Relationship Combat Veteran Ptsd/bi-polar/meds/alcohol

[chicken sammich]

Hi.
The subject above I hope will bring me some comfort at this time from you good people. I am breaking up with him. I cannot be happy here as he is behaving in the worst of ways. I'm not a spouse, just a girlfriend who fell in love with a sweet soul who happens to have some serious afflictions. Ones that unfortunately are getting the worst of him - addiction to alcohol. It is ruining him, us and I cannot stay and watch or be subject to mood swings and verbal abuse. At this point I don't feel totally safe. He is only texting me and I hope he just stays away from me. I am being strong, polite but distant from his pleas/meanness/guilt trips. Just say a little prayer for me to stay strong, and for him to be shown the light. We had a beautiful gift of meeting and opening up to each other, sharing love like I have always hoped for. Please pray that he is reminded that it is worth the hard work and effort to make a relationship something worth living for. Thank you.

 

[Yawpkahrma]

I am glad you are taking care of you. And, when and if you doubt your choice to disengage from him at the moment, or find yourself feeling guilty, remember, you are rejecting the presence of the unhealthy/dangerous behavior, not the man. Your choice is, in truth, the healthiest for him as well. Hopefully he will get this. But that is not something you can control nor should you feel responsible for controlling. Please remember - taking care of yourself is not an act of disloyalty to anyone else. Promise.

 

[still_i_rise]

Put your own oxygen mask on first.
Take care.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

:(


I'll have you in my prayers. Hugs if accepted.

 

[chicken sammich]

Thank you all. He apologized this morning. I just don't know...

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Do you want to share what exactly happened?

 

[chicken sammich]

Just a series of bad events taking place when he or I drink. I am at a place where I want to rid of drinking forever and he is not there. I just can't ignore his true needs vs. his "need" to drink. Sunday night we were out, and again after too many his mood changed and turned on me. I was questioned about something from my birthday, a time when he wasn't talking to me, and when I didn't answer quick enough (because I was shocked at the question itself) he took my "no" answer as a lie.
He insulted me and the people he was questioning me about. It was cruel and unnecessary. I can handle him when he is sober but I cannot and will not tolerate his drinking any longer. We have this amazing trip planned for a week and we would leave Saturday. But I just can't be comfortable going anywhere with him unless I see and hear some serious effort. I asked him to return a few of my things yesterday, and I have yet to have them in my possession. So that kind of tells me that I am not very important to him at all. Oh well.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

I asked him to return a few of my things yesterday, and I have yet to have them in my possession. So that kind of tells me that I am not very important to him at all. Oh well.

Hm... Maybe not, maybe it means that you are important to him and he does not wan't to "let you go" by giving you your things back.

But then I suck at interpreting people's motivation.

 

[chicken sammich]

I am getting them back this afternoon. I will hear him out.

 

[darrenS]

i think youve made a gutsy decision and ought to be applauded for taking such a healthy no BS approach, the first rule with PTSD behaviour is very clear boundaries. You have witnessed the true ugly side of ptsd mixed with substances , they tend to take away any hope of reason sometimes. Stay well and im sure you will get on top of it one way or the other, even if that means being alone. I wouldnt try and interpret the actions of a unhealthy mind, its best to keep the boundaries clear and if you decide to stay , ensure that in moments like these you have an escape route to ensure your safety

 

[Sighs]

In my very non expert opinion unless and until he stops drinking there is nothing you can do for him and no point in allowing him to drag you down as well...

Hugs if you accept them!

 

[Neverthesame]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is never pleasant to hear of a relationship ending. However you most certainly need to take care of yourself first. This is a hard thing to live with (ptsd). I can only imagine it is also hard to live next to.

It requires a huge effort to manage it as a sufferer. Without that, it is horrible. Hopefully one day he will learn to take proper care of himself.