Constant anxiety

[whiteraven]

I've had issues with anxiety before, but I think this is probably the worst it's ever been.

I think anxiety, generally, is all caught up in security - or a lack of it - and that definitely fits here. I have lost and continue to worry about the loss of a sense of a security and safety in a number of different areas - personal/physical space, emotions, finances, job, family, friends, memory, trust,...I could to on. And with every passing day, something else happens to contribute to that worry - my cat gets sick and I fear losing her; my car breaks down and the dealer tells me I have to have the engine replaced for $3500, so that leads to immense worry about a number of things (along with suspicion and lack of trust, given the way I was treated and some of the things he said); I dare suggest something at work or stand up for myself and spend days or weeks nauseated every time I even think about that place.

I wake up afraid to get out of bed in the morning. Afraid something will be broken or leaking, afraid the electric will be off, afraid a cat will be sick, afraid someone will have died. I am afraid to leave my home after I've managed to make it through the morning, afraid the cats will get sick while I'm out, afraid there will be a fire, afraid my car will break down, afraid today will be THE day at work and I'll have to walk out in humiliation.

So much is tied in with finances, or lack thereof. Nothing I can do anything about, which leaves me feeling trapped.

It's been like this for months. Maybe longer. Anxiety on top of depression. Constant tears.

Talked to the therapist today and left in tears. He acknowledged the feelings, but not the intensity and the immediacy with which I feel everything. It feels like this is and has been and will continue to be neverending. I simply can't continue to keep doing this, and I get the sense that he thinks I have forever.

 

[Heather]

@whiteraven I wish I had some advice. I definitely can relate.

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@whiteraven I think that many of us have anxiety over the normal everyday crap that comes up in life. My only concern with you, is that it sounds like you've allowed the anxiety to overtake to the point of being almost parinoid. We can't control what is going to happen and basically we can't stop it either. Let's just say this.... If you stayed home and your cat got sick you'd take it to the vet. If you went out and came home, found your cat sick, then you'd take it to the vet. In either situation, the outcome is the same.. a vet bill, so nothing has changed. Worrying about what might or might not happen isn't healthy. We can't stop life from happening, we deal with it as it happens....

 

[Teamwork]

The only way I've been able to get and keep a bit of order around anxiety is to be in the now. The best wording I heard recently was to return to the breathe because the breathe is the only thing we have that is new each moment that we focus on it, so that's how we know we are present in the moment. This helps because it stops me from forecasting the future, or reminiscing in unhelpful ways about the past. It does matter what people say and do but once they say and do it we have to find ways to let it go. The other thing I've read recently was about planning for future problems so that when they come up everything is in place to proceed. In some ways someone already alluded to this by saying if the cat gets sick it goes to the vet no matter where or when it occurs. The vehicle bill could also be changed if you decide you really don't trust this estimate and get another one. Control what you can.

 

[whiteraven]

The only way I've been able to get and keep a bit of order around anxiety is to be in the now. The best w...

I have trained extensively in mindfulness. I'm currently working in mindfulness training. My therapist is an expert and trainer in mindfulness. So I hear you here. But I am having an enormously difficult time doing this. I mean, I manage once I'm home so that I'm not a pile of goo like all weekend and I manage at work (well, most of the time - I have some issues there). I do all of that practicing mindfulness. But if I have to be around people for long or if I'm triggered or...I don't know. I just spend every bit of energy I have *breathing* and none living.

 

[whiteraven]

@whiteraven I think that many of us have anxiety over the normal everyday crap that...

I get all that. That is logical. Unfortunately, logic is just not working with me right now. I mean how do you change the way you react when your feelings are so incredibly strong and overwhelming?

 

[Deleted member 541]

Coping skills. Redirecting the thoughts. DBT therapy. Talking yourself down from the anxiety. Small steps for big problems and working at it constantly.

I developed agoraphobia at one time. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to leave my home everyday as I had no other choice. There were times it was so bad that I'd either shit or puke from the anxiety. But, again, I had to leave. I was actually crawling backwards down my stairs everyday to leave, but I did it everyday. Every weekend, I would pack a bag, and drive 26 miles to stay for the weekend with my best friend. I get there, have a coffee and the panic would start. I'd leave, but I did this every weekend and I would stay longer and longer till eventually I'd get to stay the weekend.

Logic DOES work over emotions. You just have to stay consistent and keep doing it, even if it feels like shit....