Confused By Supporter's (h's) Inconsistencies: Is It Deception?

[Powder]

Caregiver fatigue is a real thing. I can see it happening and remember what it was like when roles were more reversed. You don't even remember how to get out.

Bloomin, you're right. It takes effort to start scheduling fun back into life. It's hard! We tried today, and the nap schedule backfired. You know how it goes. I am trying not to let it get me down. Then we went home and watched S1 E2 of "This Emotional Life" and it talked about Anger/Fear/PTSD. I felt it was too much after an hour long drive with a screaming two year old crying "Mommy! I'm stuck" (she wanted out of the car seat and didn't understand why I couldn't just let her out). I was crying in the car after a while. It just got to me. I had physical, acute pain each time she started up again. My ezcema on my foot, my stomach and my head. All the things that have played up just fired away each scream.

Finally, I just cried. My body felt better, and I felt better after letting it all out. Then cried again during the show and shut it off. They were showing Vets doing Prolonged Exposure Therapy. I found it to be hard to watch. But I saw that it worked for the vet (and he had 30 years of nightmares and severe PTSD in which he finally couldn't leave his house at all) so there was a hopeful message to the documentary. Just couldn't do anymore today with this stuff. Just too much.

Thank you all for posting. I am so grateful for each and every one of you. (((HUGS!)))

 

[Powder]

Bloomin, don't worry one minute about your posts on sociopathic behavior. I agree with you that people are not aware of how common it is. Yes, now the professionals see it as paired up with other issues, such as those three listed by Anthony above. I also read online, and maybe this is not accurate, but I tend to agree, that those who harm others over time or with little remorse are sociopaths; therefore, all active pedophiles are sociopathic. I don't know if that is correct. But everything I have observed with my Dad makes me think that.

And I think Anthony's summary is right, too, that it stems from a severely damaged self beginning in childhood, in which the destructive behavior shows itself. My Dad was vandalizing people's yards with two buddies. They destroyed the yard of a girl from school with motorcycles and changed their family wooden sign, changing "Riggs" to "Pigs." They threw a fake man out in front of cars at night to terrify people. He liked to see the fear on people's face when they got out of their car, looking for the body they thought they had hit (my Dad pulled it back with rope). Finally, someone got mad and fired shots at the bushes where they hid. This seemed to make my Dad thrilled. He didn't do it again, but when he told that part, his eyes lit up. There were other stories of rocks in snowballs through car windscreens, and other stories of his younger years. These are what he feels comfortable sharing. There are stories he won't allow his mother to tell. I haven't been told those. So I know he exhibited destructive behaviors from a young age, that he was abused by uncles, father, and older brother, who also delighted in seeing my father beaten. Uncle would bang the wall and delight at seeing his baby brother beaten up by my grandfather for it. This is all very sad, because it created a Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde personality. Just because someone maintains a profession and false image, doesn't mean they are not sociopathic. It's mostly low IU sociopaths who end up in prison. The intelligent ones are good at not being caught.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((Muse)))))

Our dads were eerily similar. :(

 

[mamachick]

The bottom line with sociopaths is-the have no conscience. They feel no empathy, not guilt, and no remorse for their actions and pain they cause others. The only remorse they ever show is really about and for themselves when they are caught. They learn at a young age and practice showing appropriate feelings and responses (some of them). Those are the ones that are usually charming and social. They read people very well and can accomodate the others needs and wants with their own personal gain in mind.

Back to your original post muse. I think it can be very hard to decide if someone is deliberately deceptive. Your gut feeling can sometimes be the best indicator. My ex husband for example is definately not a sociapath. He worked and earned our family income, and I did everything else. When it came to parenting, because I knew I came from dysfunction, I read everything I could and took many psych courses on children and development-etc. Therefore, you could say that I was kind of in control of parenting issues. (activities, nutrition, education, homework, chores, etc.)

I shared a lot of what I believed with him and would be excited about things-I was always enthusiastic. He would mostly agree. An example of his passive aggressiveness-one Easter following dinner, some of women went for walk. My mother in law thought we had left but we were gathered on front porch, when friend told me to look in the window. My mother in law was opening cokes for kids in living room, while husband sat in his recliner. (I didnt let kids have pop in living room). I was not upset about it, but it was enlightening and validated what I thought. There was a theme that he was a pushover with the attitude "dont tell your mother".

One of our daughters had a learning disability but we had trouble getting it diagnosed. I went to night school when she was in 4th grade and he took over homework. The older daughter would tell me that dad did the younger daughters homework. He denied it. He would work relentlessly preparing her for tests. Therefore, she did relatively well in school, but it got much harder the older she got.

Jobs such as putting laundry away or loading the dishwasher, feeding the dog or taking trash out, I had given to them. In my absence, he did them all.

I felt the deception, and he would avoid and lie if confronted. He did not like confrontation. He would do for others, just as his mother did for him, creating a dependence. I know that he thought it was easier to do it than to tell kids to do things. He liked being the "good dad", and never having anyone mad at him. He did not lie to hurt people. He lied to protect himself from having any negative emotion or conflict in the house.

We eventually seperated. His emotions were always very flat or monotone. When you avoid conflicts to this degree, you also miss out on extreme joyful moments. He grew up in a dysfunctional family, but would never acknowledge it. His father was an angry man and his mother was very intrusive. I believe that for him, avoiding and protecting his boundaries was a matter of survival. You cant ever really be intimate with someone that wont share their thoughts or feelings. When he does share a thought now, he is rigid in his thought and unwilling to look at other views.

Sorry this is so long. I just think people lie for different reasons. It can be to string someone along, it can be avoiding what they fear. Either way, it is hurtful when we discover that this person is not being truthful. I dont know if others with ptsd have a big problem with lying, but telling me a lie is about the worst thing you can do to me. I am angered and hurt to a crushing point about being lied to. The truth, no matter how bad, is always better for me.