Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

NOW I feel calmer. Exhaaaale.

 

[littleoc]

Something must have triggered my sense of identity. I wonder what it was. Oh, well. It's better now :)

I'm going to keep those emails forever. If I ever forget how Brandi REALLY thought of me, I'll just open those back up. I'm glad I feel angry. It isn't uncomfortable. In fact, it's empowering. Brandi never knew what I was like when I was angry, but I bet she'd be pathetic about it. Like she was with pretty much everything.

I started typing examples but I'm not going to waste my time :P

 

[littleoc]

You know who did see me angry? My dad. He choked the crap out of me, but good news, it just made me angrier. Too bad he wasn't sent to prison. But at least he doesn't live here with me. I would never move out if my dad was still threatening my mom. f*ck that guy.

 

[littleoc]

NOW I can stand this house. It's the right one. I was living in Luke's house, with a fat abusive wife. What a weird dissociation... see, this is why I'm worried about Nestle being unable to help me in this house. I had no idea I was confused again. But now that I know I'm just in a hoarded up house with my mom, and my mom is not Jenny (who DOESN'T EXIST, Brandi), and while it's uncomfortable and triggering, it is still not the end of the world.

Weird. Glad I snapped out of that. For once, good thing I read an old message from Brandi! Now let's not do that again for a while. I don't need worldbuilding documents that have been sexualized beyond belief. What a creep. Hahaha.

 

[littleoc]

On a better note, did I mention I have actual friends now? I found out actual friends don't accuse you of trying to lie to them all the time. It's really nice.

 

[littleoc]

Also, my therapist says I don't have DID. Just for the record.

 

[littleoc]

So anyway. I found out that the yoga seems to be helping diminish my OCD symptoms! I'm not sure why, but we're going to go with it :)

 

[littleoc]

Forgot to mention some good news. My bird is getting better again! I think that air purifier will help a lot :D 100$ well spent! Plus, it'll make me feel good, too :D

 

[littleoc]

uhmmm not sure I'd call it fun but it is very interesting! :laugh:

:roflmao:

Have you gone to the unemployment office? You're in the states right? They all have a person who'e entire job is to connect people with disabilities and jobs....

Yep, I am! So, yes, that's an option. I may as well check it out :D

I'm considering... retiring Nestle. :I So, maybe -- if I can figure out how to concentrate just enough to get things done -- I think I could do that! I could try, anyway. Might make things easier... not sure!

 

[Freida]

so very proud of you!!! That was some major work!!! :hug:

 

[MrMoonlight]

You are really making good progress and doing hard work littleoc. It can be traumatic going there but we temper ourselves by doing it IMO. You are amazing.

 

[mumstheword]

You are really making good progress and doing hard work littleoc. It can be traumatic going there but we temper ourselves by doing it IMO. You are amazing.

I second that. You really are amazing @littleoc, and lovable, very lovable.