted to teach young women in particular how to be respectful in a marriage

Bad divorce lol

I LOVED this dude so I was always super willing to answer his frankly odd questions about how women should behave (it wasn’t that bad, basically he was having communication issues in his marriage and he was blaming it 100% on the disgraced lady, he wasn’t telling us we were shit exactly, just that we shouldn’t insist we’re right all the time — bad divorce!) and he was always super thrilled when I got them right.

He did say in class during a sex education thing the school made him do that sex between the same sex is weird and gross. He said he wasn’t a lady and couldn’t speak for that but he couldn’t imagine a beard on his and therefore thought it was the most disgusting thing ever.

At the end of the school year when there were no more classes, I snuck out of the classroom to go hang out with Brandi, who I thought was expecting me. (We were inseparable back then.) She totally was and we hung out for a bit before Dawson showed up and obviously was not thrilled that I had snuck out. So I went back with him and he blurted, “Rumors saying you gay,” which I obviously didn’t respond to, and then he says, “Don’t worry about people. You’re alright. You’re the only person who gets things around here, you’d do fine with a man but you’ll do fine with a stupid woman too” and that was that, because during the summer he got fired for telling H (a teacher) that she was fat and her hat didn’t help it lol

 

[Freida]

So I'm completely behind you for your choice to not talk about things. I have stuff I will take to my grave because I can't handle talking about them But I saw a couple things I wanted to show ya about your thought process - maybe for you and your T to talk about?

Partially because I'm worried about not being believed or taken seriously, partially because it's gross, and partially because it's inappropriate.

I totally get this. TOTALLY :) Just something to think about. If you wanted to talk about it would these things stop you? And are they realistic? You know that no one here will think you are lying or gross. Because we all have those things so this is a safe spot to take baby steps.

Also, because I'm worried that talking about them may cause me to lose control over myself.

Yep - I feel like if I let some stuff out it will overwhelm me. But I also know that NOT letting myself feel those feelings has detrimental effects on my health because I'm stuffing them down but they don't go away. So when you are ready, maybe let a few come out? I don't want to see you where I am in a couple decades -- in never ending pain because of things you were afraid to face.

o impulsive thoughts and images that cause me late-night spirals downward that I could never share for fear of making them happen.

It could lead to a downward spiral -but you can't cause things to happen by talking about them. Do you have a small one you can share with your t so you can see what would really happen if you talked?

Wouldn't be healthy to me, might cause downward spiral

Smart girl! This is the important stuff! Not doing things because you are afraid of them vs not doing things because you know that it's detrimental to your mental health

might make me look horrible, might make me look gross, might make people around me be ashamed, might traumatize someone else (I guess I'm projecting myself onto people?), might turn out to be inappropriate to share

Could this be your protecter part? Telling you that people will think badly of you if they know what happened?

Probably pity and sadness or anger?

Oh yea - I get this! No words of wisdom, just kudos for seeing it!

he acted with disgust. Said something that implied that she accidentally pictured it and couldn't understand it. I wouldn't dare bring it up again.

My T did this to me once and it set me back a while in therapy until I finally told her that I thought she felt I was disgusting for what I allowed to happen. She was devastated. She had no idea I felt that way and said she wished I would have said something sooner.

She admitted she was disgusted -- but it was because she couldn't believe someone would have forced me to do that. Her disgust had nothing to do with me. It was because of how pissed off she was at him for what he made me do. We had a really good sit down then - and talked about how freaked out I was whenever she showed emotions because I wasn't able to translate them correctly. It always came back against me. So I'm wondering if you could talk to your T about her reactions? You don't have to share gory details, but maybe she can help you process what you see when you see an emotion. That might be really important with your face blindness??

Again -- I'm totally supportive of you not sharing!! But hopefully you can talk with your t about on how to make your life better while you leave this alone? :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Huh

That might be a good idea. Maybe I misunderstood something?

Yeah, I see car accidents all the time. Intrusive OCD thing I’ve been told. Talking about one in detail might not hurt

Thank you :D