brokenpony
Gold Member
ever since i started doing trauma work in therapy i have been panicked almost constantly, always in flight response. i had constant anxiety and dread before this, both of which caused me many problems, but it's not even close to that anymore. now it's intense and relentless dread that i can't even attribute to any specific worry. it's as if i just carry dread in my body, as if it is part of me.
recently it has gotten very bad. i often startle at sounds, but any sound at all from my neighbors upstairs or in the stairwell of my building has been causing a spike in panic symptoms; even though i am not startled by them, i am agitated by them and this makes everything worse. i have slept only about 4-5 hours a night for about the past three months so that might be part of it. part of the reason for this is that late at night (like right now) i get what i can only describe as an adrenaline rush and am especially sensitive/hypervigilant.
but i am wondering if someone can explain these sensations i have been having, which i am attributing to adrenaline from the anxiety, but are somewhat disturbing me. i feel like i am at the onset of a hallucinatory stimulant. if you have taken LSD it feels a little like the onset of that, when it starts to work but before you really start tripping. or maybe if you have taken adderall or sudafed. some sensations:
--i have pronounced hand tremors and i feel a trembling throughout my whole body, like electricity (all day today)
--ears ringing (a few times today)
--everything looks strange around me, a little too vivid maybe, as if i have gone up a glasses prescription
--i feel like tiny mites are crawling on my skin (most of today)
--i see things out of the corner of my eye (not all the time but it has happened today and yesterday)
--if i am trying to sleep in this condition i sometimes hear very faint voices or something like that, but when i concentrate to see if it is someone outside or a neighbor's tv, i do not hear anything
--if i am trying to sleep in this condition i might see very random strange and sometimes terrifying images when i close my eyes
--at times i feel like something is in my mouth or have other phantom sensations
--a strange (constant, all day) feeling in my throat that is a bit like someone is pressing on it slightly, as if my gag reflex is just about to be triggered but is not. sometimes that feeling grows more pronounced and moves up into the mouth and i feel like i either might vomit or cry, i can't tell which. it's like that feeling you get in your face the second before either crying or vomiting happens. (but no nausea, just that.)
i cannot quite describe the feeling in my throat because it is not feeling like a closing/choking sensation or a "lump." i know the lump in the throat is common with anxiety but it is almost the opposite feeling. it feels like my throat is actually clearer than normal, which is kind of like the feeling you get on a stimulant, which is why i mentioned it. it's like a slight scratching or pressing--and then the feeling like something is swelling and rising at the bottom of it and wants to come up but can't.
sometimes if i can't sleep i take half a klonopin to ensure that i at least make it 5 hours. but none of the mindfulness or grounding stuff i have learned so far helps me when i am in this state. i am just pushing through this and trying my best to keep my feet on the ground but any insight into these specific sensations and/or tips are welcome.
recently it has gotten very bad. i often startle at sounds, but any sound at all from my neighbors upstairs or in the stairwell of my building has been causing a spike in panic symptoms; even though i am not startled by them, i am agitated by them and this makes everything worse. i have slept only about 4-5 hours a night for about the past three months so that might be part of it. part of the reason for this is that late at night (like right now) i get what i can only describe as an adrenaline rush and am especially sensitive/hypervigilant.
but i am wondering if someone can explain these sensations i have been having, which i am attributing to adrenaline from the anxiety, but are somewhat disturbing me. i feel like i am at the onset of a hallucinatory stimulant. if you have taken LSD it feels a little like the onset of that, when it starts to work but before you really start tripping. or maybe if you have taken adderall or sudafed. some sensations:
--i have pronounced hand tremors and i feel a trembling throughout my whole body, like electricity (all day today)
--ears ringing (a few times today)
--everything looks strange around me, a little too vivid maybe, as if i have gone up a glasses prescription
--i feel like tiny mites are crawling on my skin (most of today)
--i see things out of the corner of my eye (not all the time but it has happened today and yesterday)
--if i am trying to sleep in this condition i sometimes hear very faint voices or something like that, but when i concentrate to see if it is someone outside or a neighbor's tv, i do not hear anything
--if i am trying to sleep in this condition i might see very random strange and sometimes terrifying images when i close my eyes
--at times i feel like something is in my mouth or have other phantom sensations
--a strange (constant, all day) feeling in my throat that is a bit like someone is pressing on it slightly, as if my gag reflex is just about to be triggered but is not. sometimes that feeling grows more pronounced and moves up into the mouth and i feel like i either might vomit or cry, i can't tell which. it's like that feeling you get in your face the second before either crying or vomiting happens. (but no nausea, just that.)
i cannot quite describe the feeling in my throat because it is not feeling like a closing/choking sensation or a "lump." i know the lump in the throat is common with anxiety but it is almost the opposite feeling. it feels like my throat is actually clearer than normal, which is kind of like the feeling you get on a stimulant, which is why i mentioned it. it's like a slight scratching or pressing--and then the feeling like something is swelling and rising at the bottom of it and wants to come up but can't.
sometimes if i can't sleep i take half a klonopin to ensure that i at least make it 5 hours. but none of the mindfulness or grounding stuff i have learned so far helps me when i am in this state. i am just pushing through this and trying my best to keep my feet on the ground but any insight into these specific sensations and/or tips are welcome.
