Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[bellbird]

Bad enough that if it weren’t for Nestle I would have been gone in 2015.

I am so glad you are here :hug: :hug: and a big hug for Nestle

Too many things to worry about, so little meds.

Lets get your meds back to normal and then we can think about the big things, k? :)

You’d think I’d learn to quit crying, lol.

Well yes; me too.
But I think I'd sooner like to think that child murderers would stop child murdering.

Something positive: my bird fell asleep on my knee today.

Sweet little bird :) they look so content when they sleep.

 

[littleoc]

But I think I'd sooner like to think that child murderers would stop child murdering.

Ha, good point

Sweet little bird :) they look so content when they sleep.

They dooooo

I got some Halloween decorations too. Outside. A cool floating skeleton with a pumpkin head, a floating ghost, and a pumpkin my mom gifted me today :) And an “eek!” sign on the door.

Not nearly as extensive as yours! But still fun fun fun :) I love Halloween

 

[bellbird]

I got some Halloween decorations too. Outside. A cool floating skeleton with a pumpkin head, a floating ghost, and a pumpkin my mom gifted me today :)

Hey super neat!!

And an “eek!” sign on the door.

Lol I love this.

 

[littleoc]

I am so glad you are here :hug::hug: and a big hug for Nestle

Thank you

I will give her a hug for you. She’s an angel

Lol I love this.

:) it’s adorable. Has a little free-swinging spider on it with buck teeth

Which is decidedly less creepy than real spider fangs but it’s cute

 

[bellbird]

She’s an angel

She sounds it :) I'm glad you've got each other.

Has a little free-swinging spider on it with buck teeth

Ahaha! :P Even better.

 

[Freida]

I’m disappointed in myself but I’ve had a huge amount of triggers at the worst possible time.

Oh hun -- you have no need to be disappointed in yourself - because I am damn proud of you. You are in a tough place right now but you are handling it. Are you doing it perfectly? Of course not. No one could. But you are doing it..you are getting thru each day and trying to do things to make yourself calm. So yes, even though thing are messy and painful you are still doing a great job of staying on top of things

Neighbors have a stupid sense of humor and have done stuff like this before. If you were wondering why that didn’t trigger me as much as everything else.

If you havent yet, please call the police non emergency number and get this info to them. They track this stuff under hate crimes and it helps them build a case for the future if they need it. This is not a stupid sense of humor. This is a CRIME. Too often people blow it off but without it police don't get that heads up that something might be brewing in the background -- and right now they need all the help they can get.

 

[littleoc]

I am not feeling safe nor thinking clearly. I have two papers to write and need to make a recording of myself. I need to do the recording before my mom gets home. If she gets home I won’t be able to do it for fear of being listened to. But I can’t stop shaking and I hear it in my voice. I’m frustrated. Things shouldn’t be affecting me this much. I’m stronger than this.

 

[littleoc]

because I am damn proud of you.

Thank you

please call the police non emergency number and get this info to them.

Okie doke

 

[littleoc]

I am sitting in a car but I don’t have a lisence to drive it. I must have dissociated.

The pharmacy said I lied about something. It was several years ago but it suddenly made me upset. Today, they may not get my hormones to me on time. I’m rationing out the other medication.

I remember an alarm going off and I went outside. Probably to charge my car’s battery. I am having thoughts that aren’t real. The house is clearly messing with my dog because she was unable to help me. Probably she couldn’t get to me, if i hazard a guess.

I don’t feel suicidal exactly, but I feel incredibly down. And that makes me angry. I need to be the stable person, or nothing will get done. I think I told Living in the 70s not to think like that once. Guess I’ll go drink water.

Both my siblings in apartments nearby got robbed. I am unsure about moving out. I am unsure about everything. I can’t even talk today. I can’t get anything done that’s due today.

 

[littleoc]

It’s my friend’s birthday and she lived through the Jacksonville shooting fine. So that’s a positive.

My friend Austin lived across the street from the Vegas shooting and was fine.

Two friends died in a shooting should. Not sure if my friend group’s odds are better than the national average or not.

So much hatred going around. Can I shoot the pedophile now? He’s doing worse out there somewhere. He got out of getting arrest through police corruption. One of the several shooters in the city went after pedophiles only, obviously not well because he wasn’t in his right mind. And I wouldn’t be able to recognize pedo well. Until he tries to apologize again because he wants to talk and be friends.

I am not feeling well. I think I’m losing it. I hope my dad becomes a shooter and police kill him. A police officer who won’t feel guilty because he’ll know my dad and was waiting for it to be legal. Maybe he’ll go to SN where MS-13 moved in and get what he deserves when he foolishly talks to them.

I’m making myself uncomfortable.

 

[somerandomguy]

@littleoc, are you OK? I'm worried about you. You don't seem stable. Can you access help? Can you call your pdoc or a T or someone at your University?

 

[littleoc]

The pedo wasn’t that bad. He was awkward and needed help.

His mom did too. I didn’t get to tell her bye before she died. She knew she was dying. Her death triggered pedo to move to China. To get married. He wanted me to see his ring. My dad came into my room and told me he wanted me to come tell him bye before he left forever.

Wasn’t forever. The police promised he’d be arrested if he stepped foot on American soil ever again. He showed up on my front yard and I closed and locked the door in his face. He wanted to apologize. He tried to kill himself once that I knew of and he still felt bad.

I thought for years my mom didn’t take me seriously because she just went upstairs and didn’t talk to me. She kept asking me if it was really him and I thought she didn’t believe me. Because I didn’t cry when I told her. I was forced to tell her against my will. But I cried when I told her Thunder died because of me. I had the same injuries as Thunder. My dad warned me I was going to die.