Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[MrMoonlight]

I’m just a Fungus and I can’t deal with any more of anything, least of all helping my “mom” get this house cleaned. It’s her problem and I’m not dealing with it. I’ve done more than enough. She’s ruined me.

You are not a fungus, you are a beautiful woman finding a better way. You aren't giving up, you are a fighter. I know you are just getting shit off your chest but I care about how you speak to yourself. You have done more than enough around that nightmare house. You aren't ruined imo, we are the ones working on our stuff and we will be the mentally healthy ones. You are a diamond.

 

[joeylittle]

Venting is totally fine, @littleoc, no need to apologize for it.

I understand being resentful and not wanting to spend your own money on a junk service to clear out the house. I truly do. BUT: I want you to try re-framing it as a way to take care of yourself. Not your mom. She may benefit from it, but it's not about her. This is about you, now.

If you are going to continue to live there, you need to do something about it. And if you can't do it only for yourself, do it for yourself and your animals.

You've got a roof over your head, which is a good thing. But you're living in squalor, and that is highly detrimental to your mental and physical health.

Frankly, you'd be within your rights morally (if not legally) to get ahold of your mom's credit card (if she's got one) and pay for it on that.

I'm being pushy with you because it sounds like you are at a breaking point - and going ahead and losing it can be a good thing, when losing it leads to making a change for the better.

 

[littleoc]

I talked to my therapist today about everything here, the important parts anyway. The plan is to have me move out and not enable my mom. Basically. I’m applying to a fast food place after this. My grandma’s fears about our family’s reputation can rest. If she wants me to not be poor, she can pay me. And honestly I think their son being a known child molestor is more of a shame than me working fast food, but hey, to each their own, right?

 

[littleoc]

Thank you all for the support. It really helps. <3

 

[littleoc]

Oh. My therapist also wants me to tell my rabbi that I need help. She says “getting attention” in this case is hardly a bad thing.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

I like how when I didn’t bring Nestle to the interview, I got hired on the spot. Hmm.

I’m really, really thankful right now that I don’t have to deal with Brandi at all during this. Imagine having a job as a human and at the same time sneaking off to text her so she won’t doubt you and let you know you deserve to die or she wants to or whatever.

 

[littleoc]

Anyway, back to my list of short term goals for the “move out” goal.

My plan was:

1. Get lisence
2. ?Get job
3. Save up
4. Get a few essentials, storage unit that can actually fit my stuff in it, etc
5. Move out

I’m currently on step 2. Step 2 looks like:

1. Make list of places I would work, with boundaries but without requiring being the perfect job
2. Build resumes (Biology, Library, Manager)
3. Write cover letters for specific jobs AFTER researching the business
4. Do application; send resume, cover letter, and references
5. ?Wait to hear back
6. Accept the position
7. Try again if needed, don’t give up

I am now on step 3. Step 3 is probably the easier step in this goal so far.

It’s a little more complicated now than it was when I wrote down this goal in January, because I need to give my mom money occasionally for regular bills, such as car insurance, water, electricity, and the storage unit (which, now that I’m paying for it, will be emptied very soon except for essentials I need or that might belong to one of my siblings).

On top of that, this job I just got doesn’t pay amazingly, so I’ll need to consider continuing to look for work as a biologist or a librarian in the coming months. However, right now I’m exhausted and I wouldn’t mind just relaxing into the role for a bit. It will probably factor into my future career anyway. And, it will sure look nicer if I don’t just abandon them two months into the job.

I am being paid more with this job than I was being paid when I moved out last summer to work as an Interlibrary Loan librarian. And last summer I managed to save more than a thousand dollars while also barely having money for food. In fact, my boss had starting buying me little things like hotdogs. So, weirdly, I’m at an advantage now. Despite having been a manager before and a librarian.

I’m starting to think that University should have paid me more for my skills, lol. Maybe not though. They got most of it back anyway, through my tuition, and I certainly don’t regret that. That University helped me in my personal and professional life.

 

[littleoc]

My plan was:

1. Get lisence
2. Get job
3. ?Save up
4. Get a few essentials, storage unit that can actually fit my stuff in it, etc
5. Move out

For step three:

1. Automatically put 20% of my paycheck into my savings account.
2. Based on actual income, Create a budget that takes into account actual necessities. For example, food, water, electricity, internet (for school), text books, storage unit, gas, etc.
3. Apply for food stamps again. Get about $10 a month or less.
4. Transfer excess funds to savings, based on plans.
5. Volunteer at the wildlife center once I know my schedule.
6. Look into SafeLink.

That worked well last summer. I saved enough that I’m still living off of it a year later. I’ll modify this to be more specific once I have an idea of what the bills I ought to pay are and what I’m being paid (gonna just ignore all the tax information for now).

Fitting yoga into this will be difficult for a while, so I will go when I can, and in the meantime I will also continue to go swimming at my aunt’s. My sister invited me to go swimming for $8 in another city today, so that’s probably okay. Just not gonna do it regularly. Free is much better.

When I have sufficient funds and winter is here, I will get a gym membership to make sure I’m staying in shape.

 

[littleoc]

Went swimming and took myself out to a buffet dinner in Kentucky.

I would jokingly tag the person on these forums who I know lives in Kentucky, but that isn’t polite. So instead, if you’re reading this, I thought of you!!!

 

[littleoc]

So, if I make around $18,000 a year, I would only be able to rent an apartment (very unlikely a rental house would come into this range) that was around $500 a month. Since lowest is around $700, that is too bad. I suppose I could ask around to see if the low income housing is useful for me.

I was sort of thinking that I was going to skip the “save up” step or at least shortcut it just a little for the sake of my sanity, but it’s looking like that would, realistically, land me in a tricky situation.

I wonder if it would be reasonable to stay here for another year, if I follow @joeylittle’s advice. I could, theoretically, save up just enough to pay that professional organizer to come help ME, if my mom won’t work with her. I at least need a little control in my environment.

I did find one apartment in a neighboring city that is around $575 a month. Still just a little outside a range I should pay, and it may not be worth the slight discomfort of being nearly unable to save up. Currently my grandmother is not asking for rent, but if she did, she’s in the past only asked for $375 a month. So technically no matter what, money-wise, staying here for a bit is wise.

I should probably just revisit this when I’m ready to start looking for different work. I may or may not stay at this cafe for two months to one year. We’ll see how comfortable I am there and how I’m doing here and when I could potentially ask for a raise. And frankly my brain is a little too tired deal with long term details.

I’ll ask if I can have my service dog accommodated, but I’m sure the answer is no. But asking wouldn’t really hurt, probably.

 

[littleoc]

I like seeing that unlike Brandi I can actually plan things like this without relying on another person to constantly do the “math” for them. You know, like everyone else.

And yet when I helped Brandi out, she (maybe a he now) would freeze up and do nothing and stay living in her girlfriend’s shitty house.

Y’all should have seen that place. Y’all (most of y’all) have seen the pictures of my house, yeah? Brandi cheated on me with someone who’s house was legitimately worse than that. Neglected animals everywhere. Seven dogs, all going pee and poo in their house and no one picking it up. The carpet literally rotted away so you could see the rotting floor underneath.

Jamie was a real winner. Not really sure if I understand what Brandi saw in her (him? I think they’re both men now?).

Side note, but why are all my friends and exes trans men? :roflmao: