General Communicating about movies

[Never_falter2]

Sometimes my guy strongly identifies with a character in a movie... and tells me that having ptsd he just feels like that guy about a thing. Often this is not even a movie where one of the characters has ptsd, often the guy is a vet... but often this is just some kind of background info that TO ME doesn’t play a big role.

So my guy tells me he feels like a character in a movie... what should I do? If I ask him “why do you feel like this“ or what the guy feels like he cannot tell me.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It wouldn’t hurt to ask if he’s volunteering the information. Maybe he will be open to discussion. If not, maybe rewatch the movie alone and see if you can pick up on the character’s emotions and motivations.

 

[Ronin]

I would ask him what the character feels like, then.

In, get if he cannot talk about himself, but he can talk about the char, maybe?, as long as it doesnt direct come back to be about him / same shut off and distance needed.

You could also try all the other characters and interactions in the scene, in case it was something else about it getting him to relate. Or the scene as a whole, its settings.

 

[OrangeJulius]

I think it was your husband who identified with the Christopher Robin movie? I take it this happens with other movies too?

This has happened with my boyfriend and I was confused as well. I gave him specifics and was able to narrow it down. I started with stuff that I knew wasn't the case like "You feel like a stressed out dad of a teenage daughter?" and after a giggle and "no" he is either able to explain or he stays quiet. If he stays quiet then I go for an actual guess, "like you're drowning in responsibility and nobody is helping you?" And I will either get agreement or silence. If I get silence a second time I'll ask "want to say anymore than that?" And he'll either talk more or it's over.

 

[joeylittle]

So my guy tells me he feels like a character in a movie.

This is how most stories work - viewers identify with different characters. Instead of questioning him about it, you could try just talking about the character, and what the character did in the movie. Not as a way of 'decoding' your husbands identification with that character - and, not to try and have the same identification as your husband - but just as a way of talking about the story of the movie.

You could also contribute a character you identified with. Or, if you just want to keep it open ended, ask him what his favorite part of the story was. It might involve that character that he is identifying with - it might also be a different part entirely.

Generally speaking, people will notice if they have the same background or past set of experiences as a character does. But if they identified (connected) with that character, there will be something that the character did or experienced or expressed in the story that 'rang true' for the viewer (or reader).

I'm not sure if that is helpful, just wanted to share a different way of looking at it.

 

[Never_falter2]

I think it was your husband who identified with the Christopher Robin movie? I take it this happens with other movies too?

Yes, he strongly identifies with Christopher Robin and yes, it happens with other movies too. For example he identifies with Raleigh Becket from “Pacific Rim“, with Hercule Poirot (from that old-fashioned movies), with batman/Bruce Wayne, Spiderman... he actually typically is drunk when he talks about this... most unfortunately he only likes to discuss those kind of topic when he is drunk... but it is difficult to talk to him when he is drunk, because well, he is drunk.

He identifies with Anson from “The Englishman who went up a hill but came down a mountain“. He first hated it and didn’t want to watch it but later he wanted to watch it + has read the book several times. There is a character in the book/movie who has ptsd... not Anson by the way but Johnny shell shocked... so it is probably tough for him watching this... vet says Johnny most likely also has mtbi and that they weren’t really able to diagnose ptsd or mtbi those days or offer help with... and I think it made him sad... sad for all those who had mtbi in the past and were just written off as crazy... but however he doesn’t identify with Johnny.

I told him I really like Anson cause he is always that friendly and nice and likes to help like my vet.

Has anybody seen any of this movies?

“You feel like the stressed out Dad of a teenage daughter?“ Lol I must try that.

@joeylittle I sometimes do ask him which his favourite part of the story was but it doesn’t make me any smarter... because he tells me “Oh, this part“ and I still do not understand it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Never_falter2, I do this A LOT! What is easiest for me is to talk about the character as it's safer. This is how my therapy always ends up about movies and shows. We talk about the movie or the show, the character I identify with and the characters around that character. What we are actually talking about is me but a way to talk about me without talking about me, if that makes sense.

“Oh, this part“

"What about that part?"