General Combat Ptsd.... How Angry Does It Really Make Them?

[PeekieBlue]

Hi
I've not posted for some time as my ex (combat PTSD sufferer) and I parted a few months ago. I have received numerous emails and texts over the past months, slagging me off, blaming me for everything, name calling etc.

Occasionally there will be a slightly more clear headed email from him, bearing no grudges etc. I have kept my distance, replying occasionally and not getting into any arguments.

However, a few days ago I received a fairly stable and polite email from him. I let my guard down and sent one back. It was criticising recent drug taking behaviour which I explained will not help his ptsd. I ended the email on a positive note. On reflection it may have been blunt but was sent with good intention and the first time I have ever really challenged him.

I ended up being verbally abused and threatened over the phone by him. I was called an f'ing c**t abt 20 times and then he threatened to have someone break into my home in the middle of the night to scare the hell out of me!

My question....he had just come from an emdr session which had messed with his head BUT was his unnaceptable behaviour PTSD related or something else?

Does PTSD really cause such abusive/ aggressive behaviour?

For the record, I will never have contact with him again. He crossed a line where there is no return in my book.

 

[Sweetpea76]

People who suffer from combat PTSD can get very angry and aggressive. They are trained by the military to "fight" in fight or flight situations, and a lot of the times that training has been reinforced by saving their lives in combat situations. When they feel threatened by anything, even emotionally, they are going to tend to fight or be aggressive.

I have seen my vet have negative reactions to therapy sessions. He usually has to sleep after his, but I could see how a vet could be stressed and aggressive after a particularly hard session.

I'm glad to see you have set your boundaries though. Nobody deserves to be called a c*nt 20 times or threatened with a break in. That is very abusive behavior.

Good Luck PeekieBlue!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Yes, spoken as a sufferer, a bad session of therapy CAN cause high anxiety and erratic behavior. Been there, done that, not going back. I'm not excusing his behavior in the least. When therapy sent me over the edge, I never physically hurt anyone or threatened to hurt anyone. I became verbally aggressive with skyrocketing anxiety which sent me into an unsafe state.

I hope he tells his therapist of the symptoms he's experiencing following a session, but of course it's none of your concern at this point as he passed the point of no return.

I'm sorry things ended this way, but you did the right thing.

 

[PeekieBlue]

I think his therapist has no idea what he is like after a session. I actually called the therapist after this incident but he has not returned my call.

For 5 months my ex did emdr and following each session I was targeted by his anger. At no point was I spoken to by combat stress or the Nhs and offered any support.

My ex comes from a very specialised military background so training has been instilled in him at a very high level. He is a ticking time bomb having already committed two offences of assault during therapy. Fortunately he got off with cautions but surely this proves how volatile he is!

I think it has been a huge risk giving him the emdr therapy in an uncontrolled environment such as the combat stress residential programme (which in fairness he was offered). I feel I need to communicate my frustration to the therapist, I guess I'm angry and need to 'let it out' too!

 

[nomedic1]

Yes combat PTSD is complicated, and generally we are quick to anger. But that does not excuse somebody calling you a C so many times.

 

[PeekieBlue]

Thankyou. It's hard, trying to decide what behaviour is uncontrollable and due to combat ptsd and what us just downright vile behaviour.

I will not have to try to work it out anymore as I am refusing any further contact. To be threatened like that is inexcusable no matter what.

I hope he continues to get the help he needs.

 

[nomedic1]

You will find someone who treats you the way you deserve.

 

[Nicolette]

Yes combat PTSD is complicated, and generally we are quick to anger.

True and Anthony has combat PTSD and I'm at him for cursing in normal speech let alone daring to swear at me. It doesn't happen often as if it did I wouldn't be his wife. No matter how mad you are at me, abusive swearing is not appropriate in my books.

 

[PeekieBlue]

I agree Nicolette. It's bullying and abusive. What really got me though was the threat from him. I am afraid a big line was crossed at that point.

I have made many allowances for his behaviour due to his ptsd but the therapy is over now and he still continues to be hostile and abusive. I think my only option is to break all contact or this verbal abuse will just continue. I had hoped, being the adult that I am, that in time we would have kept mutual respect and I would have always been there for him had he needed support but he has gone too far this time. Very sad!

I'm glad you keep strong boundaries. I think in the beginning I was too soft and he constantly pushed those boundaries. Live and learn.

 

[nomedic1]

Good luck peekie, you have to do it to make your life a happier place.

 

[Nicolette]

I think in the beginning I was too soft and he constantly pushed those boundaries.

I was too until I started to sink. I had to toughen up or lose my sanity, or the relationship or both. It's not always to late to effect change.

 

[twopenny]

My hub has had some extremely volatile and violent reactions to assorted things, including therapy (the therapy that went as it should, not only the bits that got messed up).

He's been violent two or three times. Also, sometimes in his sleep, but I'm not holding those against him (I'm fairly certain being woken up is a fear trigger of some sort, but haven't prodded that).

I think the hardest part as a supporter of a combat ptsd sufferer is knowing when to make allowances, and when to make it absolutely clear that something is completely unacceptable. When hub was (wakefully) violent towards me, I got away, waited till the episode had passed, and then told him in no uncertain terms that if he did it again, I would be contacting the police and reporting him for domestic abuse. He did do it again, and in the end I didn't call the police, though I came close. But I did leave the house for a time, and sleep in another room.

In short, yes, I think it really can make them that angry, and when many of us (sufferers, cos I'm that too) choose the 'flight' route, they have had it (literally) drummed into them to choose 'fight'. But that doesn't mean we should put up with it.