Compliments: Giving & Accepting Along With Other Odd Conversation Habits.

[Sideways]

Tactical compliments are a common tool in people management. If someone in the team needs a kick in the pants, you get trained to give rhem a compliment, give them the 'constructive criticism', then seal the deal with another compliment.

True story. You're not always imagining it when you think you're getting a 'strategic compliment' ;)

 

[UnKnown-Self]

The posts are all excellent and give me lots to think about. Perhaps when people stop responding to my compliments it's because they think I want something from them, which I don't.
The compliments I have the most trouble with are those connected with how I look. It makes me feel very self concious. Sometimes they make me feel unsafe. When I was eating healthy and riding my bike and getting other exercise on a regular basis, 3-4 months in I started getting compliments. I knew I was looking better but mostly I was feeling better. A couple months later I started getting scared. Scared my body and looks would get me in trouble and the binge junk food eating started again. Now I was past 50 at the time so you would think it wouldn't bother me as much but it does.
I wish people wouldn't say anything it's too triggering.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Alice, I used to demean myself when I recieved a compliment, but with practice after I realized that compliments most of the time are a gift from the person, and I want to thank them now and appreciate the gift.

It can be overcome. I give a lot of compliments and am making friends whereever I go now because I show care for people in the service and regular people and friends.

I no longer feel bad in taking a compliment. It took a long time for me to be this way, but I want to give you hope that it does get better as you begin to learn to self nurture yourself.

 

[Ronin]

I guess there is not much in my life or about me that is worth acknowledging.

The contrary, Sheila.
You're astounding & people don't quite know what to say, or how to say that.

 

[Weemie]

Complimenting people is an anxiety-relieving mechanism for me.

 

[Ronin]

Complimenting people is .. for me.

Exercise in seeing the good in the world, and in people, and multiplying that good, for me.
(Love hearing the meanings for others.)

 

[Weemie]

The degree to which I consistently apologize, compliment and cater to others is more than likely coming from an unhealthy place. It is a soothing mechanism for me. Being able to compliment others reassures me that I am putting myself in a position of favor with them. I am honestly not sure if I mean any of the things I say, only that it makes me feel better to do so. Being seen as nice and polite and professional is compulsive for me.

 

[ladee]

@lightraze , I know what you mean. For me it is
'getting out of myself' just for awhile, it helps others and gives me a break from myself. Makes perfect sense what you shared !! Thanks

 

[ladee]

@lightraze, still, it's good practice!! It is positive words... I am not much of a 'people pleaser' so don't relate to that part..but understand that need to belong.
Another thing that irritates me, is when someone is setting you up to compliment them, whether you want to or not.. Like telling you how f'n wonderful they are ect !! I usually say nothing...me being a hypocrite bothers me even more !!! Again, it is the tone of their voice... don't know how to explain that.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@lightraze
Yes I think that is what it is for me. Being seen as nice is very important and while I don't conciously do it, maybe I do look for nice things to say.

 

[Ellabella44]

I can give compliments, say to someone I do not know and need something to like about them so I can start a conversation about well maybe what I would like to order for dinner at a restaurant. I feel the need to somehow acknowledge someone doing a service for me such as a waitress as a human being by complimenting a tattoo or bracelet that they wouldnt have unless it was important to them.
They light up and seem happy that someone liked what I complimented and I hope it somehow brightens their day. And I wish I could do that as well. For now, I will settle for attempting to break the ice and make someone elses day. I guess in hope that someday I learn how to feel and accept them.

taking them im still working on. My sister in law tried to "train" me by giving me compliments and repeating "say thank you" when I would start to deflect. I know she meant well and honestly wanted me to acknowledge that I am worth complimenting.

I can take them from my daughter. We shopped in a goodwill type of store here and I ended up having a laugh and gesture conversation with a mother and daughter that seemed to only speak spanish (which I do not know) she told me she was proud of me that I made friends with someone while she tried on a few things.

it seems anyone else though I have to stop myself from deflecting. My T pointed out to me how automatic my deflection response is with a game using a cliipboard and a balloon. the balloon being a compliment coming towards me and the clipboard my means of deflecting. I know it sounds weird, but I saw how quick I am to reject a compliment. I dont really trust that the person giving me one is sincere. I dont want to take credit for something I do or wear etc.

I always jump in with (for clothes for example) "well my daughter helped me pick this out and said it looks good on me."