E
Egedow
Hello all this is my first time reaching out to anyone, so not sure how to start. So with that I guess I will give some back ground to the underlying issue.
I have been out of the Armed Forces now for little over two years now. I did not have any combat related issues while I had my deployments. I did have some marital issues with the last deployment that lead to me sent home early were I could say when the issues started.
Once I got sent home and then eventually got out, I was and still am having issues with feelings of guilt for having to leave that have weighed heavily on me since. The since of letting my friends and other down getting to come home while everyone else had to stay has bothered me a lot.
With that comes the other side of it, I got out right before my next deployment. Although I was already out I was informed couple month later that my old Convey Commander who was also my Squad leader (e-6 type) and another close friend got killed in action. This again brought on more issues with the feeling of abandonment on my part. With that came feeling of what if I was there or what could I have done to prevent the issue from happing.
As for having these feelings it seems now every year I have a big blow up were I lose all control. I say this because it happened again last night. I bring this up because this time instead of acting out on my self, I hurt someone close to me. I don't want to go into detail of how and an what happen. but it put me in a place I never want to be in again. Along with that after snapping too realizing what was going on, I lost more control and I guess you could say banged my head repeatedly against a wall to the point of what the doctor called induced seizure.
My point for writing this is I am not sure how to get help. I did try the va and had appointments but kept getting rescheduled on. I tried calling couple help lines were I was told someone would call back and that is yet to happen. I do have another job now and waiting for insurance cards. I guess my main question is were to go to get help and how to I tell my side like I am doing now. I have a lot of anxiety issues that make me freak out and shut down while I try to tell people my issues. I hoped I could come here not have anyone stair at me and I could speak my mind with out the feeling of being watched or criticized for the issues I am having.
I am not sure if this falls under ptsd or depression or both. really like someone to take me serious and try to give me some pointers on how to get help as I heard is the hardest part which I am now seeing to be true. Thank your for listening to my brief story although I cannot include every detail and other under lying issues I feel this is were I need to start.
I have been out of the Armed Forces now for little over two years now. I did not have any combat related issues while I had my deployments. I did have some marital issues with the last deployment that lead to me sent home early were I could say when the issues started.
Once I got sent home and then eventually got out, I was and still am having issues with feelings of guilt for having to leave that have weighed heavily on me since. The since of letting my friends and other down getting to come home while everyone else had to stay has bothered me a lot.
With that comes the other side of it, I got out right before my next deployment. Although I was already out I was informed couple month later that my old Convey Commander who was also my Squad leader (e-6 type) and another close friend got killed in action. This again brought on more issues with the feeling of abandonment on my part. With that came feeling of what if I was there or what could I have done to prevent the issue from happing.
As for having these feelings it seems now every year I have a big blow up were I lose all control. I say this because it happened again last night. I bring this up because this time instead of acting out on my self, I hurt someone close to me. I don't want to go into detail of how and an what happen. but it put me in a place I never want to be in again. Along with that after snapping too realizing what was going on, I lost more control and I guess you could say banged my head repeatedly against a wall to the point of what the doctor called induced seizure.
My point for writing this is I am not sure how to get help. I did try the va and had appointments but kept getting rescheduled on. I tried calling couple help lines were I was told someone would call back and that is yet to happen. I do have another job now and waiting for insurance cards. I guess my main question is were to go to get help and how to I tell my side like I am doing now. I have a lot of anxiety issues that make me freak out and shut down while I try to tell people my issues. I hoped I could come here not have anyone stair at me and I could speak my mind with out the feeling of being watched or criticized for the issues I am having.
I am not sure if this falls under ptsd or depression or both. really like someone to take me serious and try to give me some pointers on how to get help as I heard is the hardest part which I am now seeing to be true. Thank your for listening to my brief story although I cannot include every detail and other under lying issues I feel this is were I need to start.
