Complex Trauma From Parents

[Crl1983]

Well, I don't want to trigger anyone so if you're in a mood where you are going to be easily triggered read no more of my post.

Last January he killed my little sister and then himself. So obviously he did not mellow out, although he sure wore a good enough mask to convince many people otherwise. You are right Scott, sometimes they just get better and better at manipulating everyone around them.There is a long history of a lot of abuse in my family and it's a long story. I don't feel I am ready to say more yet, this is hard enough right now. I feel nervous and sick to my stomach even with just what I spilled.

 

[Sethe]

This! LawPhotos, I think you have a point.

I have gone through years of healing and I think I am stronger for it. Maybe my perspective has changed more than the people who used to be in my life?

 

[freakofnurture]

My f*ther got cancer and then a t for reasons I have yet to translate into human logic. He mellowed in that he said he was sorry for treating me badly and then mostly trying to behave as if he actually liked me. He still doesn't see how what he did was so bad, and he refuses to really take responsibility by saying that his sh*t was my cosmic challenge during this life.

I hate his guts.

 

[scott_1971_h]

I am curious how was therapist able to hone in on repressed memories of your childhood?

Actually that would be pretty easy. Many of my memories are not 'classically repressed', ie not repressed to the point of complete unawareness, they just aren't conscious until... some therapist asks a question "What happened in the ER?" or something like that. Umm after all, I was there because the old bag hurled me 10 feet and broke my leg. I STILL wonder how I wasn't yanked out of that house and put somewhere else. She must have *HATED* me lol.
Scott

 

[angel2write]

One of mine has mellowed, one hasn't. I think the difference may be that my mom has an actual personality disorder (pretty sure it's paranoid personality disorder- she fits the diagnosis SO WELL she could be their poster child. Though that's just me self-diagnosising again, because the woman is never going to see a mental health professional to be properly diagnosed.) So over time, she's gotten worse, though distance and my own independence keeps her from doing as much harm.

My father has mellowed somewhat. Only somewhat. He was easier on my brothers and sisters in their later years living at home. I was the oldest and took the brunt of his temper through the years. At the same time, he kept enough venom to seriously damage my youngest brother with terrible verbal abuse, though he got less physical as he aged. He still tries to throw my mom around. Age 63, dying of cancer, and he's still trying to physically dominate people in his rages. Sad.

I agree with Anthony- people who are able to recognize that there's something wrong with them, feel regret or an impulse to change, and then make an effort are able to change. (Otherwise, why are we bothering with this site?) The problem with most of the parents discussed on this site is they neither acknowledge that they did anything wrong or regret their actions. They are abusive, irrational, defensive, paranoid, self-centered, and furious their whole lives. The only thing that changes as they age is they can't run as fast so they can't catch us! My dad doesn't try to chase me any more because he's freaking crippled, but he still tries to manipulate me emotionally.

 

[yellowfields22]

That sounds confusing and hard. I don't know if my mother has mellowed.... I had to stop speaking to her, and have cut ties with all of my family a few years ago. I think she has mellowed, but continues to not live in reality.

 

[just me here]

just me here,

I am curious how was therapist able to hone in on repressed memories of your childhood?


nj

she asked me to remember the first time I had different thoughts that are a part of my diagnosis and to concentrate on details and conversations and specific instances. Some of the earliest sessions were kind of benign, but after I got used to the "mechanics" of playing out those old repressed memories and finding dead ends and things that werent as bad as I had made them out to be, I started working on more and more disturbing times and found some real damaging stuff that I now wish I hadn't so eagerly pulled out and wish I could put back.

 

[Nighthawk]

My mother was, has and still is abusive to the tenth degree.

 

[scott_1971_h]

My mother was, has and still is abusive to the tenth degree.

Sure sounds like someone on the more malignant end of N/AsPD. Yeti got better at it with age too. It's rough growing up with these characters, isn't it?!
Scott

 

[scott_1971_h]

Yes she's empathetic but only when she has prey in her sights. Not hypervigilant. Only when it suits her.
Scott

 

[Mercy]

... In fact, they [captor/abusers] enjoy it. They may show some kindness in order to make you believe they're not too bad after all. In extreme case people around the abuser may develop stockholm syndrome (as my mother did) in which a minor act of kindness by the abuser positions the abuser as the victim's savior. In these traumatic, life-threatening circumstances, the victim views the slightest act of kindness or the sudden absence of violence, as a sign of friendship in an otherwise a hostile, terrifying world. The victim clings to it desperately. The abuser slowly seems less threatening - more an instrument of protection and survival than of harm. ... To survive psychologically as well as physically, and to lessen the unimaginable stress of the situation, the victim begins to truly believe that the abuser is her friend...

You have helped me the Stockholm syndrome much better. Thanks, My mother was hospitalized every time she tried to kill me. She was bi-polar with her mania extremely violent.

Now, I understand why I always took my mother back when she can home as if nothing had happened and hoped for the best. Either that or I switched alters at that point. I don't know which for sure but it feels like the first one.

A survival with no true life, stable relationship or mood or personality and you have to deal again with all memories of this f**n,sick experience.It's shit cleaning job.

It never ends. Hopelessness is so hard to fight against.
[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/javascript:;"] :confused:[/DLMURL]

 

[AzureMind]

My father and I are "functioning" ya know, the "Hi Azure, Bye Azure" way....he tries to ask me how I am, and says "I'm concerned" but doesn't realize that I feel NOTHING for him, and ONLY want to get far, FAR AWAY FROM HIM....he could relapse at ANY MOMENT also, and that makes me feel uneasy to return home....the guy won't EVER learn.....he's still the "arch enemy" he's ALWAYS been to me...he doesn't know that when he yells I feel like a 4 year old....he doesn't know that when he drinks I feel like I'm on the floor, he doesn't know that I can't look him in the eye because I hate him, and how he emotionally tormented me for years.....he doesn't know that I created a "person" to slip into that deals with him.....a person that wants DEEPLY to rip him to shreds, and take OUR lives back......I don't even want to talk, look at, hear him during the day.....I'm afraid, and VERY angry/contemptuous of most men(VERRY deep problems/complications here)....and I look VERY much like my father....I won't even go into how THAT makes me feel....

My mother and I have always been "civil" to each other, but she doesn't give a rats ass about me: I think the way she treated me was passive, but MUCH worse because she'd IGNORE my existence save for when it was time for supper.....bitch.....she cares about her new furniture for the house she's getting, but couldn't be bothered with the idea that her child is falling apart before her very eyes, that is IF she could even see ME falling apart before her very eyes....lol

I don't remember the last time the COW asked "how was my day?" and listened to me for 5 MINUTES WITHOUT the burning urge to shove HER day, and problems down MY THROAT...ugh....I've thought about setting her beautiful house ablaze and watch her life/dreams sink into the fire as I laugh my DID'd head off....but only a laugh per person.....that makes it FAIR!! lol

My parents are really just big kids, and aren't capable of the maturity needed to give wisdom and life advice....they don't know how to see beyond what they go through daily to pass hope onto their children....I know they aren't capable but damn if I can't be pissed every now and again!! :)

I swear, I feel like my life's a damned musical, and I'm fighting to get to the part where the hero gets away, falls in love, and has a happily EVER AFTER!! :whistling: