Relationship Combat Ptsd Partner Is Unfaithful

[tegan]

Hi everyone!

My partner has always been unfaithful on the level of talking to girls on sex sites and flirting but he has just physically cheated on me for the first time.

He says he was never like this before he left overseas with the army but every relationship he has since he has gotten back he has been unfaithful in.

Every time he gets caught he tells me it is because he is unhappy. But every other day he tells me how much he loves me, needs me etc. It has gotten to the point that I am asking him every day how he is feeling and if he is happy. He always says he is as definitely seems it when with me.

He told me it is because of PTSD. We have also just had our first child.

What do I do? Is it common for people with PTSD to cheat? Perhaps he is trying to find happiness in someone else? Am I the problem?

 

[marc and honey]

Reasurch would show the a percentage of people PTSD are less likely to cheat on there spouse then other married couples. How ever the rates of divorce due to lack of "closeness" and violence are significantly higher with PTSD.
The act or cheating is selfish, immoral, and dirty. I'm sorry, but to excuse himself for his wrong doing with PTSD does not even make sense. Sorry and good luck, maybe marriage counseling would help.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ditto. PTSD doesn't make someone cheat. He is unhappy with himself and there is nothing on this planet you can do to make someone happy when they say they've cheated on everyone because they're unhappy.

I hope you can get into counseling, both couples and individual (for both of you). Sadly, if he isn't being treated, his behavior is not likely to improve.

 

[amethist]

Is it common for people with PTSD to cheat?

The answer to this is definitely not.

He cheats because he wants to, and can get away with it, no other reason.

 

[KyGirl31]

Okay I hope I don't hurt your feelings with this as I'm certainly not trying to but it sounds to me like he is just not happy with the relationship. No one cheats on a partner they're happy with. No one would risk losing someone they really care about by being unfaithful. Unfaithfulness is a choice and a selfish one at that. You say this is the first time he's been caught but how many more are there that you don't know about?

My guess would be is that he is unfulfilled and unhappy in the relationship and uses his PTSD as a crutch to which you will overlook and let it continue.

Was curious but is he an independent person or does he depend on you for financial support? The reason I ask this is because he would naturally tell you he loves you and is happy if you are his financial support mainly. It could even be that he only stays for your child. I don't know that it's either but I do know that if this man truly valued your relationship then he would not do anything to jeopardize that! That's just bad behavior and you do not deserve that!

Evaluate your relationship and find out if he truly loves you for the right reasons or if it's just convenience. You can not go on with an unfaithful partner it will wear you down and break your self confidence.

 

[HelloMo80]

With all due respect, folks cheat for lots of reasons and most of them have to do with their own self esteem or issues of self. For someone to say that he cheats because he has to be unhappy with you could not be further from the truth. You can be in a great relationship and STILL cheat. I'm talking as someone who cheated on a significant other back in college. He could have done EVERYTHING I wanted (and most of the he time did) and I still would have cheated. I did so because of my own lack. I didn't think I deserved to be happy so I made sure I wasn't. I didn't cheat because of a lack on his part. While I'm not everyone and can't speak for everyone, I can say that cheating cannot be explained with some cut and dried "he/she doesn't love you" logic.

Now, whatever the reason for cheating is irrelevant. What the cheater plans to do about it is relevant. He can say all day long that PTSD makes him have those urges to disconnect or put a halt to the intimacy that a monogamous relationship normally creates. However, if he ever wants to be a part of a one-on-one, exclusive relationship simply identifying the "why" of his actions without addressing how to change it doesn't mean much to the person trying to build a life with him. Right now, you're that person. It's not you. He's already said he cheats on everyone so that right there says it's HIM. However, what does any of that matter if he's not willing to take the steps necessary to change?

You may need the assistance of a counselor who can help you make sense of the situation, create boundaries, help you reinforce those boundaries and help you begin to regain a strong sense of self...for you and your baby. Once you put your boundaries up, what he chooses to do from there is HIS choice. Trust can be rebuilt but he's going to have to do his part of the work.

Good luck.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Am I the problem?

You don't deserve to be cheated on sweetie. PTSD, no PTSD... whatever, they still know right from wrong.

 

[.Bubbles.]

No, ptsd does not make someone cheat. That is just plain crap. Nobody can tell you why he does it (maybe even he don't know) but don't let anyone tell you it's cause he had ptsd! You have not made him cheat, hun. Nobody makes anybody cheat. They choose to do it.