Comfort object

[Overcoming]

I'm beginning emdr with a focus on grieving my emotionally neglectful and abusive mother. I battle the desire for the comfort of a mother figure, but as that is not really a viable option, I am afraid of how I might respond didn't EMDR. I resort to feeling like a small, unprotected, and scared child. I'm considering bringing something to hug, a comfort object or such. Do you have a comfort Object for therapy? If so, what is it?

 

[FauxLiz]

I have a few different items depending upon where I am going to be and what it going on. I have an oval acrylic 4 leaf clover (hasn't been lucky) which I use like a grounding stone. I will rub it in my hands, spin it around on tables much like a fidget device. I never go to therapy without a bottle of water and hold/hug this stupid throw pillow on the couch the entire session. But probably my most comforting items are the stuffed animals that I have inherited as my kids out grew them. I travel with them, I sleep with them and I don't care what the screeners at the the airports think when they see a middle aged woman traveling alone with a stuffed animal in her carry-on.

 

[Rose White]

@FauxLiz my little me loves your attitude!

My stuffy that I sleep with is a big one so carrying it to therapy leaves me feeling incredibly exposed and vulnerable—but I think about doing it again sometimes.

When I first started recovery last year I had a different stuffy, still big—a purple rabbit that my young daughter didn’t want, but I loved on it so much that she grew jealous and took it back! She gave me another stuffy—a pink horse—that I use now.

Back in those early days of therapy with current T—all of seven months ago! :rolleyes:—when I was unaware of my parts and just popped into different ones unaware, my T asked if I would bring my stuffy so I did a few times—it was scary! It was scary if one of her other clients saw me or if my husband saw me (he still has a hard time understanding the regression, but back then it was even more foreign to him.)

I ended up having an out-of-control regression one time when I brought the purple rabbit. That was the first time T watched me walk all the way to my car at the end—and she always walks me out now.

How fragile we are!

Now if I bring something it’s usually a rock or a crystal and I just play with it the whole time.

 

[whiteraven]

I don't use anything in therapy now, but in the early years after my DID was diagnosed I took a stuffed white polar bear with me all the time. White bears are one of my insider's favorites, so she also was very comforted when we had her bear. I still have it (of course) and sometimes sleep with it now.

 

[Freida]

When I'm actually doing the emdr processing T doesn't want me to have "comfort" because she wants me to focus on the feelings.
But as soon as we are done my service dog jumps up on my lap, so I would guess a comfort stuffy would be the same way. Something to calm and ground you after you work the memories...

 

[T2L]

EMDR wasn't a good for for me, but I ironically sleep with a bear I gave my mom the weeks before she died. Despite our tulmultous relationship and her refusing to see me for years, she was connected to that teddy bear and would freak out if she couldn't find it. I suppose deep down she loved me even if she couldn't acknowledge it or see my presence (until the very end). Anyway, I found I am glued to this brar now and have to sleep with it. It's comfort for me. I don't know if it's because of the care she had towards me, even if the bear was the messenger and she couldn't directly express it. Regardless, it's become my comfort I have to have! Maybe you have a small object with an outcome of a positive memory or feeling that you can use to comfort or ground you.

 

[Overcoming]

@Freida I'm so scared of the feelings. I've done EMDR for a traumatic memory before. I was processing my first rape. That was hard. My body involuntarily twitches and jerks. It can be embarrassing. I made it though and proved to be helpful. This time, what I am working on is my pain from having a lack of a mother, no nurturing. When that comes up, which is frequent. Nearly every time I'm triggered from something that reminds me of the sexual abuse, I begin feeling the pangs of being motherless and uncomforted and a childlike part of me comes forward, feeling rage and self-loathing. It ends in self-harm sometimes and dissociation. I'm so afraid of what it is going to be like doing EMDR and feeling so exposed and unprotected. I envision curling up into a ball. I'm so tired of this stuff, but I need it. I am too easily drawn to mother figures and I must deal with this desire by moving through the grief process.

 

[Freida]

I'm so afraid of what it is going to be like doing EMDR and feeling so exposed and unprotected. I envision curling up into a ball. I

Yep -- it may be really tough because you are going into the deep work. But it will be worth it!!! I think maybe spending some extra time setting your grounding place may be helpful?? And yep -- I've hit the floor a couple times curled up with SD over the last few months. It's embarrassing but .....I keep reminding myself that it will be worth it.

 

[Overcoming]

@Freida what's SD stand for?

 

[Optimistic Mess]

@Freida I'm so scared of the feelings. I've done EMDR for a traumatic memory bef...

I had no nurturing from the "person that birthed me" who was a mother only in the literal word and was sexually abused by my father. I have done 3 EMDR sessions. Very difficult but I can tell you that I do feel better now if that helps

 

[Changing4Best]

Just a bottle of water.

 

[Mee]

Not an item but I choice my clothes carefully for therapy to give me ’tactile comfort’. If I felt it reasonable I would probably wrap under a blanket