What could’ve brought you comfort with the trauma?

[Charbella]

First I had no idea where to put this so if it needs to be moved, have at it.

I was thinking about how so many people struggle with the care they didn’t receive when the trauma happened. Then I started wondering, What would that look like? I mean what kinds of words of comfort can anyone provide that helps a 10 year old CSA victim feel anything but terrible?

What do you say to a victim of rape that somehow could help them be whole again?

It’s kind of like what can anyone say to the war vet that could bring them comfort for the people they killed and the comrades they lost?

How do you bring comfort to someone who’s been through something so terrible? I honestly can’t think of anything. Like nothing would be significant enough to actually make any sort of difference.

Maybe it’s a symptom of the issue that I can think of nothing that would change how that memory is held.

Hopefully someone has something that can help me see it differently.

 

[Dee88]

First I had no idea where to put this so if it needs to be moved, have at it.

I was thinking about how so many people struggle with the care they didn’t receive when the trauma happened. Then I started wondering, What would that look like? I mean what kinds of words of comfort can anyone provide that helps a 10 year old CSA victim feel anything but terrible?

What do you say to a victim of rape that somehow could help them be whole again?

It’s kind of like what can anyone say to the war vet that could bring them comfort for the people they killed and the comrades they lost?

How do you bring comfort to someone who’s been through something so terrible? I honestly can’t think of anything. Like nothing would be significant enough to actually make any sort of difference.

Maybe it’s a symptom of the issue that I can think of nothing that would change how that memory is held.

Hopefully someone has something that can help me see it differently.

Hi Charbella,
Comfort is so valuable. Is there a way to erase the memory of traumatic experience? What else can we do? Comfort can be defined differently by people. Seek comfort from others who validate the experience. Sometimes comfort is found being with people who can have compassion and share it until self-compassion can be learned or developed. The right brain is craving connection and creation. Intentional thoughts are powerful and provide confidence and courage. Be well and stay committed to creating a comfortable space.
Dee88

I have no PTSD, I am just trying to be a supporter
I have not lived so terrible situations in my life as you describe, but I had situations that were traumatic for me, like the lost of a baby or find my (now ex) husband f*cking with the woman who was supposed to be my friend
In that situations, nothing could be said to make me feel better. My baby was dead and nothing could be said to change that
That moments are like a fog in my mind, but I remember that some friends were there. They knew that I was feeling bad and they came house so I was not alone. I dont remember what they said. I only remember that I was crying and complete destroyed but they were there, eating a pizza or something with me, and their presence made me feel better. I still felt so bad, but a little better. For me, it made a difference.

Nairobi,
Staying connected to safe, compassionate humans is helpful to me as well. It helps me refocus and find joys in my life that I want to replicate!
Dee88

 

[Movingforward10]

First I had no idea where to put this so if it needs to be moved, have at it.

I was thinking about how so many people struggle with the care they didn’t receive when the trauma happened. Then I started wondering, What would that look like? I mean what kinds of words of comfort can anyone provide that helps a 10 year old CSA victim feel anything but terrible?

What do you say to a victim of rape that somehow could help them be whole again?

It’s kind of like what can anyone say to the war vet that could bring them comfort for the people they killed and the comrades they lost?

How do you bring comfort to someone who’s been through something so terrible? I honestly can’t think of anything. Like nothing would be significant enough to actually make any sort of difference.

Maybe it’s a symptom of the issue that I can think of nothing that would change how that memory is held.

Hopefully someone has something that can help me see it differently.

I feel like all the things my T has said have brought me comfort. And things that E and friends have said. And things you all have said on here.

Sometimes the words are important. Like one time T said "he was a predator and he raped you." It was those words, mixed with how she said it. I felt her anger at what he did and that made me believe it was rape, that he did the wrong thing not me. It helped in many ways: shifting self blame, shifting doubt, validating, giving space to me etc etc.
Yes, that came decades after the event. But I wonder at the time how amazing it would have been to have someone say that to me then. All that going through it alone, that wouldn't have happened. All that self blame and the messages we give ourselves about how it's our fault, something about us is just inherently wrong: I imagine all that wouldn't have happened as we would have had the messages that the other person did the wrong thing and that we would have received care reinforcing that we were worthy of love and protection.
I think it would have brought comfort and also taken away a lot of the emotional and mental suffering that comes from dealing with that alone and isolated. It wouldn't have taken away the pain of the trauma, but it would have provided a place for healing?

 

[Bamboo]

I wondered what care would look like post rape or post things. And I took that first rape to think about. For me it would have been someone telling me that it was rape that happened, and that it was the other person's fault not mine.


Otherwise: being on your own..... that's when you turn it in on yourself. Blame yourself. Make it not have happened because it's too much to deal with. Hating yourself as that seems the logical thing to do. No one cares enough to notice so how unloveable and hateful must I be? Etc etc etc.
So not having care, makes it a billion times worse.

This

 

[Teasel]

It's difficult thinking about this. First thing that comes to mind is that someone noticing would have been a start. It's hard to get my head round how incredibly f*cking blind everyone around me was.

 

[Freddyt]

It's hard to get my head round how incredibly f*cking blind everyone around me was.

Yup, wished many times my dad would have hired a private night nurse like he wanted to.....

 

[Dave Ryan]

I don't think anything would have helped me. Given what was happening (I was an overweight teenage boy being made to wear women's shapewear under my school uniform) I just wanted my humiliating secret to remain precisely that - secret. I often thought about confiding in my best friend, just to have someone to talk to about it, but what could he have said? An adult might have spouted platitudes, but as teenage boys, telling him I had to wear a panty girdle would just have embarrassed the hell out of both of us and would have become a huge elephant in the room from then on. The best comfort I could have was keeping the number of people who knew to a minimum.

 

[Rose White]

Nothing because I didn’t know I was traumatized—it was just weird things that kept happening and why was my dad so mad, if only I could be perfect. I was unable to receive any sense of “feel better” because I didn’t know that anything bad/wrong was happening. Also “feel better” was kind of danger to me for some reason—very much suspicion and avoidance of that on my part ever since I could remember—thought it was fake and a trap.