Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

on the other hand. i am doing very well and am capable of joy

 

[littleoc]

I don't know. Feels tough to have truly, finally, FINALLY, come to the conclusion that yes, my mother can't take care of herself. Yes, she'll be angry about that but there's clearly nothing I can do without falling into another abusive relationship, basically. And then have someone come in and try to give advice like, "well, have you tried talking to her?" ...yes?

Honestly, it feels like he's on SUCH another boat that I don't even know how to begin to explain this to him. it is very odd

 

[Teasel]

Frustrating when people don't get it isn't it. Guessing he doesn't visit?

 

[littleoc]

Frustrating when people don't get it isn't it. Guessing he doesn't visit?

He does now, almost on a weekly to a daily basis actually, now that he and his ex gf have broken up. He lost pretty much everything, from housing to personal belongings, and came out of it with a singular kitten. interestingly. she was abusing him.

so, yeah, before now, sporadic visits. and now, wanting to fix things.

and i dont mean to sound like i hate optimism or think he's naive for hoping, either. well, you seem to understand at least a little :P

it's especially weird because my mother has been changing her behavior when he's around. as if aware that some of it has been inappropriate.

it's an unpleasant experience to say the least. he's an adult though so if he wants to also swoop in and learn the hard way why i'm trying to escape so hard, then... sure, i guess, but i'd really rather spare everyone and just get my mom somewhere humane and get out of here lol

not that i can make my mom do that either. it be like that, as the kids say

 

[Freida]

Yes, she'll be angry about that but there's clearly nothing I can do without falling into another abusive relationship, basically. And then have someone come in and try to give advice like, "well, have you tried talking to her?" ...yes?

yepper. No wow-- just. yepper

he's an adult though so if he wants to also swoop in and learn the hard way why i'm trying to escape so hard, then... sure, i guess, but i'd really rather spare everyone and just get my mom somewhere humane and get out of here lol

So y'know, there's two things here and they both come back to you trying to save other people from their own mistakes and life lessons.

You don't get to spare them.
You don't have that kind of power
You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved
Your mom chooses to live like she does. Yes, hording is a mental illness, but it's one that she chooses to have because it's easier than admitting there is a problem
Your brother chooses to distract himself from his own problems by trying to play the hero with mom.

You?
Don't get to choose anything for anyone but yourself.
I'm wondering if choosing a bit of a hospital stay might be a good idea because it would get you away from both of them for a bit, and maybe help you rework setting boundaries on the need to save those who don't want to be saved?

And yes, I know you don't want to leave your animals and I totally get that.
But maybe a short break would be good for you?

 

[littleoc]

Maybe.

Plus, had some very bad news this weekend, and just got more. The more bad news is that trump is already doing cuts to HUD. No more section 8. There goes my plans for escape. Fabulous.

Again, why did I decide to live just to be re-informed that people hate peoples like me?

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh someone kill me

 

[littleoc]

I’m glad lion isn’t here, though I miss him greatly. They’re saying that it’s not set in stone, but all the proposed cuts mean that if this does go through, a lot of people will be cut off and evicted immediately.

Again. Wish I had killed myself as a child. I sound like a broken record. They literally want people like me dead.

 

[OceanSpray]

Hi, I’m so sorry you are feeling so incredibly down. I know it doesn’t mean anything coming from a stranger online but I’m glad you are still here.

I wanted to ask where you have seen this policy? I’ve looked but wasn’t able to find anything.

 

[Freida]

double check that section 8 thing. What I saw that he wanted to do that in 2018 and that yes, it is in project 2025 but for right now it's safe. At least for a few more months. Not sure if that really helps but.....
I'm glad you are still here.

 

[littleoc]

Okay. I have the voucher. Stressful tho

 

[littleoc]

Am looking. I am hoping I can find someone who lets me keep my pets. I don't want to keep having to come back here, even just to care for animals. I want to live with them.

In an emergency I would deal with it for one year. Not forever.

 

[littleoc]

My mom has been in significant pain for over 8 months because she needs hip and knee replacements and is meeting with the consequences of her actions. Hopefully I can move out quickly because the daily noise is literally driving me insane. Needed to go to the hospital but somehow made it this far, i guess.

My little brother is moving in whether I can move out or not. I am trying to move out before he gets here because he used to be abusive. He is better now but I'm not interested in being around regardless.

Bestie gets stressed caring for my animals but didn't say that clearly enough for me to understand at first. So I am not feeling able to go to the hospital because he may not be able to help. And I am afraid to hire anyone because my mom's environment is terrible.

I really hope something works out soon. I do not want my animals staying here any longer.