Coming out after being stalked

[shimmerz]

Okay, so I am ready to put my foot to the petal. It is terrifying. I was literally stalked, home invaded, bad people broke into my house, followed my car (tracking device), invaded my office for 2.5 years. I was forced, for my own sanity and safety to drop off the face of the earth.

I dropped out of internet life, made myself an alias. I used a PO Box as an address. Absolutely never shared my phone number. I literally haven't used my name or address or phone number for almost 11 years.

But if I am going to work again I need to put my name, phone number, even address out there again. It is terrifying.

I get that this is a 'back then' thing. I am still in the same area though. So it worries me. They used all sorts of 'strangers' (criminals) so I never knew who was just a stranger and who was involved with this campaign to terrorize me. All of this caused me to be homeless for just around 10 years.

I have just come out with my current address as I have gotten myself to the point that I can actually be in a closed in area again, 3.5 months ago. Address is registered properly with MTO (Ministry of Transport). Scary as all get out. I am now creating a paypal account and have been really dragging my feet on putting my name out there, but it must be done if I am going to work again (it is a business and I need to advertise etc).

Any thoughts on how to help break down this barrier? If I keep this avoidance behaviour up, I won't have any quality of life. I need to get through this..... Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Freida]

not thoughts exactly but maybe some questions to give you some ideas......
Can you leave the area? Start your life elsewhere?
Can you do a name change? Or are these people you would meet face to face?
Do you have any restraining order type things or has it been to long?
Is there anyway to find out through your local police if the main players are still in the area?
Please say you are working with a T on this also..... does she have any suggestions?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you . And back then or not -- it is still very real....

 

[scout86]

You basically have one person to worry about, right? The ex? (Want took make sure I'm understanding correctly.) Those "strangers" sounds like they were hired to do a job and it was professional, not personal.

My T talks a lot about "possibility vs probability" when it comes to what's excessive vigilance. To assess that, you need to know where the ex is at, mentally. Do you? He knows you're around, right? How much does he care?

Beyond trying to get an accurate assessment of the threat level? In your situation, I'd probably look into surveillance cameras, hoping to get enough proof to hang the bastard if it comes down to it. :D

In a lot of ways, being public and visible and known is protective. People who know you aren't likely to buy the "crazy Shimmerz, she's making this up" line, you know? And the more the real you is known, the harder it is to sell that argument. What he did before was cut you off from the herd. Sometimes the herd is safer than you think.

 

[Ronin]

Two thoughts> What can they do they have not already (and that you have gotten through),

And: Maybe providing information can also mean protection (... you are not dropping back to existence just to abuse, you are giving the system a chance to take interest in you, possibly protect you, mind your whereabouts and the like.)

Paypal is ridiculously easy to cancel and open another one, too.
& You can always deny and not speak to with people you do not want to. Having your name does not make anyone have Shimmerz. Having Shimmerz does not make anyone have you the way you have yourself and think to yourself, etc etc. The space between you, fear, and the world.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I don't know how to break down the barrier shimmerz but I'm giving you all my mojo. What you are doing is really tough and you should be proud of yourself for getting to this point. You are a really amazing person.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Okay, so I am ready to put my foot to the petal. It is terrifying. I was literally stalked, home inv...

Same/similar issues here. I totally understand the constant fear, paranoia that it naturally creates, and the constant looking for signs of "is it going to happen again." I decided to go super secure for everything....decided recently I gotta move on, so prevention was the only think I could do like change passwords more frequently, accounts, etc. semi-regularly. I tell my neighbors no one should be at the house, or when I'm going away and to call the police if they see anyone other than the mail carrier. I can only hope this is enough protection-things have gotten better after a year. I'd just like to sell this place, retire, and move away to a totally new place where no one knows me, and change my name and social security number, passport, and everything so I don't rewind to times when I was followed, pictures taken of me, gas leak in the house, flat tires, coupled with abusive visits by my brother, when I was with my father. But finances say I can't right now. Good luck....you are brave....be confident....I'll send you some energy!

 

[Abstract]

Realise it may be hard or feel dangerous to say more Shimmerz but is he likely to do this at this point? If you use your cool non triggered mind. What percentage chance do you think? Looking at percentage chances usually helps me a bit. Hard when your brain is in super hypervigilance though. I also sometimes need to affirm my concerns before my brain will let me do anything more.

If it was in fact someone else and they just haven't found you I think I would consider moving further away. Sure you have looked at all the possibilities.

Well done for taking the next step! :)

 

[shimmerz]

but is he likely to do this at this point?

Not sure how I missed this posting. Thanks for this Abstract. It occurred to me when I read this that I think what complicates things is that I didn't expect it the first time either. As a matter of fact, it was slapping me in the face and I was putting it down to something else. So I think I don't have faith in myself that I am going to see it if it happens again. That seems significant to me.

I wonder if this whole thing would have been different if I had known what was happening at the time. And if I didn't catch it last time (and this is where it has gotten me) I know that I can't take that again. I am not close to strong enough yet. So I am hiding from the possibility of this happening again. Somehow that means the percentage is not relevant unless it is 0% because that is what I have left in me to fight with.

No idea if that makes sense to anyone else but me - but that is helpful, thank you.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I Totally get the “assess my own energy and level of motivation to deal with “drama” along with “is this how I want to be spending my time?” There have been times I felt I should have done something more than I did but didn’t have enough of me left for a fight. and was already sick of drama. I’m eliminating potential drama from my life, planning holidays with people who like holidays and expect them to go well, and traveling to only people whose family drama seems to stay in the normal range.

To prevent me from unintentionally having or creating my own drama, I have put many safety plans in place ( simple as using a pill bottle to insure I’m on top of meds to securing a security system or making sure car is tuned up and in working order or putting a little savings away for unexpected issues).

Avoid drama and Safety first!!

 

[Swift]

Hey. Did a similar thing myself.
I've changed my name socially but not legally and my cybersecurity is tighter than Fort Knox.
Also. . Security cameras.
My bastards are still around, are yours?
But - well done.
Mostly I think if they're going to so something, no amount of work on my part can stop them.
Wish you all the best.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I’m trying not to think like a fatalist.... that just feeds paranoia. Shxt will always happen , in everyone’s life, no one is exempt, and some of us are more privileged at being on the other end of shxt than others. So, minimizing it is a good goal.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @shimmerz - so congrats on getting your business plan moving and making plans.

I can really appreciate where you are coming from. Well done for working so hard to get to this point.:hug:
My suggestion's are:-
Can you name your business something that is not immediately identifiable to you? And.. can you afford to have a mobile phone only for business purposes that is not connected with your home address? Same goes for banking, bills and internet. Not sure if this helps or not but best of luck with the business and I am so pleased you are getting back on your feet in this respect.

b1