Relationship Combat Ptsd: It's Not Fair To Anyone Involved

[Army_Brat_88]

7 1/2 months

227 days

1 phone call finally a week after he got home

A dozen unreturned calls and voicemails

A dozen texts in that time, only ever initiated by me, usually unanswered

2 agreed trips to see each other with an "I'll let you know" attached, 2 trips which haven't happened

Crying and rage and frustration expressed from my end, silence and nothing from his
That has been my 2011....

There's definately something going on...I just have no answers

I'm sorry to tell everyone this, but I'm back.:rolleyes:

I wrote my "see you laters" to this website. The fact is I've felt WORSE doing that than I did reading and posting. I read what people wrote on my thread, and I say thank you to everyone. :) It's nice to know what I've sputtered has made a difference at all, much less had been ever read.

I read others' posts, and I've thought "Damn! I said my goodbyes, but I'd *really* like to reach out to that person" - hence the feeling worse part. I've just gone too long, and read and learned too much to walk like that. Even though my situation isn't changing, why should I ditch people who come on here needing some words to know they aren't going crazy or alone? This combat PTSD stuff sucks. For everyone. For the sufferer, and almost more for the carer because we wonder why the hell we stick around, or if it's worth it at the end.

I've resigned myself to keep posting - if only so that people can see how long I'm waiting to hear from Mr. Army Man. You think YOUR situation blows? :cautious: Try waiting 7 1/2 months, 227 days for someone to "have it together" enough to call you a second time.

I will keep posting until I can say "I've heard from him and the gaps in the story have been filled", or, "I've heard from him and we've both agreed to go our own ways". Right now it's the latter, and the only thing I'm sure of is that it's currently one sided because he's not "sane" enough to agree or disagree with me on it, and it's that not being able to disagree part that prevents me from apologizing for going my own way.

I keep posting so that people who are in other situations can read and go "Holy smokes, how in the hell is she able to do that?" and maybe it sparks them to dig down and keep going in their relationships, or, they take a good long look at the person they are with and ask themselves: "If I didn't hear from "x" for 7 1/2 months - or 227 days, do they mean enough to me that I'd stay around?" because you never know. This beast isn't constant, there's no warning, no guarentees. It could very well be down the road for you if something is triggered.

Let me be clear: Waiting for him, and waiting to hear from him are two different things to me now. I have every right to wait to hear from him, and he knows damned well I'm waiting for the explaination. I've made that perfectly clear to him. But waiting for him I still will not do. That train has left the station, especially when that person can't seem to articulate they want you to stay with them. The desire to do it regardless just isn't there.

Now, if I read my post, I'd say "HE'S CHEATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Believe me, I've wondered. But someone who's been cheated on by a wife that got pregnant by that man leading to divorce, and being left by another woman - in addition to me outright asking if there was someone else I'd gladly let him be with if he just would tell me and getting a "no" nixes that. It doesn't make it better, it just eliminates one dark cloud over the situation, because we tend to always zoom to that as an answer first to begin protecting ourselves from pain.

So I just go on with my life doing what needs to be done, being concerned over someone. That's how I characterize it. I'd stink as a human being if I *didn't*.

Thanks again for the support.

AB

 

[LoyalOne]

♥ to AB.

I am so glad you came back.

 

[JS786]

Welcome back AB. <3

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Sigh. I'll tell you, it's truly a terrible when you're a pain in your OWN ass :p But thank you.

 

[Navy Spouse]

Mixed emotions Army. I was sad to see you go but I was so hoping some how a peace had come over you and you were able to move on from all this. At the same time I'm glad to see you back.:)

 

[Army_Brat_88]

That's the damning part of it all. For the most part you're pretty resigned to many aspects of it, while certain things still linger. I just have told myself that I'm not doing this for me anymore, it's for the newbies who are as scared and heartbroken as I was at the beginning.

 

[Frankie]

You are right to say you are not doing it for yourself....it is the same for me. I come back from time to time, one to reinforce my decision to have let him go...two, to let others in our same situation read what we have gone through and maybe can help them in their journeys.

Army_brat, in most cases there is nothing going on....but his PTSD and I am sorry to say, the "gaps" might never be filled, you might never know what went on in his mind. And in other cases, they have moved on and don't know or think they have to tell you, because telling you means he has to face what he did, face the fact that he hurt you...and that is stressful for them, so they avoid it.

Yes, you have every right to wait to hear from him and have him explain, so it would give you a closure...I thought the same way...unfortunately explanations never came...yes he did contact me from time to time and then disappeared, but nothing was resolved.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

I've read your update Frankie. When I'm on here it's just to help out others as you are because I refuse to let any bitterness crop up when people are hurting. I'll be absolutely genuinely thrilled when certain people's situations that I've "gotten involved in" change for the better. Everyday I hope I'll read how someone no longer needs this site for awhile because it's become good and "normal" again.

Unfortuantely, or Fortunately, by this point I'm really so devoid of feeling towards him that more days of the week than not I'd be ok if I never got any answers. I'm done, said I'm done, and sticking to being done - similar to if one of my other ex's came back into my life. No thanks. You could punch it away from you. You just know you want to leave well enough alone and leave the past in the past. If that were to hurt him at some point in time when he's more "sane", then it'll just be sad we weren't on the same level. But after this much time I don't want to rebuild anything that once was. He owed me so much more than that and couldn't deliver. But I tried on my end - maybe too much, so I've left it behind with no guilt.