Compiling A Timeline

[Brokensoul88]

I told my therapist I would do a timeline to briefly explain the events of the last 7 years but also to try & organise in my head when things happened. It can feel like such a blur sometimes. Well it took me all day Sunday after spending Friday pm to Saturday in bed with a migraine-it's the worst one I've ever had, I litteraly couldn't move in case I vomited. But I digress, so took me the whole of Sunday to write it stopping often to stop myself going over the edge almost. I looked at something I had written last year about something in 2009 & I had forgotten the event & just how heart wrenchingly painful it was. There ensued deep sobbing which basically put a dark cloud over the positive outlook I have been working hard on. It's not even the traumatic event that effected me so much-that was a year before. So now I'm thinking if that's what happened from that memory what will it do to me delving into the big problem? I wanted to write the timeline out neatly but I can't bear to look at it again. I'm supposed to give it to her tomorrow evening and I'm feeling quite........ deflated? I guess and apprehensive

 

[DogwoodTree]

My personal opinion...if you can't rewrite it, you just can't. Turn it in as-is. And pick your time for when you want to address each issue. You don't have to start with the "big problem."

 

[void]

I told my therapist I would do a timeline to briefly explain the events of the last 7 years but als...

You overwhelmed yourself. It's ok. We all do that.
Treat yourself with caring and compassion.
Just hand it in, it's time to soothe yourself a little.
You've been through a lot.
Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Brokensoul88]

Thank you both, I needed that. 30 mins early to my appointment so sat in the car watching the clock.

 

[void]

Thank you both, I needed that. 30 mins early to my appointment so sat in the car watching the clock...

How did your appt. go?:)

 

[Brokensoul88]

Appointment was very emotional I started to remember other memories that I have kept away from so I didn't retain any composure. I cried pretty much the whole 50 mins. It was so hard to get the words out, not because I couldn't arrange my thoughts (my usual reaction) but as soon as I knew what I needed to say the emotion attached to saying it out loud just made me sob even more. It wasn't the subject I am there for but she wanted me to talk about it as I reacted as soon as she asked the first question so she knew it needed to be addressed. Today I feel exhausted & very low, I keep getting the same memory running through my head & it's breaking my heart.

 

[void]

@Brokensoul88

Believe it or not but....the sobbing is a good thing.

Your body needs to have that pressure released...don't worry that you are not getting many words out, just let your body release it...be patient with the crying...you need it.:hug:

The way you feel after the appt. is normal....accept it...your energy will return once your body has had the time it needs.

You are doing very well...keep it up:)

Be kind to yourself....have a bath, eat some chocolate, put some lotion on your feet....self-soothing things...this helps the mind too.:happy:

 

[Friday]

Doing a clear, concise, well ordered timeline has actually been the single most difficult thing for me.

Spoiler: Extra prolly non-relevant schtuff

I can chunk it: military here, marriage there, etc. (7 years here, 11 years there), or even by geography (MesoAmerica, SouthAmerica, Balkans, Philippines, Florida), but actually listing out major events, much less individual events? Hello SUDS through the damn roof.

Slightly worse, the way my mind works is to group things not in chronological order, but by type. So betrayal, or times it was my fault someone died, or transitions, or going against my own morals, or, or, or. So I have all of these layers & groupings, none of which conform to time. Trying to force things linear? Puke. I mean that rather literally. My whole body rebels against it. Again, SUDS through the damn roof.

And yet? It feels important. The pieces I can bust out all linear fashion? Have less of a grip than they did before I kicked them into order. The hard ones still have their fangs in me, it's not like listing them made everything better, but it did seem to shift their grip a smidge. Which is f*cking awesome.

I've been working on it, as I can, for the better part of a year.

For me, at least, it's usually easier to just drop my chin & dive into any one event than to try and list all the suckers out. Sounds like you did well on Sunday. Very, very well :)

 

[Ronin]

I tend to say time travel was probably involved and leave it at that, usually. Fairly close to how I remember things: linked by similar theme? Linked by geography? Linked by all the stuff I had for plans that went awry / plans that went right but shouldn't have gone that way? Linked by my thoughts on the topic? Check, that works.

Putting it down by years or events, let alone listing it up which detail belongs to which event? Pheww. Not doable often, and in times I can do it easily, not good for my health to dig around it at that very moment. (I'm usually recalling things clearly when I'm physically bad off. They get more blurred and in the background when I'm well-ish, as current and future take precedence.)

So kudos on doing this work at all, and having spoons for it. Admirations. :D

 

[Brokensoul88]

last week was a bad week to start unloading, so much going wrong with my house, plus job interview coming Wednesday I don't have time to prep for. I have lost all confidence in my ability to get the job, plus I really need it for money, as it's a job on promotion in my team it's the only shot I will get in being around my amazing team at a higher grade. If I don't get it I am stuck at my grade because I couldn't live without the support in my team. I wouldn't survive anywhere else. Spent the last 4 hours crying about everything. Now I can't sleep. It's 12:40am here & ive taken a diazepam & sleeping tablet, haven't done that in at least 6 months I think. Just can't hack it, too many things I don't have control over & my foster kittens have been adopted whilst someone looked after them (so didn't get to say goodbye) during the construction of heating system in the bomb site my house now is complete with a leak in my bedroom from a new radiator. Feeling very low

 

[Ronin]

Hey @Brokensoul88, it sounds you're already thinking what can go wrong with the interview - use that :D Think of what can go wrong, and prepare responses for that.
This or that question you don't like / feel you can't answer at all / can't even expect being able to deal with it? Desensitize against it ahead of time, play with it in your head for a bit.
It doesn't sound you're able to think of the good chances regarding that job - but you can use the anxiety for planning.

 

[strangelings]

you ARE doing really good. i haven't done a timeline since i was at a trauma program ummm, ten years ago.

but i am meaning? or have been meaning, something- to work on a "backwards" timeline- going back year by year from last year through when we got into good therapy in 2003. and then go from there again. maybe back to when we left home at seventeen. somehow that's easier- breaking it down into years like that, and my new therapist said that would be helpful- she'd get to see how hard things had been for a while. dunno if that would help but...

there's no one way to do this.