Corona craziness + PTSD + anxiety = ???

[Smile]

Reaching out for some help. I’m in New York City... the hot zone. I know over THIRTY people who have died from this. Funerals are driving by my house...2-4 per day. Every so often we get 1 day of relief. But the fear of who’s next???

plus, I’m currently living with my mom who’s elderly and a heart patient. I smoke so every time I come I. I scour myself but still... so scared of bringing it into the house.

I have no T at the moment. The city is offering a free mental health hotline which I called... TOTALLY USELESS.

Siblings contacting me to find out how she’s doing or berate me on something I did, should have done etc.

The pressure!!!

Hope your all safe & healthy

 

[Rainman8772]

Family is just upset they are not there. As for you good luck in the hot zone. My county is the size of the state of Rhode Island with 48 total cases and 1 death and they have us locked down.

 

[Deanna]

Good luck in the hot zone. This whole thing can be cleared up by a small vaccine but none of us knew it. I just wish it wouldn't take another 6/7 months. Hopefully, they can speed it up. Stay safe! We have twenty something deaths ( I know, nothing like yours) but we wouldn't even have that much.. But when someone crosses the state line, it adds to the states count. Sitting here with you :hug: Be glad u don't have it today. I try to exercise. What are you doing to stay busy?

 

[Smile]

Good luck in the hot zone. This whole thing can be cleared up by a small vaccine but none of us knew it. I just wish it wouldn't take another 6/7 months. Hopefully, they can speed it up. Stay safe! We have twenty something deaths ( I know, nothing like yours) but we wouldn't even have that much.. But when someone crosses the state line, it adds to the states count. Sitting here with you :hug: Be glad u don't have it today. I try to exercise. What are you doing to stay busy?

so sorry about your deaths ?. Even 1 is horrible. What am I doing to stay busy? Haha! Worrying, constantly checking for deaths, hoping I won’t find any.
I’m thinking of buying a miniature house (or something) kit on Amazon but I can’t make up my mind. I have what I call “corona brain”... can’t focus on anything

 

[Deanna]

Ah, I'm sorry you're scared. Those are high numbers in New York, but you still have to take care of you. Remember, to focus on yourself and your needs. Buy the little house on Amazon. You're not dead!

 

[Ronin]

Hey,

Glad you are hanging in there Smile, continue to reach out and take care of your Mom well.

I get your siblings' words can hurt a lot, but they are not where you are, doing what you do daily. As such their opinion is just it. Noise from a far. Not a reflection of you, or a proof you are doing wrong.

What do you need most now to feel better, d'ya know?

Keep up the good work, keep strong & health well wishes to you and yours.

 

[Smile]

Hey,

Glad you are hanging in there Smile, continue to reach out and take care of your Mom well.

I get your siblings' words can hurt a lot, but they are not where you are, doing what you do daily. As such their opinion is just it. Noise from a far. Not a reflection of you, or a proof you are doing wrong.

What do you need most now to feel better, d'ya know?

Keep up the good work, keep strong & health well wishes to you and yours.

That’s a good question... I wish I knew what would make me feel better... aside from socializing which is totally out of the question :(

 

[Ronin]

So what of feel good socializing can be done online? :)

Or any new people you'd like to talk with?

 

[Smile]

I feel like I’m slowly (quickly??) going crazy. My mom, who I don’t have a great relationship with to begin with has been trying on my nerves. Last night, for the first time in my life, I called my mother a bitch. Not to her of course. Let me explain...

Like I said, people in my community are dying every day. Today there are 5 funerals. A few days ago a friend died. He was only 46. It hit me harder than others because he had a larger than life personality and it’s just unimaginable that I’ll never see him, hear him crack a joke again.

I tried to keep my feelings from my mother because as a heart patient, we need to be ever vigilant to not cause her undue stress.

Last night there was a zoom memorial for him and I told my mother (after using her car to do errands for her) that I would be sitting in her car for the memorial... just to have some privacy & she said ok.

A little later, she sends me this text: “ I am beginning to get a bit resentful that’s my car my car is being used against me. I don’t expect you to sit in the house with me all day but because you can sit in my car you are almost never here.I hate to sound harsh but ___ (my friend) is dead, unfortunately there is nothing any of us can do about that, but I am still alive”.

I couldn’t and still can’t get over that she used my recently deceased friend to drive home her message. It hurt me so badly. Just felt so harsh.

I know that she’s not doing great mentally either but I don’t know how much more of her pain I can shoulder.

Am I being selfish? Childish? Some clarity (or empathy ) please!

 

[Smile]

So what of feel good socializing can be done online? :)

Or any new people you'd like to talk with?

I don’t know ??‍. New people I don’t really have the energy for but I suppose I can go through my “Rolodex” if pple I haven’t spoken to in a while... not sure I have the energy. But I suppose I must

 

[Ronin]

No worries, I thought you wouldn't have the spoons for it now nor mind room. Mostly was an idea of how to get some pause from what's going on & a sense life continues.

You're absolutely not being selfish nor childish or demanding or hostile.

You are having normal and healthy needs for privacy and space as well as time to yourself & relaxing. All very needed to meet needs.

How your mother delivered that message is overbearing at the minimum, just plain cruel dick move otherwise.

I'm sorry for your loss and it should be never used against you. By anyone.

I'm not much of a hearts & hugs but Hearts & hugs. :) You're doing okay, not going mad, it's the situation that's maddening and what happened, not you.

It won't be like this forever, either, and you are doing admirable and incredibly patience requiring good things, not bad things.

 

[Smile]

No worries, I thought you wouldn't have the spoons for it now nor mind room. Mostly was an idea of how to get some pause from what's going on & a sense life continues.

You're absolutely not being selfish nor childish or demanding or hostile.

You are having normal and healthy needs for privacy and space as well as time to yourself & relaxing. All very needed to meet needs.

How your mother delivered that message is overbearing at the minimum, just plain cruel dick move otherwise.

I'm sorry for your loss and it should be never used against you. By anyone.

I'm not much of a hearts & hugs but Hearts & hugs. :) You're doing okay, not going mad, it's the situation that's maddening and what happened, not you.

It won't be like this forever, either, and you are doing admirable and incredibly patience requiring good things, not bad things.

Thank you!!!! Much needed words. I’m not uti hugs either but these days... I’ll take them and give them :)))