Comedy - Welcome To Doctor Doppemhiyer's Clinic! (lol)

[midi]

Dear Doc,

I'm scared of my closet (due to past traumas in a different closet) and must keep the door closed at all times. There's only one problem, my cat likes to hang out in there, so sometimes he gets locked in there. Is there any way I can get over my fear of closets?

 

[JohnnyM53]

Dear Midi,

So sorry to hear you've been traumatized in relation to closets.

Your situation is simply a display of unresolved irrational fears created by your overactive imagination and nothing more.

In regards to your cat, it is probably having a secret love affair with your fur coat and hat, but it will finally be coming "out of the closet" soon - say around midnight - TONIGHT!!!!

On a final note, do not EVER open that door again after tonight.

Sincerely,

Doc DVD

bcc. Nurse Ratchet: Please forward patient's home address to Dr. Boogeyman.

 

[JohnnyM53]

Dear Doc DVD,

Do I qualify for participation in your musical therapy class for hopeless cases?

I/we have been diagnosed with multiple sub-Dissociative Identity Disorders (multiple, multiple personalities).

Bear in mind, I’m not certain who is writing this letter to you. My therapist has so far identified six different personalities. They are:

· Myhotmom Ghandi: bed sheet/clothing manufacturer; part-time MMA wrestler;
· Cybil Serbant: government employee with three lazy sub-personalities;
· Donald Tramp: a billionaire in the wig making industry;
· Gene-Pool Osborne: a rock star who KISSes with big tongue;
· Martha Stewpid: a Susie-home maker type, with her own tv show;
· Mike Aljaksen: a caucasian female impersonator who can walk backwards.

Except for Ghandi, my therapist/doctor cant seem to access each of them because they over-dominate one another, always looking for the spotlight. Hence, I feel my case is hopeless.

Can you help me/us/them/we? P-L-E-A-S-E!

Yours truly,




Six Senses

Dear SS:


I can appreciate your frustration vit living with this particular problem.

Rather than make multiple appointments, I believe a conference call would be more appropriate.

Please call Nurse Rachet of my office at your convenience.

See you soon,

Doc DVD MD

 

[ISupportHer]

Dr. DVD,

Can you help with any of the 5 "B's" of the middle aged man?

Baldness
Bifocals
Back ache
Bulge around the middle
Bladder problems

Waiting with anticipation, (x5, LOL)

ISH

 

[JohnnyM53]

Dear ISH

Thought I'd reply since you seem anxious for my comments.

I believe you are referring to the Big Bad Bald Blind Boy syndrome. Or BBBBBS for short.

I recommend the following:
- put on a wig; the head will be fine
- lose the gut; the spine will align
- take off the glasses; cuz the bladder won't mind.
- here's my invoice; please pay it on time.

Best of luck.


bcc to Nurse Ratchet: Please invoice this patient five times.

 

[ms spock]

Your Humour is Brilliant

Very Funny!

 

[ISupportHer]

Stress

Sometimes I am stressed and just want to slap stupid people. But I do not want to spend the holidays incarcerated.

The comedian Gallagher had an idea for drivers. That everyone have a kind of dart gun with a flag with a suction cup on the end. They cut you off in traffic or something and you shoot their car with the dart and when a police officer sees a car with 5 flags they would be authorized to pull the car over and cite the driver for being an A**hole.

Is there any advice on how to deal with those NOT in a car. Maybe put a big red "S" in their forehead? Then I can just avoid them, and thus the stress?

You know, some people say "So I have stupid written on my forhead?" And the answer could be "Yes, you do".

And I only expect to be billed once this time, by the way.

 

[JohnnyM53]

Dear ISH,

I have taken the liberty of forwarding your letter to the Ministry of Roads and Sidewalks, as well as the Dept. of Public Safety.

While your ideas for releasing stress while in public are "noteworthy", I cannot address the implications of such ideas, as I am not a doctor of sociology.

However, I can do something for your "impulsive" need to "launch" objects at people who stress you out.

Regarding the impulses, I would recommend extensive and intensive electro-shock therapy. For you - not them. Considering that I use public roads, I'll even do it for free. If you agree, we will throw in reconstructive surgery for that forehead of yours - sort of like wiping the slate clean. It recently did wonders for one of my patients (Gallagher).

Attached is my invoice. In view of your behavioral nature, please pay by phone.

Sincerely,

Doc DVD MD AF (arrow free)


bcc. Note to Nurse Ratchet - Please file this under BDSM (Ballistic Drivers/Stupid Morons)
bccc Dept. of Corrections - Please make one reservation for this weekend. Trust me.

 

[ISupportHer]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

 

[becvan]

Johnny I believe you just topped yourself with that last one....:rofl::rofl::rofl:

bec

 

[Frankie]

This is sooooooooo good !!! Thanks J for starting this thread, you are GOOD !!! and ISH.....great questions !!:rofl::rofl::rofl:Thanks for the laughter, very much needed today :smile:

 

[tryintobreathe]

Dear Dr. DVD,

I took your advice to achieve true inner peace by finishing what I start I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

Sincerely,

Jen